What is your child's pet peeve as a frosh in college

Parent Cafe
101

<p>Well, the laws are actually Federal, and Hippa and whatnot preclude conversations with parents about adult children. The schools have to follow the law and they don’t make the law. It wasn’t a challenge to get our D to sign the papers. She’s really didn’t care. And, parents can always say, “If you do not sign, I will not pay.”</p>

<p>But schools CANT just share information about individual young adults without permission. It’s against the law. </p>

<p>Parent’s might agitate for change, I suppose, but the primary issue for most is getting the kids into school, to begin with, and then they are there for four years (hopefully), and are 21-22-23 when they graduate. </p>

<p>I think the best strategy, really, is to find the right college to begin with. Because, while parents “may” control the purse strings, to some extent, most kids are getting scholarships or aid, or reduced tuitions, or loans and it isn’t very often there’s a full pay student. Also, there are many more students than places in colleges these days, particularly with the growing interest in US universities by international students. It really isn’t a buyers market right now.</p>

<p>So, in the end, it’s really up to the schools, and many University administrations are actually advocating lowering the drinking age to 18 as a way to get rid of this issue, as well. </p>

<p>I’m glad, however, that you are finding your experience with your son’s school to be freely communicative, it shows he did a good job picking the right school for his needs.</p>

102

<p>mummom, the only person I’m reading here with a defensive, prickly tone is you. What’s up with taking a swipe at a post I made in another thread adverting to the issue that some kids in substance-free dorms may not be there voluntarily, and thus not particularly interested in freedom from substances? It was immediately after repeating that another kid I know had a great experience in a substance-free dorm. (And yes, that kid was very immature when she went to college, but that’s a separate issue. I don’t think binge drinkers are mature, either, and moderate drinking and immaturity can go hand-in-hand as well.) It so happens that one of my nephews was one of those “involuntary” substance-free kids, and I can guarantee you that no room he spent any time in was ever substance-free. (Many, many issues there.)</p>

<p>I know my kids drink. Rarely to total drunkenness, although probably sometimes, at least in one case. They’re both pretty much past that stage of their life anyway, now. I have never felt defensive or apologetic about it. I do believe that some significant portion of the parents here who swear their kids don’t drink are deluding themselves, because many of the parents I meet in real life who think their kids don’t drink are deluding themselves.</p>

<p>As for mom2collegekids’ formula – sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. My mother raised her kids like that. She was a very charismatic high school teacher, extremely popular with her children’s peers, and easy for anyone to talk to. Out of the four of us, two (one boy, one girl) gave full disclosure of everything they did or felt, extensively detailed, in real time, from their early teens well into adulthood. One (me) would discuss things in theory, but rarely with any identifying specifics, at least not before 6-8 months had passed. (I violated my own 6-month rule just once, when I was a senior in college – I wanted to show myself I was secure enough to give my mother the full access to my life she longed for – and I have been paying dearly for it ever since. Just a horrible mistake.) And the last child was name-rank-and-serial-number only from the time she was 11. It is nearly impossible for anyone to have a personal conversation with her. If a formula produces the results you like, some of that is luck.</p>

103

<p>Mummom… seriously… we don’t care? That’s a pretty cavalier statement from someone who has all of 14 posts on this board. Parents on CC care deeply or we wouldn’t be here. So please push your soap box aside and understand that just because you can’t control your child it doesn’t mean you don’t care what they do or who they become friends with. We tried to meet as many friends of our son’s as we could. His “best” friend gives me great confidence that they indeed do look out for one another, are serious students with high parental expectations and the hope is they will take that into additional consideration when going out on the weekends. </p>

<p>What is it that you want me to do or believe I can do from where I sit at this point? And if you don’t wish to be viewed negatively, quit lumping parents who are trying to be realistic as not caring. Please do not presume to know me well enough to even put the thought out there. Glad to know your kids school is so open with their communication. Do his professors email you with his test scores and attendance? </p>

<p>The dean at my son’s school has said that she will encourage kids to call their parents if there are issues that require their attention. If they have three warnings of alcohol, the school emails the parents (and informs them of the punishment levied). They too are doing the best they can in light of federal law etc. Sanctimony never invites understanding or appreciation of another point of view because by definition there IS no other view but your own. </p>

<p>Let me also just add that if I was a staunchly unyielding as you seem to be, my son would find it very difficult to confide in me on any level… and I would probably know even less than I do now! That in itself gives me enough reason to not be reactive to every mention of a party to assume he is wasted or sloshed or drunk because then I’ve risked missing the point of his telling me he went at all.</p>

104

<p>poetgrl - actually school can share student’s academic information with parents as long as the student is still a dependent on parent’s tax return. Schools like Colgate still mail student’s grades home to parents.</p>

105

<p>they cannot share health related information. It’s against the law. I, as a psychologist, cannot share information with parents but attempt to encourage clients to share with parents.</p>

106

<p>Okay - How about we get back to the original question:</p>

<p>What are your child’s pet peeves as a Freshman?</p>

107

<p>Academic, not health related information. But the school could contact the parents if they feel there is substance abuse and a kid is in danger.</p>

108

<p>Eddie- I’ll have to add to my previous list. Laundry. D has to haul her laundry to another building. Even when it appears washers are available, they are usually full of someone’s wet clothes. And I know, she could take them out, but she’s still a bit shy about doing so. Originally she was planning on coming home this weekend so I told her I would help her with laundry- then she realized it was a pretty social weekend on grounds coming up. Allegedly she is “just too busy” yet I frequently see her on gchat or facebook. I guess she can’t facebook AND do laundry at the same time.</p>

109

<p>About laundry - I know for the first few weeks Odessagirl was doing her homework in the laundryroom. She said it was bright, quiet, and smelled good. She started doing her German while her clothes were washing (she could talk out loud because nobody was in there). And then frequently went back even if she had no laundry to do!</p>

110

<p>Laundry, yes, my D would agree with you 100%. Her biggest grievance was dinner at 6. At home, it’s 8.30 at the earliest (European), and although she avoided the full fresman fifteen, she admitted that the extra pounds were due to intensive pizza consumption around 10 or 11 because she was… starving!</p>

111

<p>D has done okay in the food department. It sounds like lunch is her big meal of the day with friends from classes and then she is fond of a “to go” box on the way to the library. I don’t think the food is anything to write home about. And now that you mention it, she frequently mentions being hungry in the evening.</p>

<p>I wish I could talk her into doing homework in the laundry room! From your daughter’s description I’d like to do work there too!</p>

112

<p>I have no clue how the laundry thing is going. However, I will add that if facebook pictures were any indication - he is wearing the same shirt ALL the time. One time in college I had my jeans and towels tolen (washed together). It was the most heartbreaking thing ever. Not the towels, the jeans! And that was long before jeans cost as much as they do now.</p>

113

<p>Modadunn: I would like to clarify that in a post early on poetgrl wrote “I’m not worried about what other kids are doing.” Perhaps I wrongly assumed she meant that she did not Care what other kids are doing. I suppose there is a distinction? In the same post, I think, she implied that I should be more flexible. You have stated that I am rigid, I think. I’m not understanding how I and/or my kid are inflexible and rigid. I’m really not. I have simply expressed concern that it is hard for many nondrinking kids to find like-minded friends as first semester freshman. I’ve also expressed the idea that the campus drinking culture has changed since the seventies–for the worse, and that it’s harder for these kids to find social venues than it was in our day. That’s all I’ve done. I truly am not understanding why these ideas seem so inflammatory to some.</p>

114

<p>mummom, perhaps you could start a separate thread to air your views, so that the rest of us can get on with the topic.</p>

115

<p>LasMa: That is so funny. I just kinda knew that when I came back to this computer that would be the response. It is funny to me how it’s okay for Modadunn and poetgrl , JHS, etc. to continue on the drinking discussion while making pointed remarks about me, but when I post it’s time to change the topic again. Well, whatever. Btw, the lack of nondrinking activities (and he’s tried Hard for three months now, doing lots of joining, etc.) IS my kid’s major pet peeve so it is on topic. :)</p>

116

<p>My S4’s pet peeve has been about the food. It is not that it’s bad or anything; it’s the lack of meat in the dishes. They advertised that they offered vegetarian and vegan options. Little did we know that it meant >50% of the dishes would fall into those categories. He was very disappointed when burger night turned out to be veggie burgers.</p>

<p>His other pet peeve is his roommate. He was originally placed as a triple in a double room, which felt crowded to him. An opening came up with a sophomore in a nearby dorm and he decided to move. His new roommate is a gamer, never leaves the room and doesn’t talk. In the first two weeks, he saw his roommate leave once, maybe to go to class or to eat. His main gripe is that he never gets any alone time in his dorm room, as his roommate is on WOW all the time.</p>

117

<p>From Poetgrl</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Famous last words</p>

<p>oops</p>

118

<p>LOL Berryberry. You must have met my poor husband. :wink: </p>

<p>D really hates the hours the cafeteria is open and wishes she had more freedom as to when to eat, also what. I think this is fairly unoriginal, though I do hear it in several different variations.</p>

119

<p>akck, D has found that the vegetarian options are among the more palatable items offered. She’s fortunate that there are multiple places/varied menus that she can grab food at. Son is a sophomore at another college and while he raved about the food last year he commented that the food this year was exactly the same as last year- same meals, same days, same rotation in other words. </p>

<p>The roommate thing is always tricky. D’s in a suite of 8 girls and an RA. Four girls do everything together - one disappears by herself- and then the others, including D, are pretty much involved with life outside the suite. But that was my original pet peeve- not having any alone time at all. </p>

<p>Well, they live through it somehow!</p>

120

<p>sabaray, I’ve seen some of the menus and they look very tasty to me. I think what he’s missing is the standard meat and potatoes dishes. It could also be that he gets there after they’ve run out of some of the meat dishes.</p>

<p>On the roommate deal, this is the first time he has had to share a room (has much older brothers), so that’s probably part of it. He’s uncomfortable bringing friends to his room, so spends his time out too. The roommate may resolve itself. If he doesn’t go to class, I don’t see how he could be there much longer.</p>