I don’t think I ever said this. I’m not into magic pills.
I don’t mean this to be hostile, but based on your own words you may be comfortable being a “misfit.” That is not true for everyone.
that was unfair of me. sorry.
@CHD2013 You may not have meant to be hostile, but your postings most certainly appeared as such to me, by accusing me of making straw man arguments, being selective in my definitions and insinuating my motives, when I was just interested in having an intellectual conversation, without picking on anybody personally based on their opinions. So I am going to stop engaging in further conversations with you. Good bye.
See this is what I am unable to wrap my head around. The concept that there exists a “Right college for a kid”. And that is my biggest concern with “fit”. I suspect this might be cultural.
Doesn’t seem though it matters whether there is one right college for a kid or a number of right colleges. But would you agree that some colleges make more sense for some kids than other colleges?
@VeryLuckyParent there is a college that is better for you than your other college options, which means it is “the right one.” It may not be perfect, but it is the best “fit” based on your options, meaning it is affordable and will prepare you for the future, along with other criteria that make it the right college for you out of your options.
I think for most kids there will be multiple colleges that “fit”. But also multiple colleges that don’t. My oldest is very social – I think she would have been pretty unhappy at a commuter school, for example. Kid #2 likes really smart people around her, the smarter the better as far as she is concerned. She could deal with a school with a smaller population of super smart people, but would not be as happy. Lots of kids would be miserable at her school given the intensity, too. Why apply to schools with features that you know would make you unhappy? And if none of that stuff matters, then why shouldn’t every kid just go to the closest in-state university?
Really? I find that hard to believe.
So then how do you choose?
@saillakeerie When I was a younger, I had odd notions of what made more sense for me. Some of them I acted on with poor results. Some I acted on with good results. Some I could not act on and looking back, I am eternally grateful for not having the choice to act on some of my notions. Sometimes you need to go with the flow.
Please view the link I posted in #34 and tell me what you think. There is research to show that “Choice” is often not as good as we make it out to be. It is extremely counter intuitive and goes against every grain of what we consider sacred, but “choosing the right fit” I think is an illusion.
Respectfully, I do not think anyone is saying that “fit” = “poor choices”.
Ok, so not to get overly philosophical here, but this is indeed an important question. “What is choice” and do you really choose? and what is it that you are choosing? etc etc.
Again please listen to the link posted in #34 for an interesting take on “Choice”. I found it extremely enlightening.
Fit involves choosing and more choice is not always good for you. Did my kids get robbed of something valuable because they could not choose which high school to attend based on fit and had to instead attend one based on which school we got zoned to? See the link on #34.
I think you might be right about the cultural element.
But I also know my own POV about the importance of fit was strongly affected by my own experiences as a mom and an educator. I raised two very different kids—both equally bright and equally well-meaning, but very, very different in temperament and approach to learning and life in general. I’ve seen that what works for one kid may not for another. I guess my definition of “fit” basically means identifying “what works” for the individual student. And it’s not all about academics. This is where our kids are going to live for the next four years of their lives and where they’re going to make friends that are could well last a lifetime. So there are social and even aesthetic factors that may come to bear on the decision as well.
For some, the best choice might be a challenging or even cut-throat competitive environment, but others would do better with a more nurturing, cooperative approach to learning. Similarly, some students prefer a college with strong core curriculum (like UChicago) while others want more freedom of choice (ala Amherst). Some kids feel more connected to a university with strong “school spirit,” while others see that kind of thing as extraneous and distracting.
I can see the benefits and drawbacks of each depending on the individual. That’s what “fit” means to me.
Fit is very important, however I do think that some kids are more adaptable than others. My daughter could not attend a school with an intense, competitive atmosphere. It would have destroyed her and was a risk I was not willing to take. She wanted challenging academics in an environment that also provided balance. The school she attends meets that criteria and to her, it is a “fit” school. Is it the only fit school? No- I am sure that many would have met her criteria.
Most parents that I know do not allow their child to transfer at the first sign of unhappiness. Most recommend finishing out the year, or at least the semester. Most parents make suggestions such as adding/dropping classes, joining clubs, changing roommates, going to counseling, etc. It is only when these suggestions have been exhausted and the student is still unhappy, that the idea of transferring becomes a reality. I would never tell a student faced with this situation to “make it work.” When I was in college I had a close friend who was very unhappy with our gigantic school. She fell into a depression and slept all day, missing all of her classes. Once she transferred to a small school that felt right to her, her entire personality changed and she became healthy again.
My own daughter visited four schools having less than 5,000 students. After each visit she turned to us and stated, “This is a very nice school but it is not for me. I am way too loud for this campus.” Should I have just told her to “make it work?”
@VeryLuckyParent I hope you are blessed with a child who is highly adaptable and who does not have a history of anxiety, perfectionism, etc. I am not sure if you have gone through this process yet, but it is only when you have the “pleasure” of receiving upsetting phone calls (putting it mildly) from a new freshman that you realize just how important fit really is. It is at that point when you, as a parent, wonder if you did your research and helped your child pick the right school. Luckily, most have done their research - and those unsettling phone calls dwindle and eventually disappear.
There can be many “right colleges” for a given student. But there can also be “wrong colleges” for a given student, based on such obvious “fit” deficiencies like lack of the desired academic programs, too expensive, student not able to be admitted to the college or the desired academic program, etc…
Obviously, a stronger student from a wealthy family with a big college fund for him/her, and who is interested in studying things that are commonly offered and is not too picky otherwise will likely find a larger range of “right colleges” than a weaker student from a wealthy family which will not contribute anything, and who is interested in studying an uncommon major or one which is highly competitive and is otherwise picky about non-academic/cost factors.
Uh Oh! You just triggered me :)) I must retreat into my safe space to deal with those two words. :((
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. 
You can choose from phantom fears or kindness that can kill …
OPs earlier posts show that getting into a “super selective college” was the driving criterion in his child’s college search. Child has been admitted to Chicago. Chicago is obviously a fine school, but it definitely is not for everyone. And I will encourage my own children to disregard selectivity and rankings as meaningful criteria when they start their college research.