What if you don't get along with your teacher

College Majors Music Major
1

<p>I really like my teacher, but, at the moment, he's being kind of nuts. I mean, I think he's rather stressed out because he's playing a concerto with one of the school orchestras next week. </p>

<p>I need to reschedule my lesson this week, and when I wrote him, he sent me back this really long, over-the-top, kind of nasty e-mail about why he doesn't like rescheduling lessons because it takes away time from his family. It was kind of weird because he's generally a pretty nice, understanding guy. </p>

<p>I was kind of put off my it, to be honest. Now I don't know what to write him back and I'm concerned that we're not going to get along for the rest of the year if this is how he gets about relatively insignificant things like rescheduling lessons...</p>

2

<p>First of all, cut him some slack until his concerto performance is over. That is enough to make anyone crazy.</p>

<p>Does he have any other students there who have regular lesson times? If so, you could contact one of them to see if they are willing to swap lesson times with you for this one week and then run the possibility by your teacher. His time commitment at school would not be changed, only who gets taught in which time period.</p>

3

<p>You are probably right. Only trouble is that I don't go to the school at which he teaches... I don't know any of his other students! </p>

<p>I don't know - I'll just make it up next week and forget it for now.</p>

4

<p>Sounds like a reasonable plan. Going forward, you might try to get to know a few of his other students. Does he ever hold studio recitals or get several of his students together for group sessions or masterclasses? That would be a good opportunity to introduce yourself and make some friends. That could open some doors for opportunities to substitute and give them (and you) someone else to suggest when you have to turn down a gig for one reason or another.</p>

5

<p>If you can just skip this particular lesson, rather than reschedule, then write him back, tell him you understand his reluctance to reschedule, and that you are willing to just cancel so as to not put him out. Then you can also ask if there is any way to get contact info from others in his studio, so that in the future you can trade with someone if necessary. But keep it short and polite.</p>

<p>The teacher's reaction might be one of a couple things:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>As you say, stress over the concerto. Or you caught him in the middle of a fight with his wife. Or whatever.</p></li>
<li><p>It's possible that several students have been cancelling or switching, and you just caught the boil over. As a teacher myself, it is incredibly frustrating to have to deal with major last minute changes because everyone seems to put their piano lesson at the bottom of the priority list. I've had weeks where not a single student came at their regular time. Although each individual student might think it was no big deal to reschedule, it was a huge headache on my part. </p></li>
<li><p>Is there any reason your teacher might be particularly ticked with you? Do you reschedule often? Last minute? Come late? Come poorly prepared? If the teacher is already feeling like you aren't taking lessons seriously enough, then he might be reaching a boiling point.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>A fourth possibility is that email can just sound a bit more abrupt and that he doesn't mean it that way. It is perfectly legitimate for him to express reluctance about rescheduling. If he has a certain schedule fairly cemented, then he may indeed have childcare arrangements, or routine plans with his family. Saying no to your request is not automatically nasty; it is his right. He doesn't owe you an explanation, but sounds like he tried to give one.</p>

<p>Because I tend to teach children rather than older students, I deal more with parents than kids on things like this, but it seems that I run about 50% every week with requests for changes and makeups. Every reason is legitimate in the parent's mind, I'm sure, but I do feel taken advantage of sometimes. And I do resent always having to be the flexible one. It doesn't seem to occur to parents to tell the tennis coach or the dentist or grandma that Tuesday at 4 will not work because you have a piano lesson then! </p>

<p>The flip side of this is, of course, that when you go out of your way to honor your commitment to the teacher, the relationship becomes valued by both.</p>

<p>Not saying this is what you're doing, just trying to offer some views from the other side.</p>

6

<p>I understand. I've only just started lessons with him, and we made our entire lesson schedule at the beginning of the semester. I'm a good student -- I'm never late and always prepared for lessons. I think he might be stressed out about the concerto. I don't really have any way of knowing all of my exams and substantial school committments for the whole quarter at the moment we schedule all our lessons -- I have to travel really far to get to lessons, and I don't end up getting back to school until 10pm. I really lose the entire day, and if I have an essay and lecture to do the next day that are worth 30% of my grade, chances are that I'll need the previous day to work on them. I didn't know I had that lecture to do when we scheduled that lesson... I feel bad about rescheduling, but I also have to do well in school.</p>

7

<p>Cosmos,</p>

<p>I know what it is like spending most of a day schlepping a string bass around a distant city to take a lesson at a school that you do not regularly attend with a teacher whose time is in considerable demand. My daughter did exactly that for two years. One of the things that she did to make it more bearable was to have a double length lesson every other week. It takes some discipline and may not work well for everyone, but the commuting time saved is considerable and you can accomplish things that never seem to get done in a single hour lesson. You might raise the possibility with your teacher when scheduling next semester's lessons if the idea appeals to you.</p>

<p>Other than that, hang in there. Think of it as part of paying your dues.</p>

8

<p>
[quote]
I've only just started lessons with him

[/quote]

Aha! My guess is that he doesn't know you well enough yet, and doesn't want to be taken advantage of. He is trying to set parameters up front.</p>

<p>I think you are in a tough place, having to juggle a lot of different demands on your time. If you think this situation might come up regularly, you might need to ask the teacher to switch to a different permanent time. This might even mean waiting till next semester, when all his other students' schedules change, too.</p>

<p>One thing we've noticed along the way - many (by no means all) top teachers are a bit diva-ish. I was just discussing this with my S yesterday, in fact. If this is a teacher in high demand, and is someone you really want to be studying with, you will probably find yourself bending over backwards for him. He doesn't "need" you, so he has the power.</p>

<p>My S took lessons for a few months (that was as long as both S and teacher were available) from a teacher who was like that. The teacher has a reputation far and wide for being high and mighty, and many people can't stand him. He has few students, in part because he is picky, and in part because people aren't willing to deal with him. We travelled far for the lessons (every other week - pretty much blew a Saturday). We were at his beck and call, and always deferential. We paid a lot for the lessons - about a hundred dollars a pop. It was well worth it for us, in terms of the lessons themselves, and the contacts it brought my S. Many people decided it wasn't worth it to them. </p>

<p>I suggest you give it a few more lessons. If you find that the teacher doesn't loosen up, and you aren't happy, then by all means, move on. You probably won't learn much with that elephant in the room anyway. On the other hand, as the concerto passes, and the teacher gets to know you better, you may find it a very good relationship. I hope it works out for you.</p>

9

<p>I absolutely know where you're coming from on this. My former teacher was absolutely a diva. Pretty famous, incredibly busy, has a billion students because he teaches at like 5 schools... Great teacher, but hard to schedule with because he was so busy. </p>

<p>I like the teacher I'm with now, apart from this thing that just happened. He's usually pretty understanding, so I think I'll take your advice and try to see if he'd be willing to do double lessons next semester. I think he's stressed out about this concerto and will losen up after it's over.</p>

10

<p>If you haven't already gotten it, ask for his rescheduling policy. It is not unusual for an instructor to provide a written document outlining the studio procedures, bad weather policy, payment terms and schedule changes and makeups. If he has no written guidelines, I'd ask for a verbal policy, and I'd try to follow it as closely as possible if you need to reschedule. </p>

<p>Everyone is aware that sometimes life gets in the way, and the instructors that my son has worked with were all amenable to reschedules if requested within the stated guidelines. It works both ways... there are times HE may cancel or want to reschedule.</p>

<p>Sounds like he might be a bit stressed, but I'd ask for a policy clarification and or document. This way all parties know the groundrules.</p>

11

<p>Thanks for all the replies. He did outline his policy in his e-mail, which I think will be helpful for me if I need to reschedule in the future. This is the issue I have with his policy though -- He said that he'll reschedule (at his discretion) for illness, family emergency, or legitimate musical employment opporunity, but he made no mention of academic obligations. I understand rescheduling for these unfortseen situations he mentioned, but what about unforseen exams? These things are important, too, especially when you go to a demanding university like UChicago.</p>

12

<p>I'd simply ask for clarification.</p>

<p>As an aside: aren't most of your test and assignment dates detailed on each course's syllabus? I realize that those can be subject to change, but you should have a fairly good idea of when you might have an academic conflict and be able to know pretty much up front if a particular week's lesson might present an issue.</p>

13

<p>Indeed this is true. However, we have to give lectures in class once a quarter and our individual dates are not on the syllabus. </p>

<p>Do you think it would be a good idea to tell my teacher, after I learn of when all my assignments are, if there's a pre-scheduled lesson that we might need to change based on my workload? I mean - Should I tell him as soon as I know that a certain week will be busy, or should I play it by ear and tell him right before the lesson if I end up being too busy?</p>

14

<p>My take on it is that you should plan on cancelling the lesson when you have a conflict, rather than rescheduling. And be prepared to pay for the missed lesson. (If he's nice, he'll turn it down. But he may expect it.) That is how many, many studios work. They save you a spot in their schedule, for which you agree to pay them. It is up to you to show up or not. </p>

<p>His policy is pretty straight forward and generous - illness, emergencies, gigs. I've never heard of a studio policy that flexes for school work. The take most teachers would have would be: if you know in advance that you have a test or assignment, then get it done ahead of time. His policy is excusing last minute emergencies. A test or due date isn't going to qualify.</p>

<p>The teacher is going to want to hear commitment from you, not excuses. If he feels he is taking second place, he might decide it's not worth it. Every college teacher I ever had thought their class was the most important and didn't care what else I had going on. A college-level music teacher will probably be the same way.</p>

15

<p>I totally agree with Binx, but, as you say, you go to U Chi....and, frankly, you do need an understanding teacher. I would wait until after the concerto, but keep an eye on the situation and don't be afraid to make a change. You need a supportive teacher...and it's a blessing to have a student like you who is always prepared for lessons and who only rarely reschedules or cancels. To me, your situation raises a red flag...I wouldn't bolt, but I would evaluate the situation over the entire semester...and then decide what you want to do. I would definitely offer to pay for missed lessons...it's good manners.</p>

16

<p>Thanks, I think that everything that's been said is certainly valid. </p>

<p>The main difficulty I have here is that I'm going to school for academics, not for music performance. Therefore, I have to put academics first and chances are that periodically I'll have to reschedule a lesson due to an academic obligation. However, my bass teacher is used to dealing with students who are going to school to study bass. </p>

<p>I think it might be a good idea to talk to him about how to handle academic obligations that conflict with lessons. He offered to reschedule this lesson next quarter, so that is what we will do, but in the future, I do need to know what he'd prefer me to do when I have an academic obligation that gets in the way of a lesson (or vice versa, in a sense).</p>

17

<p>Sounds like you're well on your way to a productive dialog.</p>