Not much. I don’t know who are her direct advisers yet. Maybe I should ask dd. I learned of her dorm parents name when I dropped her off though.
But I wouldn’t have hesitated to talk weekly if I had a concern.
We probably talked to the advisor 2x a year – usually at the beginning of the year to talk about how the year was starting out and again during course planning. Once in a while, I might raise a concern (along the “could you please reiterate the value of consultations” line), but my contact was minimal. We did, of course, get detailed narratives with each grade report from each teacher and the advisor, so it wasn’t total radio silence, but it didn’t feel like I was supposed to be particularly involved.
In fact, I always felt that the school’s goal was to disintermediate parents so that the kids could really own their education. It’s hard, I think, given that most BS parents have a strong interest in their kids’ education (and are paying a lot for it), but getting parents out of the day to day really does seem to be an integral part of the process.
My kids took over in middle school, they are the kind who like independence and worship academic integrity. Many of my Asian friends make assignments and projects for their high school children and did flash cards for SAT vocabulary but I don’t see those kids having any advantage over my self propelled offspring.
I’m sure that by age 10 my kids would get annoyed at me for reminding them to do homework, and I only did it because I felt it was my job! I never helped unless asked, which was very rare. I’m not a big believer in homework, so I would sometimes encourage the kids not to do the work if they were too busy with something else (sleep is much more important than homework, IMO), but they generally scoffed at me. However…many children need more structure and support (i.e., making a specific time for homework, watching them do it at the kitchen table). I don’t think pleading and bribes need to or ought to come into play. If they won’t do their homework, they will face consequences at school and, at age 10, they will probably feel those consequences keenly and try to avoid them henceforth.
Thanks all. Very eye opening posts. I wish I can convince my wife for Boarding School. She hates the idea but as I started boarding school at the age of 14, I believe my kids will gain a lot by being independent in high school. Appreciate all responses.
I have not spoken with my kids advisor all. Is this something I am missing? I will see him parents weekend. I’d just assumed that would be the time to talk with him.
@ArdenNJ Have you visited a boarding school with your wife? She might understand it more if she can see it in action first hand.
@queenmother I know it varies from school to school but here’s how my kid’s school did advisor contact. For new students, the advisor would be in touch a week or two in, just to let you know how your child was adjusting. Other than that, contact was usually mid-term and end of term with an advisor report and grades and teacher comments. At Family Weekend, there would be a sit down face-to-face with the advisor. If there were issues or something noteworthy, of course contact would be made outside that schedule. Some advisors are a little more hands on than others so a few might contact more frequently. Of course, you can reach out to them at any time with concerns or questions. Our school’s policy was that school employees should generally respond within 24 hours to a parent’s inquiry. I hope that helps give you an idea how things work at one school.
Hi @doschicos
What a great idea. I guess as the time comes, I might change her mind about BS’s by visiting a few of them.
@ArdenNJ , If you are curious, George School has an open house on Oct 23. It’s not too far from you, and you could check it out very easily . We went with DS when he was in sixth grade because we were starting to think about moving out of the public system, and this wasn’t as involved as scheduling a tour, etc. It actually made DS feel a little more motivated about middle school, and while that wasn’t the intention of the visit, we happily embraced it! (It also made him want to board!) Every school has its own feel, but it’d be a good way for your family to see that there really are types at BS and that they all seem to be thriving. I know there are always a lot of students, parents, and faculty around to chat with and ask questions so you can get plenty of different perspectives.
Great idea to visit George School! OP, it is likely very different from your wife’s negative preconceptions of boarding schools.
@doschicos My conversations with the advisor are sometimes via email and text, but generally it is a weekly update. My DS doesn’t always know about the conversations. I actually had a long conversation with the advisor before we ever arrived to drop him off, which gave me a great level of comfort. Generally the conversation is brief. I have always been one to push my children to have a certain sense of independence but I still realize they are growing. I’m in the background to assist if they ask or we see them heading down the the wrong path.
In conversations with DS I have found that he’s been honest about his adjustment. In one case his foreign language teacher suggested he move up one level, he declined so that he might balance out his workload. In another case he realized he needed to put more time into another class so he figured out how to take better advantage of a free period. I’m thrilled at seeing the maturity coming out in him. He’s the one that wanted this challenge and is completely embracing it.
With both kids we have been hands off with homework from almost the beginning, including AppleKId2 who has severe ADHD and other challenges and attends a school for different learners. The school insists that the teachers need to know each day what the kid is able to accomplish independently. This resonated with us and we let go with both kids. We are lucky that the kids have been good with doing their work mostly on time, and we also never had battles about going to sports practices. Where we have had to use “persuasive measures” is in regards to other habits like cleaning up their things and the biggie–screen time. That issue makes me want to pull my hair out some times.
In 9th grade DS house counselor was his academic advisor, so we had some contact with him (he was new too). DS was doing well, so we had limited contact about academic or social concerns. He is in 12th grade now and we have yet to meet his academic advisor (same one 10-12th grade). We have had contact each year and met his house counselors/dorm parents. They are the ones who write up periodic reports.