What is best piece of advice you ever received regarding college selection process for your child?

Parent Cafe
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Someone just beat me to “love the kid on the couch”.

Also:

*Create a separate email account just for college stuff. Parents should have the password for this also (to double-check what’s coming in).

*Build your list from the bottom up (meaning start with safeties)

*Show love to the schools that want love. Don’t take safeties (or matches) for granted

*If you arrive on campus for a tour and your kid hates the school and wants to leave, it’s OK to leave.

*“On Writing the College Essay” by Harry Bauld is a worthwhile read

*Get ahold of a copy of your child’s high school profile. Take a look at other well-known high schools’ profiles. See if your child’s school’s profile can be improved. If so, volunteer to do the update.

*Have the money talk with your child as early as possible. If you have budget constraints, be explicit about them.

*When you are buying dorm stuff, save receipts and keep stuff unopened until your child is sure it will be used (easier to return).

*Dorm stuff goes on sale after the summer rush. Keep an eye on that section for deals (e.g. XL Twin sheets) in early September/October of your child’s senior year.

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To expand on this a bit: Tell the truth. Be explicit about what you are able to pay and what you are willing to pay. Don’t set arbitrary cut-off amounts without a good reason. Do your homework with calculators and have a good understanding of what it’s likely to cost. Don’t assume costs or aid are like they were when you went to college. Finally, if your kid is a strong student, he or she WILL be able to go to a decent school for free or at a reduced cost through merit aid–decide now what you will do if that happens.

23

There is no substitute for visiting schools and interviewing when possible.

Kids and parents often read exaggerations about schools having “artsy” or “preppy” or whatever else students that are often way off the mark once you get there.

Bates was #6 on my son’s list because he heard the kids were “artsy” and then it became his first pick after going and meeting a number of athletes and seeing a nice mix of students.

I also highly recommend you eat at the dining hall of each school you visit.

24

More about the money:

Your local community college which is serving as the rock-bottom academic safety for your kid may well have a scholarship your kid qualifies for even if your kid isn’t an academic superstar. Don’t neglect to check the website there.

Check the websites of the colleges and universities on the list, and see which CLEP and AP scores they accept for credit or placement. The CLEP exams are a bit harder than the SAT II exams, and a bit easier than the AP exams, and can be taken at any time during the year.

About academic records:

Even a half-credit yoga class at the community college will generate an academic transcript that will follow your kid for the rest of his/her natural life. So think long and hard before enrolling your kid in umpteen college-credit earning programs while in high school. If your kid wants to take advantage of that kind of thing, do your best to keep all of those college credits at just one institution. And see if that place has a flat fee for life-time service for providing transcripts, rather than having to shell out $X each time you need a transcript sent - some do.

25

Allow more time for applications than you think. Besides “normal” essays, my son submitted additional essays at some schools for honors applications, direct admit business applications, special program applications and learning community applications. It really never ends.

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Start early. Research colleges online, discuss possible majors, size, location, etc. If your child is selective, begin touring during sophomore year. There is less pressure and you can begin to develop a more manageable list. Agree with others on running NPC, helps a lot with the initial list. Also keep up with grades, volunteer work, etc. throughout the years. Lastly, show support throughout the process. A positive attitude really helps!!

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Take advantage of free applications, along with rolling admissions and non-binding Early Action, wherever possible. My son applied to fifteen colleges, but five had free applications. Three were UCs, with a single application. He had four acceptances under his belt (three with scholarships) by Christmastime. Don’t pin hopes on unrealistic expectations regarding future grades or test scores. Build the list from the bottom up, based on who and what your kid is at the end of junior year. This advice is especially critical for the students who are eyeing the most selective colleges. The students who get into them are not the ones who will be taking test-prep classes and cramming for yet another round of SAT/ACTs in the fall. The most competitive students are the ones who have the chops, and are taking rigorous courseloads at school while participating in high-level activities either at school or within their communities. I understand that some scholarships are contingent upon a certain test score, but they are generally at large, usually public, universities. I recommend that the student who wants to bring scores up should, above all, READ. Use some of the free, on-line prep, but DO NOT sacrifice any meaningful activities to chase down a chimerical score increase. Anyone can ace a test if he or she does nothing else but prep for it and retake it several times. Colleges know that, and the most selective ones want the students who can earn high scores while living healthy, productive lives and contributing to the community at large.

I also strongly encourage families to visit as many colleges as their time and budget will allow. I loved the college road-trips with my sons, and we often incorporated other activities into them.

28

My daughter wanted me to add “Do your homework in High School”

She said my son, 3 years older than her, gave her this advice, and said it was the best advice she got. It helped her get the top grades she needed to get into so many great schools.

29

One of the best things I read here on CC was a parent who told a complaining student something like ‘colleges are not in the business of rewarding good students, they are trying to build a class’

I wish I could remember who said that, but it really was an aha! Moment for me

30

Please don’t let yourself be influenced by your classmates’ opinions concerning what makes a “good” school. Since they are also in high school, they don’t know anything beyond what someone else told them, they are obsessed with impressing each other with “elite” acceptances and finally, many of them will return home by Christmas of their freshman year and will be attending your local community college for any number of reasons. Once senior year is over, none of their opinions concerning where you attend will matter to you. Really.

Do your own due diligence, make sure you build a realistic, affordable list including two or more safety schools you will be truly happy to attend.

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“Expensive” private colleges might cost less for your child to attend than the in-state public universities, because of financial aid.

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From an admission officer at the U of Washington when my kid was in 8th grade:

There is a good college/university for every kid that truly wants to attend. It may not be Harvard, Columbia, UW, WSU, or UC Berkeley. It may be somewhere in Montana, or a specialty college in upstate New York. But every kid can (with diligence) find “the fit”.

When considering grades, classes and/or activities while in high school:

Grades from schools who inflate grades, often in conjunction with advanced programs (AP, etc.) resulting in higher grade point averages at graduation: it looks nice, but it is re-calculated as soon as it hits the admissions office. No one is credited with more than a 4.0 in any subject or overall g.p.a… It is a form of lying that high schools use to make themselves look good. It doesn’t help with college admissions. Admissions would rather see you got a B+ in AP Chemistry rather than an A in regular chemistry. Or that your overall g.p.a. is 3.5 because you took many advanced classes.

The same goes for activities. All admissions officers know that no one on earth can fully participate in 15 activities and those lists are often completely ignored. However they are interested in the student who has 2 or 3 long term interests that show commitment and progression. Being on the high school fundraising committee for the homeless is great if it is a 2 or 3 year commitment. Also progression in responsibility is important as well; from a member of a church group to being the treasurer. These same criteria can be used for a job; from flipping burgers to being the manager. However, shorter term commitments can be fine if the “I tried a lot of things before finding that I really love . Or I learned a lot about myself during this process in the following ways ___.” Show that you are searching and that it’s been enlightening in some way.

Fit is still the most important factor, followed at a very distant second by cost. That is, what can reasonably be paid after the college makes an offer? Never assume that because parents make “lots of money” there isn’t going to be any student aid. A parent’s first job is to make sure a FAFSA (Federal Application for student loans) is filled out for/by their student as early in the application period as possible (www.fafsa.com). THIS IS A NON-NEGOTIABLE MUST!

The Offer: It is what it says: “an offer of financial aid”. If the “offer” is not satisfactory for your circumstances, write, send an email, call, and let them know why. Most colleges and universities, if they want a student, is willing to make changes in an offer which you can again turn down. And explain why Ultimately, you can simply say that you do not have the money, and your child would, under the circumstances not be able to attend. The financial aid office will always state when an offer is their last.

ALWAYS be polite. ALWAYS be truthful. Admissions officers are usually underpaid and overworked. They spend months getting yelled at by morally outraged parents. Don’t add to their difficulty, try to be reasonable. Be a team. You both want the same thing: a student who fits the needs of the university and a university who fits the needs of the student. It’s a matter of whether that college/university needs yet another brilliant computer science student (they may have dozens of great prospects, and few available spaces). Maybe they need more students who will take in their economics department, or history department, or the brand new nursing school.

Schools put a lot of time and money into their students (that’s why they fund raise all the time). What you pay is only a part of the cost. Consequently, it’s a tremendous waste of time and money if a student quits or transfers. So don’t waste everyone’s time and money with: “but I went to University of Whatever”, I insist that my kid will go there too!" Or “my parents want me to go to U of Whatever…oh well…I guess I’ll do that…it will make them happy…” DO NOT DO THIS !

Also, please note: Where you go for an undergraduate degree has less importance to graduate schools and future job prospects, than how you performed in new surroundings and with new responsibilities. So year in a high school/college program (Running start in WA or other programs) might be a good option as well while still in high school. They can teach the basics of “how to go to college” while in a safe place. This lessens the culture shock of going away to school, and will help long term.

In college it’s all about how hard you try to take advantage of every opportunity, and how broad your class selections are. It really is okay to get a B in a class that expands your horizons during your freshman and sophomore years. Computer science, geology, astronomy, medieval history, biology, or chemistry are all great options for a theatre major. Conversely, dance, acting, technical theatre, art, and music are of great value to the computer science or pre med student. Some kids go to college with a plan, some kids go to college with no plan in sight. They usually find their way. And if the worst thing your student ever does is get a college degree with no (post graduate) plan in sight, you are still way ahead!

Do visit campuses on your short list. If a student, with suitable qualifications, visits a campus and falls in love, it’s a good bet they should be applying there. If that same student, for any reason, has qualms, it may not be the best fit and they maybe should consider another option for their short list.
These “feelings” should be taken VERY seriously!

Outside of fit, and money, and scrubbing the school’s website thoroughly, visiting, filling out forms, writing essays, and checks; the simple act of applying and putting yourself “out there” is very emotional.

Parents and Students: Please understand that applying to colleges (they may still say 6 schools, I don’t know) is a giant crap shoot! One’s value as a human being should never ever, under any possible circumstances, in any way shape or form be allowed to get tied up in the process. When it is, it can be the greatest mistake in a student’s life! I have seen it change a student with endless brilliance and potential into a person with no future.

Students are applying for a job, not sainthood!

(By the way, my kid still loves his UG years! He got a job straight out of school, and after 3 years decided to go on to grad school. He is going to Trinity in Dublin, Ireland for his MFA this Sept. This is a difficult program to get into and we are very proud of him!)

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It can seem like a village gets involved. Everyone will have opinions and advice. Learn to smile and nod.

34

Read “Paying for College Without Going Broke” (or a similar book outlining the financial aid process and how the calculations are done) NOW. This may be your last year to make some changes that could increase the amount of aid you get.

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One other casual reminder to smile patiently and activate an internal “Mute” button whenever somebody who has not been immersed in the college admissions process within the past 20 years (or even past 10) begins volunteering perspectives from a generation ago regarding colleges’ reputations and selectivity.

36

Actually the admissions officer from Vassar said (wincing), “It’s better to get an A in AP Chemistry.” The other admissions officers in the room chuckled and agreed.

And here’s another one - you don’t have to take every AP that is offered. I know kids who got into Yale taking regular physics and who got into Harvard taking regular English. They took plenty of APs, just not every single one. You need to take enough to have a rigorous schedule in the context of your school, that may be anywhere from 4 to 10, but more is probably not necessary.

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@rosered55 beat me to it.

Don’t let the sticker price scare you off. If I had, my kids would not have even applied to the schools they are attending.

38

Lots of good advice. I’d add:

  • If at all possible, finish testing by end of Junior year. Try both SAT and ACT, then re-take the one that “fits” student best. Pay attention to how many / what kinds of subject tests colleges on your hit list want. Also, if your student is at all a possible contender for NMS then by all means do extra prep summer after 10th grade.
  • Your student may think they want a “big, urban university” or a “small rural LAC” at the beginning of 11th grade. Throw a couple of extreme opposite wild-cards in the mix, just in case he/she changes his/her mind. I’ve seen kids who wanted small suddenly veering big, and vice versa. Keep an option or two open before all the deadlines pass.
  • Apply for lots and lots of outside scholarships. Local, regional, national. Hey, you never know. Ask your GC department for suggestions. Go to the websites of neighboring high schools, many of whom post more/better scholarship opportunities. Look into local credit unions, many of whom sponsor scholarships. My S & D racked up quite a few prior to freshman year, which helped a lot.
  • For most of us, cost is a big factor. Be honest, but let them apply anywhere…with the caveat that it must be affordable. Both my S & D got in places they would have loved to have attended, but the FA wasn’t there. They (I hope) understood this - but it was still nice to be able to say they got in.
  • Realize that once they’re freshman wherever you’re going to have a whole new set of stresses and worries!
39

@Scout59 beat me to ‘love the kid on the couch’ but again, love the kid on the couch.

I will add:

  • Estimate the cost of attendance for all 4 years, not just freshman year. Add at least a 5% annual increase.
  • Most scholarship/financial aid funding will come from the institution, not from outside sources.
  • Don't bust the bank for an undergrad degree. If you think the money will magically appear, get real.
  • CCs are a great choice for the first two years if you can't afford the COA for a 4-year college + room and board.
  • Visit. Then visit the "finalists" again.
  • Don't get wrapped in the name game. There are so many great colleges, professors, and degree programs out there.
  • The search and application process is a growth opportunity for your kid. You're the facilitator but it's his show and within your financial guardrails, the final decision is his.
  • Most guidance counselors are overworked. It's your responsibility to do the research and ensure applications, recommendations, and all the other paperwork is submitted.
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  • Take a manageable number of AP's. Don't try to do every EC available. Pick one or two hobbies and work for depth: i.e., plays violin, plays in youth and school orchestras and chamber groups, wins awards with violin, mentors kids in youth orchestra, volunteers to play in church. One hobby, many different dimensions to it, including leadership and service.
  • Keep your academics up. Prepare for the PSAT. National Merit (if it's in the cards) rakes in lots of opportunity and merit money. So do high stats all around. -If you must reach for the Ivy, regard it as a Hail Mary. Pick 1 or 2, not 8 or 10, and focus most of your energy on the matches--the schools that you will fit in and will challenge you. -Find a financial safety to love. -Visit. Visit. Visit. It's fun and the trips there and back are a great time to talk with your kid about what he/she wants in a college.