How would you react to the news? What would you ask of them? What advice would you give? Do you have any actual anecdotes?
This is very common.
Before my oldest went to high school, I watched “Race to Nowhere”, and really didn’t get it. After both daughters had finished high school, I watched it again. I got it the second time. It is quite accurate.
I am most familiar with the suburban “high achievement” high schools. The drugs were the ones that the students’ psychiatrists had prescribed – but were nonetheless common.
There are a very large number of students in high school in the US who are suffering from excessive stress. This has resulted in very high rates of stress related illnesses among our high school students. For example there is a lot of anorexia in the high school in our town. When my oldest was a senior in high school, two kids committed suicide at a different but nearby high school in a neighboring town. Several of my daughters’ friends were treated for anorexia. One acquaintance had to drop out of university due to health problems related to anorexia. Many of both daughters’ friends and acquaintances have been treated for depression.
A daughter’s good friend dropped out of the high-stress suburban public high school and went to a “very good but lower stress” Waldorf high school. She did well there (and is currently a strong student at a very good university). Many of the top students at the same Waldorf high school have gone on to very good LACs and universities. One just graduated cum laude from a highly ranked well known LAC.
Learn about the symptoms of depression, anorexia, and stress related illnesses. Watch for them in your kids. Be aware that straight A or even straight A+ students can be near the point of collapse.
Remind your kids that where you go to university is not particularly important. I see graduates from MIT and graduates from U.Mass Amherst work side by side all the time. There are many very successful graduates from universities which are ranked in the top 200 or even top 500 who go on to have very successful careers. Students can get into a top 100 or even top 50 university without having to take on the stress of long lists of AP classes and leadership ECs.
Only take AP classes in subjects that interest you and that you are good at. Only participate in extracurricular activities that you are interested in participating in. Find a university that is a good fit for you and that appreciates what you have done. There are hundreds of great universities in the US, and more elsewhere. Go get an ice cream with dad at the local “fancy ice cream” place from time to time.
Very well written @DadTwoGirls. I completely agree.
My daughter has found counseling to be very helpful. She’s fortunate that she can see someone at her school every week. She has encouraged her friends to go, too. She has learned a lot of good tools to cope when she starts feeling stressed or anxious.
This depends on so many factors. And the response to stress in high school, when they are still at home (and possibly under18) is different from the response to a stressed kid in college.
For the latter, response can vary from more phone calls, to a visit (emergency or check-in), to emailing a dean or therapist, to pulling the kid out on medical leave.
It’s pretty hard to answer this since it is so general.
Once they are over 18 you can’t force them into counseling unless you want to use tactics involving withdrawal of financial support.
I would remind my child that she isn’t alone, to not be afraid to ask for help, and that health (physical and emotional) is the most important things in life.
OP, your questions are often a variation on a theme. You rarely follow up on your 86 threads. You have only about 50 replies, and most of those replies are to just two of your threads. It’s difficult to talk to someone who doesn’t respond. You need more help than people on CC can give you. I think you might benefit from talking to a professional. Here are two links which are free to contact.
http://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help
https://nycwell.cityofnewyork.us/en/
Maybe you are doing a research project? You seem to post a lot of questions in the parent forum asking random and seemingly unrelated questions. Or are these questions a way of getting some reassurance about your own fears and doubts? You’ve had dozens and dozens of helpful responses, so go back and read your threads again.
It’s fine to ask questions, but it’s not fine to rarely respond. People make an effort to be helpful. You should make an effort to follow up.
Mental Health trumps everything else. Drop the EC that is sucking the life out of your kid. Drop the time consuming travel sport (that everyone tells you is a must for getting athletic scholarship money).
Start some relaxing family traditions. Carve out Sunday afternoons to go to the lake, play board games, swim at the pool, wAtch a movie together, visit a museum. Whatever your family values as fun. Maybe alternate letting each family member choose the activity.
Have many conversations that do not include picking a college, or focusing on grades. Kids already know the stakes are high.
Make your home Friend friendly, with lots of snacks and an inviting place to gather.
Do not verbally judge or compare your kid to other siblings or to your old self from decades ago. Love the kid you have on your couch. Find joy in watching them sing, dance, play a sport, join debate or robotics team, and let them advance in that area without comment to their ability or lack of ability. Tell them you love to watch them play, sing, debate, etc.
My eldest wrestles with anxiety and fear of failure and college was full of triggers. The FIRST thing I always ask is “are you sleeping?” She needs an unusual amount of sleep. Always has. When she doesn’t get it, her emotional state goes down the toilet. I tell her to take a nap no matter what is due. Just go get some sleep and then try to deal with it. That always makes the most dramatic difference. Most kids think they don’t need much sleep… they do.
I encouraged her to see the counselors at her private college. They were free and worked around her schedule. while not revolutionary (I wouldn’t recommend for someone needing a diagnosis or to replace any serious therapy,) very helpful. She needed someone outside her mother on the phone to ask her the rational questions. They also gave her some tools that we’d always used but again, an outside source was helpful. It peaked sophomore year and then got continually better. She graduated and is on a fellowship for the rest of the year and doing great. Hasn’t had a meltdown in about a year.
@Lindagaf. Exactly, I think your advice it spot on. I hesitate to respond to @AsadFarooqui posts. To me it is unclear if there is a genuine question for which they are seeking help/answers, attempting to simply spark conversation, using CC as a research source or trying to get us all to over expose/TMI for kicks. But lack of the participation or acknowledgement makes it difficult to respond in a meaningful way; unfortunately makes me feel like I/we are being catfished. At any rate I hope @AsadFarooqui is getting the information they need.
@labegg Thanks for pointing out the OP. I have been avoiding this OP, but fell asleep on this one and gave out info.
I thought I was the only one getting curious/suspicious.
- I am not doing this out of my own disarray. In truth, I actually want to steer the conversation away from my own personal troubles for the time being and simply want to spark some meaningful and supportive conversation amongst generations.
- Why would I catfish people over a serious topic? Why would I ever stoop to being THAT trollish? Furthermore, why would the heartfelt responses here be “just for kicks?”
For what this is worth, this is not about/for me.
MODERATOR’S NOTE: Since the OP stated that this thread is not about/for him or her, I am going to close it.