<p>After months (years) of obsession about the college admissions process now that my daughter has a few acceptances under her belt, the pressure is off a bit in terms of where will she go.</p>
<p>As she heads into the second semester of her senior year, I keep thinking about how much life will change in our family when she goes off to college and I have been contemplating(read: panicking) that we haven't done enough to prepare her for the road ahead. I have been thinking about all the things we could or should be doing to help prepare her for the next stage in her life as a college student. </p>
<p>For all those parents of children currently at college or beyond, looking back, what would have been the one thing you wished you would have done to help better prepare your child eg; money management, time management, friends, relationships, what to study, how to respect themselves and other, drinking/drugs, grades. anything at all from the big to the small that you'd do differently.</p>
<p>S1 is currently a junior at a Big 10 University about 700 miles from home. I gave him one or two lessons on doing laundry, but that was about it. He was always frugal - so I knew money management wouldn’t be an issue. He has had to resolve many problems on his own and I am truly amazed at how much he has matured since leaving for school. S2, who will be a college freshman next year, is a whole different story. He doesn’t have great time management skills and misplaces things all time - I just found his missing car keys in his jeans - yes, I still do his laundry. The bottom line is that our kids are very adaptable and will learn these new skills by necessity - it’s either sink or swim. Hopefully, they will all swim.</p>
<p>Not a parent, but things I wish I had told my just starting out college-self. </p>
<p>1) Be kind to your roommate, and understand that their situation, upbringing, personality, likes/dislikes, and beliefs may be different from yours, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get along. Be open minded and learn from each other. </p>
<p>2) This is the one time in your life when you can do things (barring crimes, and getting kicked out of school) with very little consequences. For just about everything, you can always laugh it off as “Well, it was just college” and other people will laugh with you. So take risks, be bold, and just a little bit crazy.</p>
<p>A lot depends on the individual kid but if you have an “I can do it myself” child like I do, don’t forget to maybe overemphasize the importance of seeking help and, meeting their professors in office hours early in the semester.</p>
<p>Yes, that one, historymom! Absolutely.
Many of the kids whose parents post on these threads have never had to ask for academic help from anyone. In fact, being the kid who “gets it” is part of their identities. This can be an impediment.</p>
<p>I second what historymom has said, ESPECIALLY for the overachieving types like the ones who end up tutoring other students in HS. When the shoe is on the other foot, they don’t often react quickly enough.</p>
<p>There are some basic life skills things in finance that I will address shortly with my S, and I’m happy to say that he brought up the subject (checking account and filing taxes.) It’s not like he couldn’t figure these things out but since he’s asked, I can give him the quick tour. Unfortunately, while a jr in HS he was subject to a street robbery of his cash, iPod and cell phone, so he’s already keen to police procedures (no physical harm to him or his friend, thankfully and two of the perps were apprehended.)</p>
<p>PS THIRD what was said. Mafool posted ahead of me.</p>
<p>Work with the academic advisor and be SURE any incompletes are made up and turned into the appropriate grade or the “I” and be turned into an “F,” and be with you forever (see below). [S was fortunate he only had to pay an appeal fee to change his I into a grade, long after the class had ended.]</p>
<p>Make SURE the paperwork is done correctly and turned in or you will have endless hassles that can have FEE$$$$$ attached.</p>
<p>Register for your all classes LONG before the deadline.</p>
<p>Be sure that you do a VERY accurate inventory of your lodging and photograph ANY damage (no matter how small) as you will likely be charged for it, especially these days as colleges are looking for $$$$.</p>
<p>Take some courses & ECs that stretch you and are FUN!</p>
<p>Oh yea, NEVER leave your wallet & phone on a gym bench unattended–it won’t be there when you get back & you will learn more than you ever wanted to about police reports, credit bureaus and the like!</p>
<p>Thanks Gadad… some of those actually brought tears to my eyes. But… I am thinking MOST of that advice is well taken student to student, but I don’t think I will encourage S to blow off studying to hit up a concert. On the other hand, I would be disappointed if he had the chance and didn’t take it. And actually… my advice would be to not get behind just because there aren’t weekly quizzes or other checkpoints. You never know what will come up and just be too good to pass up. Better to only miss out on reading the latest chapter than the last four or five.</p>
<p>DD is a graduating senior applying to grad school so some of this is what I actually did tell her but some is from conversations we’ve had about other kids</p>
<p>~Know yourself and schedule your classes for your strongest part of the day. If you’re not a morning person, don’t schedule early morning classes.</p>
<p>~Always go to class…even if you went out the night before, go to class. DD said she always found it amazing the number of people who didn’t go to class then complained loudly about their grades or the unfairness of the prof.</p>
<p>~Meet as many different kinds of people on campus and try any on campus activity or group that grabs your interest. That’s what college is for…exploring and meeting new people. Open your mind and get to know people who are very different from you and from different places.</p>
<p>~Remember to call or text mom…and not always just because you need something or when you’re bummed out. If you’re bummed out and you call, make sure to call again when you’re happy so that mom doesn’t worry from 500 miles away.</p>
<p>~Take care of yourself. Eat right and exercise. Sometimes you have to make taking care of yourself your top priority, above all else.</p>
<p>~Take a few classes along the way “just for fun” or because it’s something you just really enjoy. Never again will you have such an easy opportunity to be able to do this.</p>
<p>~Believe in yourself and don’t always expect perfection.</p>
<p>These were exactly the types of things I needed to hear. I tend to be a little uptight when I get anxious about things. Reading these have helped me calm down a little and hopefully be able to enjoy the coming months with my daughter. (and I can always return to this thread if I need a little reminder of what is important)</p>
<p>Smithie-thanks for sharing the a student’s perspective.</p>
<p>Re #9 I had seen that when it was posted previously, but now that we know where my d will be next year, it’s more “real” and I can visualize her actually doing some of these things. Thanks for the reminder, gadad!!!</p>
<p>My favorite from Ben Jones’ MIT blog was #45 “Explore the campus thoroughly. Don’t get caught.” One of my fondest college memories is exploring someone else’s campus thoroughly as we explored the steam tunnels at Yale.</p>
<p>Taking classes “just for fun” is also something that I think is well worth reminding people to do. My absolute best class was “Chinese Landscape Painting of the Sung Dynasty”. Had nothing to do with my studies, but every time I go to the Far East collection at art museums, I remember all the stuff I learned in that class.</p>
<p>Teach them what to do in extreme emergencies when they can’t reach you for help. </p>
<p>Examples: if they are arrested while with a group of other people; if they are deprived of their money while travelling; broken down car/driving in blizzard/ not sure where she is (call 911 on her cellphone and have them get a policeman to talk her through to a recognizable location or landmark). </p>
<p>How to be helpful to others in distress: witnessing and remaining to report an accident; calling 911 or campus security for a friend; buddy-walk friends home; deliver a roommate’s messages attentively.</p>
<p>Who will be the go-to people on campus now that parents aren’t there each evening. Examples: Resident Advisor; Security; Dean of Students; Health Clinic/birth control; clergy if that’s relevant to your family.</p>
<p>I think the big adjustment is they are on the scene and will know it better than you. When they phone you up with a big problem, instead of solving it, ask “who’s there to help you solve it there?”</p>
<p>Oh Cayman! I am remembering that one!! LOVE IT.</p>
<p>we have to rules: If you’re arrested, say nothing and call an attorney (even if you sincerely want to cooperate, they are to ALWAYS have an attorney present). And second… Never ever ever drink and drive OR get into a car with someone who is drinking and driving.</p>
<p>With twins now in sophomore year, I would second just about all of the advice of prior posters-especially cayman and Modadunn. Especially the part of not getting into a car with anyone you think has been drinking or otherwise. </p>
<p>Learn the state/local rules and laws: e.g. Minor in Possession law-a suitemate of DS received a MIP last semester for driving a friend back to campus who was intoxicated. While the rules are not always clear-parents and students need to learn as much in advance as possible and like Paying3Tuitions, HAVE A PLAN for emergencies.</p>
<p>Encourage kids to take the academic pace more slowly first semester and do not wait for mid-term to seek help with tutoring. Really read and comprehend rules about Pass/Fail and drop-add- a poor grade first semester can make GPA woes much worse, IMO.</p>
<p>If roommate conflicts arise, encourage-coach D/S to work through it on their own-but understand there are limits to what students can sometimes worked out -know the "go-to " person at your S/D’s school if issues cannot be resolved.</p>
<p>Finally, try to find opportunities to enjoy family rituals, go to dinner, walk through the mall-whatever works in your home that provides everyone with chance to talk. In the rush of graduation, dorm preparation, etc. family time can get lost and IMO, those are the opportunities to help you and your D/S make an easier transition.</p>