I have no experience but hear from news about some horror stories where kids die of alcohol overdose. It seems hazing is a major concern.
do you advise your son to stay away from it?
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Do your research but I wouldn’t be so worried about it nowadays. It was kind of the wild west when I was in school but National barely tolerates anything now and will impose harsh penalties for violations. I wouldn’t trade the connections and friendships I made for anything.
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I live in Chapel Hill (home of UNC). I am also an alum. I am not a fan of Frats or Sororities. They are the worst for following the rules during COVID. There was also a big drug bust recently that involved fraternities at UNC, Duke, App State, and suppliers in California recently. https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2020/12/18/unc-duke-fraternity-drug-ring/ Greek life is not really that big of a thing at UNC, either. It’s there if you want to join, but the vast majority of students are not involved.
I am glad my kids are not interested in the Greek scene. You can make friends and connections without joining a Frat. Live in the dorm and you’ll meet plenty of people. If my kids were interested I would do my research and steer them toward service fraternities like APO.
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Well, my kids have zero interest in any school that has Greek life. I’m happy about that. My kids cannot understand how their cousins whom they love are in various frats. They don’t get it and neither do I. Their cousins love being in a Frat.
It’s one way to narrow down the list of schools.
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Overall, I’m not a big fan. I went back to my alma mater recently and saw that the Greek system there was basically as racially segregated as it ever was. There used to be a not-nice nickname for the Jewish fraternity on campus and it’s apparently still the case. Disappointing.
I know that’s not the case in every house on every campus, but too often it sure seems that way. In some universities, it’s not only the easiest way to make friends, it’s close to the only way to be able to have any sort of nightlife. I get that and I can understand why students want to join. And I know there are places where greek life is very welcoming.
I think you need to do your research by house and by location.
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There are many many fraternities and sororities where great stuff is happening…community service, alum connections for internships and jobs, etc.
I don’t think you can paint the same picture of greek life across the board.
My daughter went to a college where less than 5% were Greek. But all events the fraternities and sororities held were open to all students on campus. My kid went to many…and also helped with some of their service projects.
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Before my oldest son joined one, I had a very black and white view of fraternities: that they were all terrible. Now that he’s graduated from college, I can say my view is that they are in a gray area. There actually ARE good things about being in a fraternity as well as terrible things. I think going through pledgeship is one of the terrible things, but I understand that’s different at different schools, so it depends. My eyes were opened by the “Mom’s Weekends” the fraternity had, where they invited their moms and planned a whole weekend with them. It allowed me to see my son in his habitat – with him having responsibility for the whole weekend. I kind of had him frozen in time, the way he was as a senior in high school before he went to college. These weekends allowed me to see the changed, grown up him. I’m probably not explaining myself well, but I treasure those memories!
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They are a factor in the perpetuation of rape culture.
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Neither H or I or either of our kids is/was in a sorority or fraternity. Just not our thing. My niece was in one and loved it and she is still good friends with almost all of her sorority pledge class. My D’s best friend was in one and thought it was fun, but she said it got kind of old towards the end of college and I think she’s still only close friends with just one of her sorority sisters. Her older sister was in the same sorority and enjoyed it but kind of felt the same way and isn’t super close to any of her sorority sisters. I think she only sees them when she goes back to football games.
My other niece was in one as well and liked it. Her parents let her join only if she promised to keep her grades up. She had had a track record of letting her social life get in the way of studying…
I know plenty of people whose parents made them pay for Greek Life , since it is an extra cost.
Greek life is a commitment and can affect grades. It also costs more and can be expensive. If you kid has trouble with time management, you would need to make sure he can fit in Greek Life with studying. Also, who will pay the dues? These are all things to consider.
Greek life can be fun but it’s not essential for a fun college experience. There are other ways to make friends and get involved on campus and have a fun time in college. Do you know anyone who has been in a sorority or fraternity who can answer any questions you may have?
Exactly, it really varies by school and even by house. My nephew was in a frat at a small liberal arts school and had a blast. He is the last guy you’d think would be in Greek LIfe, but at his school the Greek system is small and really laid back
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thanks for pointing this out. Based on this, it will be a no for our kid. We are minority.
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I was in a sorority and liked Greek life, but I wasn’t super involved. My 24 year old chose not to pledge a sorority, not her thing. My 22 pledges a social and business fraternity, he’s a pretty social guy and at his college, guys needed to be in a frat or a sport to go to parties. His business fraternity hazed him the most, but also had connections which got him a great internship senior year and his current position, a blessing in our covid world. My 19 year old is in a sorority (no real hazing, just the usual interviews/memorization/errands… She’s a joiner and very social. I don’t know about my 18 year old daughter, but I know that at the colleges my 18 year old son is looking at, you really need to be in a frat or sport for nightlife. The guys I know at the same universities my kids went to ended up coming home most weekends. My kids rarely came home.
ETA, my kids paid their own dues and formal tickets. It’s 100% their choice, they are adults, I can only offer advice.
It totally varies by school, by house, and by student, even sometimes by year. Do research.
We were not in greek life but I did want to be. The school I went to was VERY greek and it was hard to find almost anyone who wasn’t in the greek system. I had a moderately negative view of it. First my son wanted to be in a fraternity, then as he got older he didn’t. Within a month of starting college he found his tribe of friends were all in a particular fraternity (one that does not do pledge periods). He joined and ended up being the President of the fraternity whose house won best chapter in the country. It was a great experience for him. He grew and met some very influential mentors through it. His gf is in a sorority and has had good experiences. This is not a school with a crazy system though. Even my son said he would not join his fraternity at a lot of other schools throughout the country after talking to their presidents at a national training event.
It can be a very positive experience and it can be a very negative one. So the answer is it depends. Oh and he ended up with top grades and is in veterinary school so it didn’t hurt his GPA or his gf’s either! Their chapter had a great GPA average with a big chapter!
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my oldest was in a fraternity. he’s a rule follower, and sees no shades of gray, he’s not a boy-magnet nor a friend-magnet. He thought it would provide instant brotherhood and friends. But no, he really couldn’t recommend his younger brother to join one after four years and college graduation. There were still many cliques in his fraternity that he did not feel part of, just like in high school.
fast forward several years, and his freshman brother is in one now. He adores it. He loves his brothers. It’s been an amazing life saver this year in covid in college out of state. He’s made connections with these boys when the dorms were on lock down; he had an automatic group that was very hard to make any where else when he’s taking all classes from his dorm room. He’s so thankful that he was able to join. He’s a very amiable kid, and this was a huge blessing.
so - two different thoughts for you - it so depends on your kids and what they want out of it. I will say there are business fraternities and engineering fraternities and such that arent part of the typical greek system. My friend’s daughter is in a female engineering sorority. . . no house on campus, but the group does things together and has been a great influence on her.
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As with everything, painting an entire population with a broad brush is bound to be convenient but inaccurate.
35 years later, some of my best friends are fraternity brothers. We have visited several in our travels to various places around the world. One is a well known University Professor at a top college who has been helpful in the college search process.
I’m pretty sure none of them are leading a “rape culture”.
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There are lots of fraternities, and virtually none of them are good. For decades, they’ve been a fertile breeding ground for parties, underage drinking, drugs, or worse. Now they’re becoming more and more racially and politically segregated. Schools are notorious for looking the other way. I promise, there’s better ways to make friends, and better friends to keep than a fraternity.
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Hard to paint fraternities with a broad brush. I think it depends on the school and the frat. A lot of them are service fraternities. S20 rushed but didn’t join at GT this year. Interesting experience but not for him. Competing for the highest GPA is a thing among some of the GT fraternities. Lol.
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For every person who says Greek Life is fantastic, another will say it’s terrible, and vice versa. There is no definitive answer. It might totally depend on the college and the individual fraternity.
There are definite advantages and disadvantages: they can provide excellent networking connections, lifelong friends, plenty of great activities, moral support, etc… They can also be very expensive, some people will engage in illegal behavior, brothers can get too distracted from studying, etc…
Your child should do research. There are plenty of websites devoted to rating fraternities. My son was totally set on joining a frat. So I did some research myself and said that there were some we would refuse to pay for. We told him that he would not be allowed to join any unofficial frats that had been kicked off campus for any reason.
At his college, freshman are technically NOT allowed to joint frats, but that didn’t stop them from actively trying to recruit my son for sophomore year. In the end, it was a moot point. Along came COVID and as a result, he lost all interest in joining a frat for this academic year. No huge parties and no fun group activities for the frats, at least at his college, which has been pretty strict. He’s now glad he’s in an off campus apartment with friends.
I know plenty of people who didn’t want their kids to join a frat, but they have all said that it has been great for their child. I think it is a positive experience for most people, which is evidenced by the fact that they remain so popular.
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I think it is a positive experience for most people, which is evidenced by the fact that they remain so popular.
What is the evidence that they remain so popular? I haven’t done a deep dive on it, but from the cursory reading I have done online (US News, NY Times) I think they are actually decreasing in popularity.
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There are still plenty of them. Many. And sororities too. I don’t see them going the way of the dinosaur just yet, haha.
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