<p>There was a similar situation in my son’s suite with one of the guys. The boys actually staged an intervention of sorts to get the guy back on track. I was pretty impressed I have to say.</p>
<p>Oy yoy yoy . . .After reading all this, I really need a . . .never mind.
(Come on – I can’t believe no one else was thinking that, too! 
)</p>
<p>I don’t dare to mention it on this thread, but I am having one in 8 min.</p>
<p>Why the worry, oldfort? We’re talking about kids drinking, not us. I passed the age of 21 long ago. :)</p>
<p>It always makes me feel sad when I see stories like mummom’s. I remain skeptical that drinking really is worse now than it used to be, and I don’t get upset at my kids’ behavior, but new college students should not be in a position of feeling oppressed by their peers’ drinking, and having trouble finding nondrinking peers.</p>
<p>My drinking children, by the way, chose their college in part because it did not have a big drinking culture. As my son put it, “I do like to party sometimes, and in the back of my mind I worry that I could go to college and fall down a pit. But there, I’ve seen the bottom of the pit. It’s a pretty shallow pit.” (Actually, what he said was “I’ve seen the bottom of the pit. It’s [my sister] and her friends. That’s a pretty shallow pit.” And he was right.)</p>
<p>Thank you, JHS. That is how it strikes me too–as sad. Actually my son is a pretty live-and-let-live kind of kid. He was really not anticipating the number of “drunks” he has to contend with. As one of the kids mentioned above, there is not just partying. “There is pre-gaming, pre-pre-gaming, post-gaming, partying–there is something for everyone!” (My kid has a sense of humor.) And even I, believe it or not, take his measure of the number of “drunks” with a grain of salt, nevertheless it makes me sad that sober kids have to jump these hurdles in any event. He is hanging in there, trying his best, learning a lot, and will reevaluate at Christmas.</p>
<p>I hate how my roommate is a total neat freak and asked me to rearrange my stuff to be more “aesthetically pleasing”. Seriously, what a tool.</p>
<p>Wow, Mummom - you really got slammed on this thread. </p>
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</p>
<p>I have found that the longer one is on CC, the less the pile-on thing occurs. Kind of like a school yard. Stick around, take it for a while - it will get better. :)</p>
<p>As for the topic…</p>
<p>My D complains about limited food choices for students with allergies. Why can’t food be made in such a way that sauces and topping are on the side?!! There should be a way that the main parts of a meal can be eaten plain (the chicken, the fish, the pasta, whatever), and added to if that is desired by the diner.</p>
<p>His math professor. Wouldn’t let the class use calculators on tests! The only math professor with that rule. Gave reasonable homework problems, then ridiculous complex problems on the exams. And his grading was pretty random, too. DS went into his first semester calculus final thinking he had a C, and came out of it HOPING he had held onto a C-, because he thought he bombed it. When he got his end-of-semester grades online and had an A- he was actually angry, because he had worried himself to death all semester over that class, apparently for no reason.</p>
<p>spideygirl-- SERIOUSLY. I have food allergies, too.</p>
<p>At D1’s school she could actually get freshly grilled chicken breast (plain) on top of greens.</p>
<p>My son’s major complaint is very minor–he hates the “trayless” cafeteria! He understands that trayless is good for the environment, and that there is significantly less food waste–</p>
<p>It’s just that he hates trying to juggle carrying everything at once–a salad, entree, silverware and a drink.</p>
<p>He and his crew have tried a few variations to make things work, such as claiming table space by getting silverware and drinks first–but were told they were being “selfish.” They also tried getting their meals “family style” with one kid loading up a plate or two of salad, one getting several pieces of chicken, one getting pasta etc- and then sharing the dishes family style–and were told no go.</p>
<p>My kid likes to eat. A lot. He is over 6’2 and is 155 lbs. dripping wet. So to him, this is a major issue. May this be the biggest major issue he ever faces in life!</p>
<p>D seems to enjoy her first year a lot. The classes are great, the professors are great, she is making friends, and enjoys her roommstes. Only problem noted is that she would like to do more extras, clubs or get to the gym, but classes, studying, and work study just seem to leave little time for more than chorale, and occasionally, fencing. Her LAC seems like its a fit. Happy D, so happy me.</p>
<p>LasMa, I’m sorry to hear of your daughter’s experience with her roommate. Don’t give up hope, though, as I know of so many cases where a student thought they would transfer only to change their minds by the end of the semester. I hope it turns around for your daughter. I second the suggestion for her to investigate a roommate change. It does sometimes happen that there are switches mid-semester and there might be an opening your daughter could benefit by. </p>
<p>I just want to respond to those who said that I misrepresented Poetgrl’s words. Actually, Poetgrl misrepresented Mummom’s words. Mummom only indicated that her son would like to find some friends who aren’t as into drinking; this was twisted by Poetgrl who said :“If your child wants to be in an alcohol-free environment they have no business being at college etc.” I wondered if anyone would catch it. That type of comment is the sort of thing that makes it very unpleasant and difficult. A parent can’t express concern for a child’s well being without being accused of embodying a nightmarish form of hovercraft; a student can’t request substance free housing without being imputed as wound in apron strings; a student can’t indicate interest in a less alcohol soaked weekend on campus without being told to shove off to an Evangelical Bible College. This is really stereotyped un-empathic thinking. I am surprised to hear it coming from a psychotherapist, who should be trained to individualize and empathize. </p>
<p>I think informed and empathic thinking should help us realize, for example: diabetics cannot drink alcohol without serious health risks; ditto for students who may have had chemotherapy due to childhood or adolescent cancer, or those on medications which cannot be combined with alcohol. Muslims also don’t drink (if they are observant). I could go on, but my point is simply that there are many reasons (including personal preference) why someone might feel marginalized by the drinking culture on campus.</p>
<p>I feel it is extraordinarily insensitive to tell such students to go to a college where there is no drinking. First of all, I personally don’t believe there is such a campus anywhere in the world. Secondly, a student has the right to choose the education they desire and to attend the college they feel is best for them. There are bound to be discomforts, challenges and adjustments of various kinds. </p>
<p>I appreciate JHS and Mummom’s comments. My son chose his college because he thought it would not be a party school, but it turns out to have all the earmarks. His college also does not offer substance free housing, and big bash-hookup parties are organized with approval of the residential counselors and institutionalized as “screws”. From what I’ve read and observed, there is more partying now than there used to be, even on academically rigorous campuses. My initial hypothesis, that the drinking would subside when the bad grades came in, was not proven; my other hypothesis, that the excess drinking had to do with freshman euphoria and inexperience and would subside by sophomore year, is not borne out by published studies about drinking on campus. (20% of incoming freshmen are not interested in drinking when they arrive on campus in the fall; by sophomore year it’s down to 10%) </p>
<p>So I guess a question I am wondering about is what we can say to encourage our kids when they call home with this particular complaint. If they call home lonely or hungry or sick, or with roommate troubles, parents on CC can be extraordinarily helpful with tips from the location of the nearest drugstore to ways to talk to deans about getting a different roommate. Last year I didn’t know how to advise a friend whose son wanted to transfer from a wonderful highly selective college to get away from the heavy drinking. What kinds of positive suggestions could we hear, advice from parents of upperclassmen, that we could pass on to be helpful to our freshmen?</p>
<p>p.s. the drinking of vomit is for real. it happened at princeton last year; there was some press about the administration’s concern over the heavy drinking culture on campus.</p>
<p>Freshman year: not enough contra dancing.
Soph year: 1) Food service provider changed – not a lot of ala carte stuff that he’ll eat, so this is not good. He’s too skinny already, and when he complains, it’s significant. 2) Is feeling like he doesn’t have any close friends. On the one hand, this kind stinks; on the other hand, he now actually cares about a social life, which is most excellent.</p>
<p>Does not drink, though he says he has had some fascinating conversations with folks after they’ve had a few. He’s very much a live-and-let-live guy. There is not a pervasive drinking culture at his school.</p>
<p>Actually, Stringkeymom, any professional in the addiction field will tell anyone who CANNOT be around drinking, ie a newly recovering alcoholic freshman, or drug addicted freshman, that it is not a good idea to go to a college campus, since it is dangerous for them to be in that environment until they have been clean and sober for a while, at the very least a year. That is the professional stance on this, and it is not about empathy but fact.</p>
<p>Mummom has indicated, however, that her son is not addicted and is truly bothered, and so it is not really a big deal. I am sure he will find a better environment for himself, either on the campus he is on or another one. It is sad that he hasn’t been able to find what he was looking for. But, since it is not dangerous to him, personally, I’m not actually worried about it.</p>
<p>However, if a child is an addict and NEEDS to be in an alcohol free environment, they need to find a dry campus, and I mean REALLY dry, or they need to commute from home until they have some stability, which usually requires years in recovery. If that is not compassionate? The truth is what is important in cases like this. Because, these are the life or death cases. But the parent’s whose kids have been through treatment already know this. (It’s an incredibly depressing field to work in, btw, and compassion isn’t really the best tool) I’ve been out of addictions for a while, now, for good reason.</p>
<p>Poetgrl,</p>
<p>I don’t believe anyone here ever said anything remotely like “my son/daughter CANNOT be around drinking.” I don’t know where you got that. Nor did anyone here indicate their son or daughter was a recovering alcoholic.</p>
<p>Okay. You’re right. I’m wrong.</p>
<p>[Sober</a> in the Animal House - Well Blog - NYTimes.com](<a href=“http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/15/sober-in-the-animal-house/]Sober”>Sober in the Animal House - The New York Times)</p>
<p>A very thoughtful essay by a Dartmouth student who can’t drink due to liver disease and his perceptions of the drinking culture in his frat</p>
<p>Very insightful, stringkeymom! I hope a couple of the previous posters take a minute to read it.</p>