I think mentoring could be very helpful. Perhaps it could be integrated into IvyG, Inter-Ivy and FGCSN.
@ Iwonderwhere This is so true. This same person who I previously mentioned as a good friend of my ad, had the opportunity to meet Steven Schwartzman, and was truely excited, upon relaying it to his family, it was meet with a resounding âwho?â.
This thread is at times hilarious and sad. And sometimes even in the same post.
Everyone should take to heart what Hanna wrote in post no. 249: âThe lesson I take away from all of this is to take people at their word when theyâve lived an experience and I havenât. If they say itâs difficult to walk in those shoes, I should take that seriously, even if itâs hard to understand.â
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"My first tux was $25. A dinner jacket followed for $15 and a suit for $20. We had to drive to a thrift store in an upscale community. I had to type two papers to get a girl who could sew to make a few alterations. It looked like a million bucks.
I didnât wait until I needed them. There is no excuse to come up short, even on something like that. "
yes- truly inexcusable for the kid of modest means not to know where the nearest upscale community is upon arriving at college. And really- who needs to save their cash to pay lab fees or buy books when what they should be doing is buying a dinner jacket?
Alternative universe I think.
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Should this be on the high priority for the colleges an the low income students? Or should academic support and performance, and financial aid for many more poor students have higher priority?
" Iwonderwhere This is so true. This same person who I previously mentioned as a good friend of my ad, had the opportunity to meet Steven Schwartzman, and was truely excited, upon relaying it to his family, it was meet with a resounding âwho?â."
Iâm a 1%er and I donât know who Steven Schwartzmann is. I googled him so now I know, but that falls squarely under âinformation I donât remotely need to know.â What would be so exciting about meeting him? Iâm sure he puts his pants legs on one at a time just like the rest of us. Yawn.
My mother grew up truly dirt poor, daughter of an immigrant. She and my dad had a bit more money, but not much. Once when my dad was out of work, my mom told me I couldnât go on a school field trip to New York City because it cost too much. My teacher could tell I really wanted to go, so offered to lend me the money/pay for it. My mother was furious that the teacher found out the reason, and refused to let me accept. If there was one thing she was taught by her European father, it was to NEVER ask people for financial help as a matter of pride. Years and years later, I found myself as a parent in similar situation as my mom. We had just had to give a very large sum of money to a relative in another country to pay hospital bills. Thus, we were really broke, so I had to say no to what was a frivolous school field trip to an arcade. Dâs teacher interrogated her about why she was not going, until D finally admitted it was not in our budget. D felt bad about it, so I told her that if she wanted, I would write a note to the school counselor to explain the problem, since I had heard while in the PTO that the school kept a fund for such things. The result? Nothing. No response. I guess she didnât âlookâ enough like a poor kid. Read into that what you want.
You all make these things sound so easy. Just ask for help. Just ask to borrow money. People everywhere are just dying to give you free stuff, so whatâs the big deal?
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GFG, I agree with you that it is not easy. However, for those who seem to need a high level of social acceptance (and Iâm not referring to that in a cynical or critical way â one child of mine needs it much, much more than the other child; thatâs not a value judgment), perhaps some environments are not ideal for them. The one who didnât need it did attend a wealthy institution but did not encounter much of the fixation on wealthy displays because she had other options there for friendships and acquaintances. (And the same thing occurred at the ritzy high school which her sis also attended; the disparity bothered sis much, much more.) I think it would have been disastrous had the younger attended âan elite.â (There was still some residual problem for her in the public elite she attended, even though she was also conscious of how much more elite her academic preparation was compared to her dorm-mates.) I have tried to counsel younger sis that those who demand wealth as the price of friendship have earned an F in friendship. I think she is beginning to see that but it may take much more maturing.
There really are other options, is the point Iâm trying to make. Someone earlier on this thread, i think, mentioned that some elite environments that are not Ivies are more snobby than others; perhaps thatâs because in those cases the environments are smaller and the âelitismâ harder to ignore or escape.
It would be a problem if all elite colleges & Uâs lacked more than one non-rich student, but thatâs not the case, and some rich people associate comfortably with the non-rich. It may take finding the right college or the right group of students with more genuine values.
So per Pizzagirl, anything not relevant to her world and sensibilities is immediately fodder? The point was not at all that the aforementioned person is cool or the catâs meow, but only to suggest it was important for the student, at that stage of his life. On the other hand, I find your perpetual nature of bring so organically and seamlessly dismissive on such a great array and depth of subjects to be really attractive-not.
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Not many showed up on campus with less than I had, but the way you get some is to WORK for it.
Itâs important enough to maintain an emergency fund so you have $5 to get into the museum if you are required to for class.
The students I described didnât flaunt wealth either, because they were scholarship students. It appears they simply felt that if someone was âwealthyâ that person was expected to spend money in a certain way.
Very interesting implied assumption that lower SES kids donât know anything about how to âwork for itâ.
Ironic considering most lower SES kidsâŠincluding yours truly worked part-time/weekend jobs from elementary school on and it was actually more likely the upper/upper-middle class kids in undergrad who had never held a summer job or only did so during summers during mid-late HS.
IME, it was also the upper/upper-middle class kids who were more likely to have issues with running out of money because they didnât plan budgets well. Either they didnât feel the need to pay attention to parents trying to teach them about budgeting or the parents never bothered to teach them.
One standout case was overhearing a friendâs hallmate in a private Boston area university during our freshman year screaming his demands to his father to send him more money after he ran out of a very generous allotment because he blew it on clubbing and fancy furnishings for his dormroom only barely a month after the term started. According to the friend and several hallmates including the roommate of the angry entitled screamer, his father was a major mover and shaker in international finance.
Though his father either didnât teach him or said screamer failed to pay attention the fundamentals of budgeting, his father at least realized what an entitled brat he raised and basically cut him off which was clear from the fact the son was ragingly demanding his father send him more money and told the father âdonât you dare cut me off!!â.
Not too long afterwards, said friend mentioned the screamerâs father came to campus and forced his son to withdraw from school on account of the over-the-top entitled and financially irresponsible behavior as underscored by the raging phone call so loud practically everyone in that wing of the dorm heard it word for word even with the room door being shut.
Can one âpop tagsâ at a thrift store? 
I have to assume you arenât implying I was engaged in illegal activity.
If you can get one for less than the cost of a single rental, itâs a pretty good plan.
Ha Ha. If itâs keeping your weight down, itâs probably one of the best purchases someone could ever make.
Depends on whether youâre going places or not.
I went through my whole college career with no âdressâ clothes. I canât think of any schoolmates who even had a suit till med school interviews, except the choirboys.
Not sure if we should say âlucky youâ or not. Bottom line is people are different and do different things. I had some great invites and the tux worked out very well for me. Same with the dinner jacket and the suit.
Bottom line- you may have gotten a lot of use out of your tux, but your compassion muscle could use some flexing.
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