<p>Hey everyone! I'll be graduating with my BA in psychology and a BS in biology spring of 2014, and I'll be 22 years old. My boyfriend will graduate the following spring, in 2015, with a bachelor's in business. I plan on attending graduate school, either to get my master's or a Ph.D. in a psych-related field. If I get a Ph.D., I won't graduate until I'm about 26-27. My boyfriend and I have been discussing when to get married, and we don't know if it's a good idea to get married while I'm still in graduate school (he is currently not planning to get a master's). Do any of you guys have experience with something like this? Is it a good idea to get married while in graduate school? Would it be hard to balance school work and married life? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!</p>
<p>A lot of people will say people getting married “young” is madness. Well, my granny got married as a teenager and her marriage lasted 600 years, give or take a decade, and produced many happy kids and grand kids. I think the <em>real</em> issue isn’t that people shouldn’t marry young, but that people in general are being raised badly in modern Western culture and consequently many aren’t ready for marriage or emotionally stable until age 40 or so.</p>
<p>Ask your family and his family what they think. If they cite finances as their only real concern, then I’d say you two are probably suited for marriage. If one of you were emotionally unsuited for marriage, or a jerk or something, somebody would notice this and say something, though they might disguise it in some polite form. If you have siblings ask them point blank what their opinion is.</p>
<p>I wish I’d been honest with my brother before his marriage, but that’s a whole other story.</p>
<p>My parents got married in grad school. I suppose the most important thing is to NOT get pregnant during grad school. I repeat, NOT GET PREGNANT. I’ve seen too many people either get pregnant and have to quit, or get pregnant, give birth, and run around like a slave while the kid doesn’t even get raised very well (unless there’s a stay-at-home dad thing going on). So I’d say go for the marriage if you want to…and make sure to save the kids for netheryear.</p>
<p>It all depends on your level of maturity and commitment. Two of my graduate school classmates and I all got married in graduate school and had children. Their spouses were working and mine was in graduate school too. We are all still married over 30 years later.</p>
<p>We did it, lived in married student housing in the 80’s at IU. A great stage of our lives, lots of growing together. It isn’t for everyone but I do think it can be a very good experience for a marriage.</p>
<p>All of your guys’ responses have been great! I think a major concern of mine is finances, trying to pay for a wedding and trying to get a house together while I’m still in school</p>
<p>Be realistic and have a modest wedding. If your heart is set on having a big princess-for-a-day wedding then you aren’t mature enough yet.</p>
<p>You’re absolutely right, TomServo. I’m not the princess-type anyway lol.</p>
<p>“Should I get married in grad school” isn’t the same question at all as “should I buy a house in grad school.” I personally would recommend against buying a house unless you’re absolutely certain that you’ll be able to get the job you want where you currently live once you graduate. And I’d recommend against kids for the same reasons mentioned above, but “should I get married” isn’t the same as “should I have kids,” either.</p>
<p>Two can live together more cheaply than two can live apart, all else being equal. Being married is inherently neither more nor less expensive than shacking up.</p>
<p>If you want to get married, I don’t see where grad school or the lack thereof has much bearing on it.</p>
<p>Oh gosh, don’t buy a house in grad school! Buying a house at any stage of life is questionable, IMO.</p>
<p>Buying a house ties you to a geographic area big time and limits your future job options, it’s like tying a piano to your ankle. Part of the reason Americans’ have been stagnating economically is that so many of us are unwilling to find work outside of a narrowly defined part of the country.</p>
<p>I imagine a lot of people feel tied down geographically due to family than due to housing concerns.</p>
<p>I don’t think there would be any logistical issues to getting married in grad school that wouldn’t also be a logistical issue to being in any other committed relationship while in grad school-- if it’s long distance, if you can find jobs in the right place, etc. If you are able to commit to making the sacrifices necessary to stay together, as students and when you have to find jobs, I think it can work. I would advise against buying a house until you’ve found jobs. We just bought our first house and we are planning to get married next year, we were able to make that commitment because we have good, stable jobs in the area. You don’t need to own a house to be married.</p>
<p>As for paying for a wedding, that all depends on you. If you don’t like what you can afford now, you either make do or you wait. It’s up to you. I could have gotten married last year when we bought our house but we wanted to have more money for our wedding and to start our married life with, and we were a little short on cash right after buying the house… so we waited. I feel our relationship is no worse for wear.</p>
<p>I feel like if you have to ask this question here, you aren’t ready yet. When you are ready for marriage you won’t need anybody elses advice, you and your boyfriend will know better than anyone that you are ready.</p>
<p>echoing the DO NOT buy a house advice. Lots of grad students enter their programs married; several marry while in grad school; male students have become fathers in grad school (very few female students become moms and finish) but I don’t think I know of anyone buying a house while in grad school.</p>
<p>Most of us were not thinking of settling in the same place as our grad school. The one person I know who had a house, only had it because he couldn’t sell it.</p>
<p>Off topic but I don’t get why wanting a big princess-for-a-day wedding would mean you’re not ready to get married. In some places, it’s tradition and a family affair so you’re almost obligated to do the giant wedding. If you’re smart, you can do a big wedding and not spend a fortune.</p>
<p>The people on this site really need to stop ragging on the lives and desires of others. It’s trashy.</p>
<p>We made it through, 30+ years. After living together a long time, we got married when he was working on his PhD and I was starting my career. </p>
<p>It’s a good idea to wait til you have an income and, as a unit, are self-supporting. Realize that, unlike living together, it’s not as easy to go back to family to pay a school bill or float you the rent. There are greater expectations of independence and certain responsibilities as an official “unit” - legally responsible for many things together- bills, taxes, decisions, plus family obligations. Wish you the best. If you are ready and the relationship is solid, go for it. But realize it’s not just about getting married, there’s a lot of work needed to make things good and lasting. Different challenges that can arise. </p>
<p>Agree, don’t buy a house until you know where you are, in many respects. Not even with family help, in today’s economy. Not just the possible losses if you end up with short term ownership and need to sell to take a new job, but the responsibilities for maintenance and etc are their own challenge when one person is consumed by school.</p>
<p>Haha… To echo lookingforward’s point about “certain expectations of independence,” I just vividly remembered when my fianc</p>
<p>I’m getting married during grad school. We’re having a very small beach wedding. If you want a huge wedding, grad school is not the time to do it. We’ll have been living together for four years when we get married and I’ve been self-supporting the whole time and he for 3/4 years. </p>
<p>Don’t buy a house. That’s stupid IMO. </p>
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<p>Now THAT I highly disagree with. You never stop needing advice ;)</p>
<p>I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting married in grad school so long as you are financially stable. Do you two live together? If not, and of you don’t have a problem with it, maybe that should be the first step. Save for an apartment made for 2. I just think it would be difficult to get married before having some sense of the expenses you will endure, one of the biggest causes of split ups is unfortunately, finances.</p>
<p>Not nice to only quote half my sentence. 
I call my mommy for advice daily, but I didn’t need her to tell me if I was ready to get married-- and certainly not CC College Life. </p>
<p>When you ARE settled into one area, with jobs and all, buying a house can be a good thing. Our mortgage is half what our rent was and our utilities are way less as well, we are getting so much more for so much less money now that we are homeowners. But we only did it because we already had roots here. We were stable, and done with school.</p>
<p>My parents got married while my dad was working on his master’s degree. They had me (surprise!), and then moved cross-country when I was six weeks old so that Dad could get his PhD. I think it was really rough on my mom, especially since they moved to a cold climate from Texas. She didn’t know a soul, and she knew nothing about taking care of a baby. She made it, though, and they’re still married, 52 years later. My dad is still a full-time prof, too!</p>