What surprised you most about the college process?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Just wanted to get an idea as to what people were surprised by the most during the whole college process.</p>

<p>It's been a long time since I went through this for myself and only remember applying to and being accepted to that one school. But things have changed a lot since that time and I wanted my kids to have lots of opportunities, so we encouraged them to get good grades and participate in activities. (We didn't push them to take classes that they weren't interested in just because it was AP, but encouraged them to do things that they liked though).</p>

<p>But, during this whole process, I think what surprised me the most was the number of international students that they are in competition in for some of the better schools. It's tough enough for them to be up against the best and brightest from the US, but had no idea that they'd be up against the best and brightest from so many other countries too.</p>

<p>I'm not saying that internationals shouldn't be able to study here, I just didn't realize the volume and competition involved with students outside the country.</p>

<p>What are some of the things that you were most surprised by (or unprepared for)?</p>

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<p>I have been surprised by the intensity of the process. Like OP, I applied to one college and was accepted and that was it. I don’t remember a lot of angst or stress. Now, the process seems to span 2-3 years and cause a great deal of stress. I work at a hs, and the level of emotion that parents bring to this process is incredible. I have seen moms in tears a number of times. We have dealt with parents who are furious that their child was not accepted at a particular school. That level of intensity has surprised me.</p>

<p>I have been surprised by the use of hooks to gain admission. Call me naive, but I really did not know, prior to working at a hs, that you can buy your way into a prestigious university. Yes, it is true. I have seen it firsthand. I have also seen the advantages that athletes and URMs have in this process. I don’t care for it, but it is what it is.</p>

<p>I have also been pleasantly surprised by what colleges have done to improve the experience since my days. The amenities at pretty much every college I have visited in recent years are incredible compared to what I remember from my days. From food courts to top quality gyms to concierge services - it blows my mind. The expansion of study abroad programs and internships, etc. has also been amazing.</p>

<p>So, I guess I can sum it up by saying, it’s a lot more work to get there, but once you get there, it’s a lot more than it used to be.</p>

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<p>I was surprised at the competition, no matter where other applicants came from. I really thought that a child with a 1500+ SAT, perfect GPA in a challenging IB program, varsity athlete, self-employed (web developer) and with strong extracurricular activities would make an applicant in hot demand everywhere. To find out that these credentials are only average in a top high school student pool surprised me. </p>

<p>I just want to know that with all of these super kids why haven’t we cured cancer yet? :)</p>

4

<p>rockvillemom: As a hs teacher I have also seen the advantages that NRM’s get and I also see the frustration in so many non-NRM’s that have worked so hard but lose out to NRM students, especially when the NRM comes from a very well-to-do family and brags that being “whatever NRM” will get them a free ride. I think that our attempts to “make things fair” has left room for a lot of abuse.</p>

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<p>^ Just curious; in absolute numbers, how many bragging “advantaged NRM’s (assuming URM’s) from well to do families are you talking about? Not to mention those that get “free rides”?” . I assume it equals the number that “lose out to NRM students”. With the number that CC posters seem to know, I often wonder how they are “under represented”. Where ARE these communities? I haven’t met a single one!</p>

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<p>The URM sitiuation is problematic, especially when the student in question is economically and socially advantaged.</p>

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<p>I have heard about too many elite students from Argentina and Columbia with well-educated parents and professional level family incomes bragging about how being classified as Hispanic has helped them in the college process. And yes, I did mean URM.</p>

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<p>Absolute number YOU have heard about “bragging full rides”? I guess I don’t mean to derail the thread, but the biggest surprise for me would be the difference between the kids I Know, and the kids I hear about on CC.</p>

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<p>Like Rockville Mom, I was surprised at the level of intensity involved in the process. The emotional roller coaster made for a wild experience and I’m glad that part is over with!</p>

<p>The hardest part now is how much I miss my s now that he is 1,200 miles away. No matter how prepared we all thought we were it is still a huge shock to the family.</p>

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<p>FLAmama - I’m not looking forward to that part at all. The college process may be hard, but having him away from home will be harder.</p>

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<p>As a student, I was surprised at how many schools other kids applied to.
I only did 5 and thought that was alot, but I’ve seen up to 25 applications!! CRAZY</p>

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<p>Okay Shrinkrap - don’t know your age, but since you want numbers - three this year and probably 2-3 each school year for the last few years. I also know of a number of students, URMS and non-URM’s, who have been bragging this year that their parent’s financial situation (bad economy) will give them a full-ride to an Ivy league. Now, the latter bragging types may not get their Ivy full ride, but the hard working middle school kids hear it and believe it. My daughter even made a comment about if we were poor she could go anywhere. I know that isn’t the case, but we, like many can’t afford an Ivy league education and she made a different school choice. </p>

<p>Hard-working middle to high middle income students are feeling frustrated that their choices are limited because they aren’t a URM or their parents have been able to weather this economy, even if they had to eat up their savings to do it. Yesterday one of my non-URM students shared how frustrated she is trying to find scholarships but so many depend on you either having to be need-based or a URM. Now I realize that helping the need-based is wonderful, I think their are a lot more need-based kids out their whose need isn’t really shown on paper.</p>

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<p>I just want to add, I’m a low income URM, and life is NOT a cakewalk for us. Yes, we get money to help pay for college, but we’ve endured 18 years of having less. My parents have always lived within their means. We carry no debt other than our house, but cannot manage to save even 500 dollars for college.
Now that my dad is sick and not working, our situation is even worse</p>

<p>We’ve struggle and done everything in our power to do what we can, and I still have less than the vast majority of my friends/kids on this site.</p>

<p>I’m poor, and while my finaid might be great, it’s still a HUGE stretch for me because my parents cannot afford to give me a dime for school.</p>

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<p>I had sticker shock the first time I got serious about D1’s college quest. I went to an LAC on FA and merit aid in the 70’s. I always assumed we would be able to afford to sent one or both D’s there. When I realized that one year, including tuition, room, board, books, travel, fees and all was $45,000 plus, and would be $180,000 for four years I about died. Add in spending money, maybe going greek, etc it would be $200,000. Times two. </p>

<p>Second shock was running the EFC and realizing that, while costs were up ALOT from when I went, I had also been upwardly mobile, and had a nice income to show for it. Too nice. </p>

<p>Wouldn’t you know, D1 did not like the small size of my or any other LAC, and wanted the Division I type U. State flagship turned out to be her first choice. And into her second year, she remains thrilled with her choice. </p>

<p>My next lesson was about fit. And luckily D2 came second. She is 2nd in her class, has solid scores, decent EC’s, a passion that shows up on her resume. She could have gone to either state flagship, and beyond. But they did not suit her, and she did not feel like they were at ALL a fit. And she is a nester. She does not want to be as far from the nest when she leaves. So she will be going to what many here on CC call a directional U (a state U that is not flagship, that may have some sort of NORTH/SOUTH in it’s name.) But she is going on merit aid from the U, will graduate HS with her AA and a transfer tuition scholarship from her community college, bright futures, and Florida prepaid. She gets it all, and any balance left is hers to spend on room, board, books, (we have one year of prepaid room already). She is thrilled about her choice and the opportunities of the honors program. And I have learned that what other parents think about my kid’s choice matters not to me or my kid. Fit trumps prestige with D2.</p>

<p>So my recommendation is to understand the costs and what you can afford, and understand fit, and what it means to your student.</p>

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<p>On the URM topic - here is an example from my son’s school - last year about 12 kids applied to Stanford. One was accepted and he considers himself African-American, with one white and one non-white parent. He lives in a wealthy neighborhood and both of his parents are college educated. I certainly don’t know his exact GPA or test scores, but I do know that he was not in as many AP classes as some of the other students. Now, his essay may have been amazing, I don’t know. His ECs might have been extraordinary, I don’t know. But it kind of gives the appearance that being a minority gave his application the extra oomph it needed for him to be accepted. By the way, I’m not talking about free rides - just the advantage in admissions.</p>

<p>I have no issue with URMs who come from underprivileged backgrounds, or who grew up in one-parent homes. I have no quibble with URMs who are the first generation to go to college. It is the students of color who have had every advantage given to them and then play the race card when it suits them that I have a problem with.</p>

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<p>Black students (even half black) are still underrepresented minorities on most college campuses, so yes, they will be given a boost. You have to look at it from the institution’s point of view. They want the diversity, racially as well as economically. It’s a private university, and if they want to give an extra boost to an under represented race, why is that any less legit than a boost for athletic ability, or legacy? It makes sense to me. </p>

<p>Black students are especially wanted for balance in California, where qualified Asian Americans and white students apply by the thousands. Unfortunately, black students from underprivileged backgrounds who also have the qualifications to do well in a competitive environment like Stanford are not applying in big enough numbers, so yes, they will take some from the advantaged classes. Most students want that balance and diversity, as well, and don’t want a school made up of overwhelmingly white and Asian students.</p>

<p>I don’t want to derail this thread, but I hope to make the previous poster feel better about this student and the situation.</p>

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<p>bobmom, I won’t lie; it feels like a missing limb. Time has not really helped, if anything it is now that the true shock is settling in, but in two months we will have him back for most of the summer and by August I think we will all be “ready” again! </p>

<p>Also, I surprised myself by doing much better than I thought I would at graduation (no ugly crying) and even better at the dorm drop-off. Our s lectured us (well, me) on causing an emotional scene and asked us (again, me) to please show up as good looking parents! In the end the joy ultimately trumps the sorrow and every parent can allow themselves a few dignified tears!</p>

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<p>The biggest surprise in this process is how quickly the four years of college have gone!
I can’t believe my youngest is graduating in May- it feels like he just started. Soon I won’t be able to say I
have college students anymore. All grown up.</p>

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<p>* The URM sitiuation is problematic, especially when the student in question is economically and socially advantaged. *</p>

<p>Not necessarily, since ethnic minority status has disadvantages attached it it even when a person is advantaged in other ways. On average, even the richest members of ethnic minorities do significantly worse on most health, economic, and social indices than their white counterparts. For one example, a sociological experiment found that black men who were sent to apply for jobs with identical resumes to white men got the job far less often than the white applicants. In fact, the black men without a criminal record were less likely to get hired than the white men WITH a criminal record. This was done in the 1990s, so it’s not ancient history.</p>

<p>Other experiments have shown that resumes with stereotypical “black” names on them got called for interviews far less often resumes with “white” names on them, even when everything else was identical. Employers who identified voices as “black” over the phone were less likely to offer a job to the possessors of those voices even when their resumes were, again, identical to applicants who didn’t have “black” voices. Regardless of income and credit score, black applicants for mortgages get denied for those applications far more often than white applicants. And black people in the United States are at higher risk for just about every negative health outcome - hypertension, cardiovascular disease, low birthweight infants, HIV, homicide, obesity - regardless of their income bracket.</p>

<p>The ONLY time most ethnic minority kids and low-income kids ever have an advantage over middle-class and higher kids and white kids is in the college admissions process. It’s kind of shameful to hear middle-class white kids and their parents whining about it, actually, and evidences the misunderstanding about the impact that being poor and/or an ethnic minority can have on you in this country.</p>

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<p>I overestimated where my older son would get in and (already!) underestimated where my younger son would get in.</p>

<p>There is also a huge wealth vs. income gap between whites and blacks. Just as an example, our income would get us financial aid many places, but the wealth we inherited makes us full pay.</p>