What you really learn in college

Parent Cafe
1

<p>With all the angst we parents put ourselves through about the perfect college "fit", I started thinking last night about what I really took away from my college experience. Please understand that I loved college--had a great time; met and fell in love with my wife; made friendships which have endured; developed a great passion for my school's sports teams which continues until now; and, oh yes, got a great education. But, looking back, I think the biggest education I got at college came from learning how to survive on my own. I learned that I couldn't just give my laundry to my mom, and that if I didn't do it myself, I would stink. I learned that I couldn't count on my dad to failsafe my alarm clock in the morning, and if I didn't set it (and wake up to it), I'd miss class and be screwed. I learned that there was no warm cacoon a few miles away if, for example, people I knew started doing things at a party I didn't want to do--it was up to me to figure out what choices to make and make them on my own. I learned that a lot of people came from environments, cultures, religions and economic backgrounds very different from my own, and that I could learn a lot from them. I even learned that toiltries were not something which magically appeared at the sink each morning--I had to go buy them.</p>

<p>The point of all this is that there are a whole lot of environments where kids can learn these basics. This is not to say that the academic side of college is not crucial--for some intended career paths (engineering, journalism, art, etc.), the substance of what you learn will stay with you forever, and is essential to what you become, and for others (like me, who went on to law school), college academics are a steppingstone along the way to your future. However, I think we have a tendency to get overly wrapped up in the perfect "fit", or the notion that getting into a particular school (or at least a particular type of school) is the key to our childrens' happiness. </p>

<p>I'm not trying to suggest that anyone should view the process as unimportant--it's very important. What I am suggesting is that there aren't just 5 or 10 schools out there which would fit and provide terrific educations--practical, as well as academic for our individual kids. </p>

<p>We're on our first college experience, and the process has been an eye opener for me--my daughter and her friends have vastly different ideas of where they'd be comfortable, and frankly, in several cases, their feelings on the subject (and the schools they are considering) surprised me greatly. I've learned about terrific small schools I had never heard of (Earlham is one example), and learned that large schools I thought of only in terms of their sports prowess are really terrific academic institutions (USC and Penn State are examples which leap to mind). I think, though, that my daughter and her friends are set up pretty well to learn the essentials which prepare them for an independant life at whichever colleges they get into and choose to attend. And, in the end, that's what college is all about.</p>

<p>I guess 30 years later, I'm still learning from college.</p>

2

<p>I think there is huge truth in what you say. A good friend of mine said, when we began this process: "College is 95% about getting away from you [parents] and 5% about the particular academic institution chosen. It's just that parents get that %age mixed up." He was speaking only half in jest.</p>

<p><em>wishes she had flame proof garments</em></p>

3

<p>The best thing I learned in college was a sense of self. I went to one of the two "top ten" USNWR report schools that give Div. 1 athletic scholarships - was a national champion in my sport in high school, but was from an unemployed single mother home and the scholarship was more or less a necessity. I entered the school resenting the wealth and elitism of the students, but over time learned not to get bothered by things I could not control. This was not an easy thing to grasp with my then immature mindset. Fortunately, my academic qualifications were likely in the top 25% of the class, and even with the rigors of athletics (competing at the top of Division 1 athetics was far, far harder than anything I ever attempted academically), I was able to do well and graduate with honors, although I am not so sure I ever had a lot fun. More than anything, the curriculum improved my writing skills, and that has served me well. I might add that over time I saw the insecurities I had over lack of social status and wealth as actually a strength - unlike the typical student with EC's in music, drama or a casual dabbling with sports, I really knew how to intensely compete and focus and leverage my time well - in a way that few others did. Necessity is the mother of invention. Graduate school (at another "top 10" school), where I did not have athletic pressure, was a walk in the park compared to the rigors of my undergrad experience (I did really well in grad school but was often embarassed at how little work I did). I still have good feelings toward the school - but I wonder to this day if I would not have had an overall better experience (with greater major, curriculum and social choices than at the school I attended) at some of the top Big 10 public universities that were closer to my home. I thus echo the concerns of others about being caught in an elitist mindset - the most important thing is to find a subject of study that one will enjoy and do as well as possible. Put another way, at least to a considerable extent, its what you do, rather than where you merely do it, that counts.</p>

4

<p>my opinion is that at least half of what your learn at college has nothing to do with academics. As an aside...a friend of my sons dropped out (freshman) this week. I really wish he had the learning experience of working through his issues.</p>

5

<p>An awful lot of higher education students go to "commuter" schools--as I did--and don't have the live-away-from-home experience at the same time as they have the attending college experience. I think I would agree, based on my own experiences, that the major personal growth comes from leaving home, irrespective of what you do once you leave home.</p>

6

<p>I learned that it was okay to get outside my comfort zone, and that, in fact, that was where "learning happened". My horizons expanded majorly, primarily by being around students from other social classes, and that the world was my oyster (an upper crust attitude with a working class income - it has stood the test of time.). I learned that there was a lot of classical music in the world, and that I was going to listen to all of it. I also learned there were lots of great books in the world, and, later, I decided I was going to read "all" of them, too. </p>

<p>I remember almost nothing from the classroom. I was Phi Beta Kappa, and much "scholarshipped", but I only learned to write later. Oh, I guess I probably also learned that there were a lot of drugs in the world, and that I liked all of them, couldn't afford them, and gave 'em up without a second thought, for which I have my parents (with the right genes) to thank.</p>

7

<p>I learned a lot in college. Some of it was very general - how to learn, how to think, how to analyze. Much of my learning was very specific - how to use mathematical tools and apply them, principles of science, economics. I was exposed to history, philosophy, music, arts and all kinds of information, perspectives and concepts that were new and exciting. I could make some pretty big lists. Learning to adapt to college life, doing laundry, and getting up in the morning did take much effort and to me were not a big deal.</p>

<p>So what is the importance of a school's fit? My D did not want to start a weekend of parties and drinking beginning on Thursday afternoon. That is the norm at many colleges. She did not want to attend classes with students who had little interest in academics. She had enough of that in HS. She wanted to go to a school were she would be stimulated and challenged constantly - 7 days/week. Finally, she wanted to go to a school which had strong programs and opportunities in her areas of interests. That actually greatly reduced her choices. The "fit" she found was also a fit for the school. She was one of an estimated 1500 kids in the US with the skills and abilities that her school was looking for.</p>

8

<p>
[quote]
But, looking back, I think the biggest education I got at college came from learning how to survive on my own. I learned that I couldn't just give my laundry to my mom, and that if I didn't do it myself, I would stink. I learned that I couldn't count on my dad to failsafe my alarm clock in the morning, and if I didn't set it (and wake up to it), I'd miss class and be screwed. I learned that there was no warm cacoon a few miles away if, for example, people I knew started doing things at a party I didn't want to do--it was up to me to figure out what choices to make and make them on my own. I learned that a lot of people came from environments, cultures, religions and economic backgrounds very different from my own, and that I could learn a lot from them. I even learned that toiltries were not something which magically appeared at the sink each morning--I had to go buy them.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>All of these, my kids learned in their public high school (free) and in summer camps (expensive but not as much as college). S has not brought his laundry home once, even though it's within walking distance.</p>

<p>I agree with edad. My S sounds a lot like his D.</p>

9

<p>Ditto for edad. But mam1959, I have to take a little exception to your comment, </p>

<p>"unlike the typical student with EC's in music, drama or a casual dabbling with sports, I really knew how to intensely compete and focus and leverage my time well."</p>

<p>My kids have been heavily involved with multiple musical instruments and ensembles (by-audition regional youth orchestras), and the commitment they have shown to lessons and practive for 2 instruments is intense. They have competed at regional and state levels, and certainly have had to hone their time management skills in order to perform academically at the same time. I think kids involved in any EC that requires a lot of time, and that includes drama etc, can be extremely competitive. In fact, musicians are often heavily represented at elite colleges.</p>

10

<p>..that you can handle things on your own is certainly one of the most valuable lessons our kids learn from the college experience, although college is not required to learn those lessons. Just living on your own will do it.</p>

<p>What does make it challenging for some of these kids, especially the really committed students, is that they are coming of age and learning to take care of themselves at the same time they are trying to find their place and do their best in the academic environment. For some, it's too much, and they may drop out - maybe just for a while, or maybe permanently. As parents, we are concerned that they find a school that will be supportive as well as challenging, and that they will find kindred spirits in the school they attend.</p>

<p>If our kids are looking at schools 3000 miles away, we do want to feel that they are in an environment that gives them a good chance of stretching and growing, but at the same time offers a safety net or two if/when things get rough. I don't know any kid who goes through 4 years of college without a few rough spots. I think parents are thinking these kinds of thoughts when talking about fit, not just academic fit.</p>

<p>I just heard from my D on the other coast. She passed out this afternoon during her history midterm - woke up to find paramedics wheeling her into an ambulance and taking her to the general hospital where she spent four hours being monitored - she must have been "out" for a while. Apparently she had low blood sugar and a fever - they didn't find anything else. She's back in her dorm now, resting. She'll have to rely on the friends and support she has at the college to handle whatever she may be dealing with health-wise, as well as whatever she needs to do to finish her exams, get notes from another class missed, etc. She sounded a bit down - mostly unhappy that she may be getting sick and will have to alter her routine and miss things, and unsettled because of the ordeal. </p>

<p>Although this was not a fun experience, she's handling it, and having done so, will gain confidence that she can take care of herself (with a little help from her friends.) At times like this, I am very grateful that the college has such a great support network through their deans and residential system, and I'm confident she'll be able to work through her difficulties.
I guess my point in this post is that yes, our kids don't need a perfect fit to learn many of life's lessons coming of age, but a supportive environment and people you feel comfortable with can certainly ease the way.</p>

11

<p>A.S.A.P.</p>

<p>I am so sorry to hear of the trials your daughter has gone through today! It is tricky to get really sick in college. Glad she has some friends she can count on!</p>

<p>Agree with you all about the life-skills we have to learn at one point or another. And agreed that confidence (or the lack thereof) has a great deal to do with success or struggle early in the game!</p>

12

<p>Thanks, momofthree! </p>

<p>Wish I could make her some chicken soup...:(</p>

13

<p>ASAP:</p>

<p>I'm so sorry to hear this. I think chicken soup would have just been the ticket. I hope she eats right.</p>

14

<p>Regarding learning and "fit"--here is what I learned at the first school I attended:</p>

<p>That a beer wagon (sponsored by the college) parked in the fire lane behind the frats is a normal orientation activity.</p>

<p>That it's not fun to be the only one in class who'll admit to being interested in the subject.</p>

<p>That, in the same vein, it's galling to have your prof tell your advisor that he wishes you'd speak up more--when you're already the only one speaking.</p>

<p>That suitcase schools get lonely on the weekends.</p>

<p>That being challenged by your classmates as well as your instructors is really important.</p>

<p>Life skills? My mom was a widow, working hard to bring up three kids by herself. I already did laundry, grocery shopping, housecleaning, etc, and knew how to get myself up in the morning. I didn't need to pay for those lessons.</p>

<p>What I learned when I transfered:</p>

<p>That it's unbelievably exciting to be in a roomful of students who care about literature as much as you do.</p>

<p>That it's also challenging to realize that many know a lot more than youdo, and that this spurs you to work harder than ever before, trying to catch up.</p>

<p>That it's worth taking out big loans to make this possible.</p>

<p>That I can learn from my mistakes, and be pro-active about making a change when something is not right.</p>

<p>Oh, and that Big Ten Football games are Big fun!</p>

15

<p>Everything I learned in college I learned in graduate school.</p>

16

<p>One exception to the above: as an undergrad I learned not to wash my scarlet gym shirt with my whites. I wasn't especially fond of the resulting pink underwear. And, in the same vein I learned not to pour liquid bleach directly on my clothes.</p>

17

<p>I agree with tsdad....and some of the previous posters. In undergrad, I learned a lot about myself, people, and how to live independently. Sure, I learned content in my classes, but I learned a lot in extracurriculars in college as well. I was extremely active in undergrad. I think the difference between ECs in college and in HS is that you aren't just looking to build a resume. You are doing things you truly enjoy. I had a lot of leadership opportunities that taught me about planning, organization, problem solving, working with a variety of people, and motivation. I would say a good deal of my education came from these experiences. I also leearned about laundry, how to be sick away from home, what to do when your money runs out that month, etc. </p>

<p>I agree with tsdad because I feel like I learned a lot more academically in grad school. Maybe it was because of the intensity of the courses. However, I suspect it's because I'd figured out how to be independent and take care of myself by that time so my main focus was getting the most out of each class.</p>

18

<p>What you really learn in college:</p>

<p>Physics: Everything is relative, F=MA, and you can't push a string (inside physics joke).</p>

<p>Economics: As supply goes down, prices go up, but it doesn't matter anyway because you can never charge more than your competitor.</p>

<p>Math: Everything you thought was solid "truth" (e.g., 1+1=2) is actually based on assumptions that can change, and when they do change (e.g., non-Euclidean geometries) all bets are off.</p>

<p>English: The trick with symbolism is to invent your own, but have the background/talent to convince other people that you believe it and they should too.</p>

<p>Biology: If you can actually remember all that taxonomy a week after the test, you REALLY belong in Med School.</p>

<p>Sociology: Filter everything an instructor says about a subject through the dogma of his political beliefs.</p>

<p>Statistics: No matter how random the data, someone has invented a curve that can be applied for analyzing the results. If not, a new one can be invented, a paper can be written, and a career made ("The application of log-normal, chi-squared, skewed-epsilon-function curves to computer-generated random number distributions")</p>

<p>And in general: Grades don't matter as much as they did in HS. Have fun with life. Grow. Learn. Invent yourself.</p>

19

<p>Digmedia:</p>

<p>Great to see you back in form! I love the summary.</p>

20

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