What score would this essay get?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I'm practicing for the SAT this October, and right now I'm focusing on the Section 1 essay. Here's an essay and its prompt I just did in 25 minutes, what do you guys think it would get (1 - 12)?</p>

<p>Prompt:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
Many colleges now offer courses in which students study television programs, comic books, magazines, advertising, and other aspects of popular culture. Critics complain that schools should not replace serious literature and history courses with such fluff. They claim that courses in popular culture present material that is trivial and inconsequential. But the study of popular culture can be just as important, demanding, and instructive as the study of traditional subjects.
Assignment:
Can the study of popular culture be as valuable as the study of traditional literary and historical subjects? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

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My essay:

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<pre><code>*Unfortunately, we live in a society whose interests reflect a deterioration in the sophistication of culture. News articles, TV shows, and movies are now entirely used for entertainment consumption, and demonstrate no analytical thoughtfulness or inquiry that characterizes true literature. While popular culture is important, it cannot replace the study of traditional subjects in our colleges.

The popular TV show "Psych" provides an example of how contemporary entertainment is a devolution from older classics. Based on a young man named Shawn who was born with incredible powers of perception, the show obviously mirrors the ramous "Sherlock Holmes" series. While the latter is based on true wit and deductive reasoning, the former finds its popularity in weak puns and simple storylines. Though in some ways similar to the original, it cannot educate our students half as well.

"Twilight" is a modern book series that has hit the big screens in the past few years, but exemplifies the lack of effort put into today's popular storylines and scripts. It's a tale with potential, telling of the love life of a vampire and a human. However, the ideas are clearly simplified to appeal to the general teenage audience, and does not compare to it's old-fashioned counterparts, perhaps including "Dracula", in complexation or thought put into the writing. "Twilight", then, simply outlines another drop in intelligent reading.

Overall, popular culture is no substitute for conventional literature. The plummeting trend of sophistication in contemporary writing can only perpetuate itself in today's students themselves.*
</code></pre>

<p>(END)</p>

<p>Thanks for any help you can give me, I'm really aiming for a 12 this October!</p>

2

<p>Sadly, length is a crucial factor in the SAT essay. At just 248 words, your essay is on the short side. Unless you have absurdly large handwriting, you will not be able to fill both pages and you will be marked down for a short essay. Aim for 400-500 words next time.</p>

<p>In terms of content, your first body paragraph has two sentences of background information on the TV show “Psych.” Your analysis has no concrete evidence (give some examples of weak puns and simple storylines. The second paragraph hints mentions the ideas of Twilight. What ideas? You did not go enough in depth in these examples with your comparison between Twilight and Dracula. The graders don’t want to read research papers with superfluous facts, but you don’t have any facts at all. </p>

<p>There are also blatant grammatical errors (commas where there shouldn’t be commas, and it’s when you need its). I don’t even understand the meaning of the last sentence.</p>

<p>This may seem harsh, but as an objective reader who does not have any background in “Psych” or “Twilight,” I will have to give this a 3-4 out of 12.</p>

<p>Reading this essay feels like I am eating just the skins of hollowed out potatoes with poor seasoning.</p>

3

<p>Thanks moltenicee! Yeah, I’ve always had problems with length, and I’ll definitely work toward over 500 words. The content of my essays are generally better than this, but you’re right, it does need drastic improvement. 3 - 4 seems pretty accurate for what problems you described. Thanks again!</p>

4

<p>Everyone’s gotta start somewhere, eh? :)</p>

5

<p>Also, wouldn’t it be better and add to the length of your essay if you fleshed out your examples for your thesis statement? " while popular culture is important… "And now -give me some examples of popular culture being important and then go on and show how it is less worthy than traditional literature. Also develop your " worthy literature " examples.</p>

6

<p>Okay, that’s interesting. I think I could definitely apply that to my later essays. Whew it’s a good thing I have a couple months :stuck_out_tongue: thanks @cheekymonkey</p>

7

<p>This is a four. </p>

<p>Length does matter, but that in itself isn’t the biggest problem here. (Even one of Shakespeare’s throwaway sonnets has more merit that any five Nicholas Sparks “novels” combined.) Still, a bit more of the right kind of development would get this to a five.</p>

<p>If you’d have answered the entire question, this would be a five with potential for a six.</p>