Good tip from @BigWideWorld about keeping track of awards and recognition from the beginning of HS. We had to do that because my daughter had a small merit scholarship to her school that she had to reapply to each year which requested that information. It made common app time much easier!
That it would all work out. I really worried much too much.
I was the parent though who read all of the books about college admission the summer before or during 8th grade. I then explained the rules to my offspring. I recognized that I couldn’t control everything, but, as I said, “There are rules. To a certain extent, you have to play the game. I can only force you so much,so it’s up to you which rules you follow and which you ignore. But you are never going to be able to look at me and say ‘If only I’d known.’”
I’d like to point out–respectfully–that some of the suggestions in this thread only work for kids aiming for a certain level of school and/or merit money. Thus, taking some easier courses to raise your GPA and get a better class rank might be great advice for many kids. For others, doing that would mean that the GC will NOT check the box saying the student has followed the most rigorous curriculum and thereby decrease the odds of being accepted at a top school, including top need blind schools if you qualify for FA. At some smaller LACs, some of which DO give merit aid, rigor of curriculum is considered along with GPA when handing out merit money. I readily concede though that at some public Us, there’s little or no leeway when it comes to class rank.
As to 9th grade counting…well it doesn’t at some colleges and counts for less than 10th and 11th at many colleges. It’s hard to know what to do, but if you are starting off with the idea that your kid might be aiming for some of the top 100 or so private colleges, it’s better to start off with harder courses in 9th grade and drop back if needed. At a lot of high schools, it is a LOT easier to drop back a level than move up a level if 9th grade proves your kid could handle more. (And again, if your kid isn’t able to, (s)he’s not going to get that most rigorous curriculum box checked.) Math levels can be particularly important. If your kid is one of 6 in his/her class applying to MIT and the only one who didn’t make it to at least BC Calc, I would be stunned if (s)he were admitted.
Ditto for ECs for those aiming at more selective schools. If you pile on too many in 9th grade, you can adjust downward. However, if your kid doesn’t join ECs in 9th grade, it’s harder to end up with a leadership position or catch up with performance levels in things like MUN, mock trial, debate, Fed Challenge, etc. Again, not at all important for admissions purposes at many public Us, but very important for some colleges. More importantly, kids can really grow and learn from having those leadership positions.
Behavior is VERY important. If your kid does something stupid like post a racist joke --or just like it–or saying something vulgar to a classmate, it can REALLY hurt because that’s the kind of thing a GC or a teacher might mention. Of course, your kid shouldn’t do those things because they are wrong. However, peer pressure sometimes leads kids to dumb things. And, sometimes, it can be easier to say “No, I’m not going to participate in the hazing because if I do and we get caught, it might ruin my chances of getting a scholarship. I can’t afford to take the chance.”
Anyway, for most kids it all does work out. So worry less :)!
I wish I understood how the dual enrollment/ AP system worked in order to maximize credits. On my 6th kid now…finally got it down.
that to get to the very top colleges you have to start planning just about everything from Day 1. That in Texas at least class rank is critical and you need to know EXACTLY how the different options weight the GPA.
That my DD was going to decide the Service Academy route was for her.
Be mindful that there is a college for everyone. Or a trade school. Or an apprenticeship. There are so many different paths.
That she would have an issue with anxiety starting sophomore year. Had I somehow known in advance, we would have had her in therapy ahead of time to somehow mitigate it. That first one was brutal for her. She’s worked since with a wonderful therapist, and is a much happier kid. But we had some real dark days sophomore year.
That even though you started putting money in the 529 before they could talk, and even though your relatively sane college search process was very consuming, the day you leave them at college feels very sudden. And that every time you say goodbye after that, it feels pretty much the same.
As for planning, during sophomore year, map out what all needs to get done and when and figure out if the summer can be used for any of that (such as test prep). This will make it easier for your kid to be fully present in high school.
These are important years, not a very long admissions test for the next four years. They need to figure out who they are. No point in rushing to get on a bus headed to the wrong destination!
How important AP exams are. That every class your eventual college gives u credit for is one you won’t have to take while in college. Which can save thousands of dollars by allowing kid to graduate a semester or 2 or 3 early. Same with college classes taken while still in high school (and for the right kid, this can be as early as after freshman year of high school).
Even if you want kid to go all 4 years, each class he/she has credit for going into college is a semester when he/she can take a reduced courseload. Depending on the college’s usual courseload, that means kid will be taking 4 classes when most others are taking 5 (or 3 when most others are taking 4). This can be a HUGE benefit to your student…they will have more time for a job, an EC, or to focus on the other classes.
Also, colleges’ AP policies and policies regarding what college classes taken while in high school they will accept vary widely. So if you have a general idea of the type of college your student will likely attend, check out their policies. In general, the more elite the college, the fussier they are about granting credits for AP exams & college classes taken while in high school.
Also, I understand what everybody is saying about letting kids be kids and all that. But the Beaver Cleaver days are over. I’d rather have kid taking a healthy interest in getting ready for college than turning his brain to mush on a video game or a million other time-wasters that kids are into these days.
I could have written the same post but substituted “junior” for “sophomore.” It’s tough. And coming to grips with the fact that even if you do the best parenting job possible, they may still struggle. I’m still getting panicky calls from D in college about matters she should be able to handle herself.
I’m a student, but I wish someone told me that if I immediately feel uneasy or uncomfortable in a class as I don’t think I will be able to handle the work, drop the course! I don’t know why I didn’t didn’t. It’s ruined my GPA and ranking as it’s the only grade lower than an 88 on my transcript.
I wish I had pushed DD12 to really realistically think about the very specific, small major she picked. She had stuck with that choice for 2 years in HS but didn’t really do anything related to it. It limited her school choices then she dropped it as soon as she took her first class in college.
It worked out ok but I wish she had other school choices when she applied. Also wish we had known how much more competitive scholarships had gotten.
These statements are sobering but absolutely true,
gardenstategal - “These are important years, not a very long admissions test for the next four years. They need to figure out who they are. No point in rushing to get on a bus headed to the wrong destination!”
moop - “Also, I understand what everybody is saying about letting kids be kids and all that. But the Beaver Cleaver days are over. I’d rather have kid taking a healthy interest in getting ready for college than turning his brain to mush on a video game or a million other time-wasters that kids are into these days.”
part of getting kids ready is helping them figure out what their academic focus/interest is so that they have a direction, and can show that direction to college - what is the best way to do that if it is still unclear in the beginning of high school?
Beginning of high school? Most kids are unclear at the beginning of college! Just encourage them in whatever they enjoy. They have plenty of time.
@mjk050607 , I wasn’t suggesting that anyone would know what they wanted to “be” by the time they graduated high school. But I think there is enormous value in having a good – and intentional! --reflective practice built into the lives of young people as they have all these new experiences, and it’s something that is really difficult without support.
For some, journaling can be great. But mostly, what you can do as a parent, is encourage your kid, at regular intervals, to assess what’s going on with them in all aspects of their lives. (And they don’t need to provide these answers to you, btw, just consider them themselves.) What classes am I doing well in and which am I struggling in? Why? Natural ability? Interest? The way they are taught? How I feel about the teacher? Am I feeling competitive about school work? Who am I competing against and why? Do I let not being at the top of the class discourage me? What would I do if I had more free time? How am I spending my time outside of school now? Why and what do I like about those things? Who are my friends and what do I like about those people? How do I choose to connect with them? Are there people I wish I knew better? What really matters to me? When I pick up the paper, what part do I want to read?
It is easy for ALL of us to just get swept by the current, and frankly, life would be really hard if at least some of it didn’t happen this way. But during those really important high school years, there are quite a few currents to choose from, and kids often don’t fully appreciate how they can figure out who they are (rather than who other people tell them they are) and how they can set their own course.
It’s a much easier path in life to follow the things that generally interest you – but it’s sometimes a little tricky to discern what those are. I think that it is often the most capable students that have the most difficulty with this – simply because they can do something doesn’t mean they should. If it makes them feel good that they are rewarded for being “top XYZ”, what is driving them? Is it the process of doing XYZ or the moment of getting the reward? Ideally, the process, not the end, should be the driver. And all easier said than done.
How much time would be wasted taking standardized tests (SAT, SAT Subject, many AP, state required exams, math competitions) in addition to high school tests, labs and projects. I finally started suggesting planning for tickets to concerts or another built in reward.
I’m sorry for the grade stalking I will be doing.
Wow, I wish I had done what @gardenstategal suggested in #53 - not just with my kids but in my own education. For myself, I wish I had known that it would be genuinely helpful for me to learn a lot about the college admissions process and to largely direct it for my kids. I would have learned more and earlier (I don’t mean adding anxiety earlier for the kids, just for the parent! :-)). I also wish I had known they wouldn’t get into their dream school, their dad’s alma mater, so they wouldn’t have thrown away that SCEA option and maybe would have had an early admission so they could have enjoyed their senior year more.
Wow. In our case, that his school was disorganized and poorly run, despite a great reputation. Given that my son had some executive function immaturity (what I mean is, he was an immature boy who wasn’t yet ready for the demands amidst the chaos – it was seriously chaotic, and the teacher whose job It was to be monitoring kids like him was a failure), I was too hands off at first.
I suppose some would accuse us of helicoptering, but we felt like we met our kid where he was. Otherwise, high school would have been only about clerical work and not about learning. Kids do learn from failure, but they don’t always learn the lesson you want. And freshmen are really young.
So, I would say the best advice is to monitor carefully so you can be proactive and not reactive.
And, if there is an electronic gradebook, monitor it, but Never Raise Your Voice.
In response to “From the time they set foot in the door the GPA matters. Colleges look at 6 semester for initial scholarship offers. Don’t think you can fix a bad semester later. It all matters.
Enjoy your time it goes fast.”
Yes and no. Looking at my kid…
Yes, it is true that my son’s Freshman year GPA meant some doors closed. The elite schools were not going to happen for him.
No, because he did improve substantially after that and the place he landed (solid engineering school in the big ten, with merit aid) would not have made him an offer if he had remained the B student he was Freshman year.
So yeah, everything matters, but no one semester is the whole story.
The HS journey counts a lot, as much as the destination, so enjoy the time and learn the lessons as you go.
- Yeah, you do need to get the grades you can get. But don't kill yourself to get grades you can't earn in real life. 1:00am is not an appropriate time for test cramming. Go to bed.
- Be sure you are honest with yourself about why you are doing well or poorly in a subject. Have you exhausted all the resources available before declaring you're bad at math? Was it the subject or the teacher? Was a bad relationship the fault of the teacher, or you, or both of you? Did you get a decent grade because you learned the material or because you did a heap of extra credit and skated by on a good relationship with the teacher? Take a fair assessment of your work as you get your grades and sincerely recognize your strengths, weaknesses and interests. You may be able to improve in many areas, but if you don't like something be aware of that and save yourself some effort if it's not a required subject.
- Try things, and try more things than you might expect to like, including sports and intramurals. This is especially true in ninth grade, where you might be having trouble finding your tribe. It'll both get you in touch with others and help you determine who you are and what you like. Lots of sports are No Cut, so you can be on the team without being awesome.
- Not all ECs are at school, so be open to Civil Air Patrol (CAP), or 4-H, or any of the various forms of Scouting, or things at your church, or volunteer options at your library or Boys Club-Girls Club, or sports or dance clubs, or continued musical education and performance options, or any of a host of other opportunities. Those count too.
- Your ECs should be enjoyable but also instructive. Do it because you like it, quit if you hate it, but keep track of lessons learned. Mock trial or robotics club may look good on a transcript, but they can absolutely suck if you find you hate the work. And if you were thinking of engineering or law school it can save you some expensive backtracking in a few years.
- You don't need a life plan at 17, but if you can use your experiences in classes and ECs to eliminate or identify areas that you are great or terrible in you can create a more realistic set of college choices and potential careers.
Mostly, just invest yourself in the journey so you enjoy it, but be sure to use what you’ve done so far to inform your next steps and directions.