Pls Grade my Essay......

College Essays
1

<p>Pls Grade my Essay......</p>

<p>Prompt:
Our culture puts entirely too much emphasis on popular entertainment. Of course, we all need to be distracted occasionally, but if we spend a lot of time browsing our favorite websites, watching television, playing video games, or updating our social networking accounts, we are merely avoiding life’s more important realities. Moreover, none of these activities helps us develop any of the skills or acquire any of the knowledge we need to succeed in the real world.</p>

<p>Assignment:</p>

<h2> Can popular entertainment offer us anything of value, or is it just a worthless distraction? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</h2>

<p>Many people might think that popular entertainment is a "worthless distraction", but I believe in the former statement that it does offer us some important values. Popular entertainment, often us many things which we might not realize. It also provides us an alternative to escape from boredom and depression and give us a chance to laugh and maybe sometimes shed a tear or two.</p>

<p>From some incidents of the past we can observed that how a popular TV serial helped save a life. In UK, a guy rushed with his girlfriend to the hospital when she went into labour pains. To their horror, the baby was delivered in the car and was turning blue. The father of the new born baby recollected an episode from the popular TV serial "E.R" and started rubbing its back and thus granting it a life. Many TV serials like "Modern Family" cherish the thin thread that binds every family.Moreover such serials portray the feelings of every member of the family and give us reasons for their behavior on certain issues. Such serials not only bring the family member together but watching this, we will share some giggles and some tear over its laughably honest portrayal of family life. Some serials also help us to look into the glimpses of the past like "How the States got its Shape" tell us the reason behind the reason behind the shape of states like Illinois or Idaho.</p>

<p>It is indeed rightly said that appearance are often deceptive. Just because most of the people believe that TV is worthless shouldn't bother our way of seeing things. It is our choice to decide what we stand for... </p>

2

<p>3/6
Maybe 4/6, but it’s a stretch.
You need to have a more concrete thesis and your argument in the first paragraph is weak. Try to expand more on what you saying. Also, your essay is way too short you want another body paragraph or two.</p>

3

<p>Also, there are lots of spelling and grammar mistakes.</p>

4

<p>Thank u… This was my first attempt …I will try to add more points & increase its length…Also please let me know the spelling and grammatical errors… </p>

5

<p>Most times, instaed of series you say serial. Also,the first sentence of 2nd paragraph has grammar errors. Paragraph 2 has quite a few of those.</p>

6

<p>Your draft:
Many people might think that popular entertainment is a “worthless distraction”, but I believe in the former statement that it does offer us some important values. Popular entertainment, often us many things which we might not realize. It also provides us an alternative to escape from boredom and depression and give us a chance to laugh and maybe sometimes shed a tear or two.</p>

<p>My revision:
Many people might think that popular entertainment is a worthless distraction, but I believe it offers us some important values; it offers an alternative to boredom, it can help fight depression, it can make us laugh and feel other emotions we other wise wouldn’t.
This is the thesis^^^^^^^^ and the first paragraph now every paragraph that follows must follow this structure, each paragraph being one of the points above, (Fights bordom, make laugh, fight depression, give us chance to laugh/other emotions)</p>

<p>Your Draft:
From some incidents of the past we can observed that how a popular TV serial helped save a life. In UK, a guy rushed with his girlfriend to the hospital when she went into labour pains. To their horror, the baby was delivered in the car and was turning blue. The father of the new born baby recollected an episode from the popular TV serial “E.R” and started rubbing its back and thus granting it a life. Many TV serials like “Modern Family” cherish the thin thread that binds every family.Moreover such serials portray the feelings of every member of the family and give us reasons for their behavior on certain issues. Such serials not only bring the family member together but watching this, we will share some giggles and some tear over its laughably honest portrayal of family life. Some serials also help us to look into the glimpses of the past like “How the States got its Shape” tell us the reason behind the reason behind the shape of states like Illinois or Idaho.</p>

<p>My revision:
There was a recent incident in which a popular TV show saved a life. A man in the UK rushed his pregnant girlfriend to the hospital after she went into labor. The baby was delivered in the car on the way, the father noticed that the newborn was blue. Remembering an episode of “E.R,” he started to rub the baby’s back and saved her life.</p>

<p>Many TV series like “Modern Family” cherish the thin thread that binds every family. Such series portray the feelings of every member of the family and give us reasons for their behavior on certain issues. Some shows bring the family members together, by sharing giggles and tears over its laughably honest portrayal of family life. </p>

<p>Some shows also help us to look into the glimpses of the past like “How the States got its Shape” tell us the history and reason’s the states are shaped why they are.</p>

<p>It is indeed rightly said that appearance are often deceptive. Just because most of the people believe that TV is worthless shouldn’t bother our way of seeing things. It is our choice to decide what we stand for…</p>

<p>No offense but this essay wasn’t any where near an essay it was two paragraphs that had almost nothing to do with each other. Everything that you mention in the first paragraph has to be adressed in the paragraphs receding separate paragraph. For example, write one paragraph about how TV fights depression, the next paragraph about how it fights boredom, and so on. You need to add in your thesis that educational popular shows (such as ER) can help people in real life. Good luck!!</p>

7

<p>Thank u soooo much… i had a doubt—can i write about effect of Facebook n Twitter?</p>