<p>Our only child our son started college three weeks ago. His first two weeks were hectic and a lot of fun. He is majoring in Environmental Engineering so his courses are no picnic. The last 2 times we spoke with our son he told us he was tired. He told us he understands the material, but it is A LOT of work.</p>
<p>What I want to know is should we ask him if he stressed? Being our only child we tend to be over protective and want to make everything OK for him.</p>
<p>On the other hand I know that now is the time for him to grow up. But geez it is so tough not being more involved. Who said umbilical cord was cut at birth??</p>
<p>With our three kids, all of whom have very different personalities, we had a lot of contact those first weeks and months. I guess I would say independence is a process, not an event. I would do what comes naturally, and rely on your son’s cues rather than some arbitrary ideas about independence.</p>
<p>Of course you should ask if he’s stressed. You might ask him if he’s depressed as well. Listen to him carefully, and ask follow-up questions (are you sleeping OK? eating OK? do you have time management issues? do you give yourself time to decompress?) </p>
<p>And as you do that, offer compassion and understanding: college life and college-level courses are a HUGE change for him (and all his peers.) </p>
<p>At my son’s school, the health clinic director told us that the #1 student health complaint – the #1 by FAR – is stress. Most schools have the staff and the resources to help overwhelmed freshmen, and even those confident-seeming upperclassmen. Your son should know that it’s no shame to ask for help if he too feels overwhelmed, and that the counselors/doctors at his school can help him find ways to cope. </p>
<p>And I love compmom’s line that “independence is a process not an event.” So true. With my son, it’s been a long process and it has a long way to go. And yes, we reminded him several times that the school health clinic is the place to go if he needs reassurance.</p>
<p>He just called while he was telling us about his chem and calculus classes I asked him if he was overwhelmed. His response was a very matter of factly NO.</p>
<p>He finally saw a counselor and she gave him some excellent advice on organizing his time and his study skills. We have been asking him to see a counselor. But I have found out real quick that what Mom and Dad is not necessarily listened to.</p>
<p>We are driving up in 10 days. Cannot wait to see him and give him a big Dad hug.</p>
<p>You folks should know that when he was 3 years old he was diagnosed with Autism. So if you know anyone that has a child on the spectrum tell them that there is hope.</p>
<p>thanks for all the advice I love this site. What would I have done without all of you?</p>
<p>Awww, gator4ever, so glad to hear your boy is getting help. As the mother of a sometimes-troubled kiddo, I understand your anxiety, and can imagine your relief (and pride.) That hug is going to feel great.</p>
<p>I think at this stage, being involved is natural although I have found that I am never the solution to the problem, nor should I be, but more so a coach to help my D figure out the solution.</p>
<p>gator4ever–the strings right to our heart are NEVER cut. Not by distance, not by time. Who was it that said being a parent is having your heart walk around outside of your body? Such true words. Raw, exposed vulnerability …</p>
<p>“Some people care too much. I think its called love.” – Winnie the Pooh</p>
<p>The diagnosis you got 15 years ago, to the place you are today? AWESOME.</p>
<p>Very impressed with you as a dad. You did good.</p>
<p>gator4ever - Big hugs are awesome!!! S2’s college encourages and facilitates study groups for the more intense courses (calc, physics, organic chem). I think this is a great way for the kids to stay organized and have someone to fall back on if they get into a bind.</p>
<p>I thought I was doing well handling my empty nest and yesterday I decided to clean the computer room. I usually don’t go near the desktop comp and while tidying up I must have pushed the magic button and up pops the physics movie my son had made during his last month of high school. I cried and laughed during the 5 minute episode and then I made my H watch it when he got home from work.</p>