http://jezebel.com/when-i-tried-to-talk-to-my-prep-school-about-rape-cultu-1725635150
I’m a unsure as to how to feel about this. Thoughts, anyone?
Are you going to Exeter @natakwali ?
Did you see the response from Exeter at the bottom?
It is a very serious allegations to publish a statement that the school is “disguising the prevalence and acceptance of sexual assault.”
This girl is a ninny. God help the college that gets saddled with her.
- She argued that the school is not strict enough in preventing consented sensual or sexual relationship between its students. Come on. They are teenagers. My impression is that the school is still far more strict than average high schools in the U.S.
- She argued, rather accused that the school is "disguising the prevalence and acceptance of sexual assault." I kept looking if she was providing any remotely reasonable bases for this indeed serious allegations, either that there is rape culture, or that the school is trying to hide it. In her writing, I can't find any, other than that the students grinds each other during dances and the school is not serious enough about it. Perhaps prohibiting grinding wasn't enough and the school should have expelled some students. Am I missing something here?
To me, I don’t understand how the two things are related. How is trying to prevent inappropriate sexuality encouraging inappropriate sexuality?
I had hard time too. But my eventual understanding is that the school’s treatment of the issue was too light for the author’s taste. That felt like disguising some serious problem in the school. Perhaps grinding during dancing is precursor of rape. She also argues that school is encouraging inappropriate sexuality by making condoms available, which I think is view of some conservative people. Or that availability of condoms proves that how often sexually tainted the students are. Who can really understand how that thought process works?
It takes only a few words to coax public. But it takes pages of counter argument and supporting documents to revert it. By the time the counter argument is ready, it is too late. I think a Nazi leader said something like that. I can see how the counselor felt about her publishing of the issue.
As well they should be; they have the students 24/7 and are acting in loco parentis during the night and weekend hours.
I am concerned about what is referred to as a “hook-up culture” that is frequently referenced in reviews of many of the boarding schools. When I first heard about this, I thought it was referring to kids french kissing and getting to 2nd base. But, after the Owen Labrie case, I am a little more concerned about the in loco parentis that may be less than ideal. And I think that this so-called “hook-up culture” is a code word for sexual encounters meant for 70’s style key parties.
Yes, she is something of a ninny. Her premise - that the policy on grinding should be opposed because it doesn’t go far enough in addressing “rape culture” - is just plain silly and her actions are not the kind that will lead to the change she wants. But. She is a teenage girl. Our culture (and probably all others) holds certain dangers for females. Boarding schools, as @skieurope pointed out, are acting in loco parentis, and are thus supposed to maintain a level of safety as close to that of a very safe home as is possible. Boarding school parents should not take the attitude that “teens will be teens” or automatically have more sympathy for the boy in a sexual assault case (as the dean did at Exeter - the one bit of this article that seemed very real).
Ummm, no. The definition of a hookup culture to an adolescent at a boarding school is the same as it is to an adult.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hookup_culture
If there are swinging sex parties happening at a boarding school (which would be similar to a key party) I’ve never seen them. Hookups imply that the encounter is casual and can range from kissing through intercourse.
Do some boarding school students have sex? Yes, of course they do. But I doubt that the percentage is any less different than for those students attending the local schools under the watchful eyes of the parent. Do the vast majority of BS students believe that sexual assault is OK? No. There are exceptions, as there will be outside of the boarding school environment.
@GMTplus7
I’m a current Exeter student, and I have always respected your presence in this community. However, your comment “This girl is a ninny. God help the college that gets saddled with her” was rude and uncalled for, especially considering that you’re basing that opinion on one quote from the article that lacks context. I know the author of this piece. She is many things, but a ninny is not one of them. She has always contributed positively to discussion on the Exeter campus regarding issues of gender inequality and privilege.
To be clear, I do not entirely agree with her opinion of the Exeter administration. I feel that her personal negative experiences may have biased her judgement of administrative decisions, but nonetheless, her opinions are worth reading and pondering.
@skieurope - That is my point. “Hookup culture” should be different for adolescents. They are not adults and applying the same level of responsibility to them is not appropriate.
I have never met an adult who did not regret engaging in sexual activity as an adolescent. Conversely, I never met an adult who regretted not losing their virginity on a one-night stand as a drunken hook-up or wished they were more sexually promiscuous and free loving as an adolescent.
Kids need to be reminded that sometimes parents and adults can offer good advice and we are not simply trying to quash good times.
A larger issue that this essay brings to my mind is how boarding schools will address the issue of sex with incoming students over the next few weeks. Will they be silent or handle the issue however they have done so in the past? Or will the St. Paul’s incident prompt them to find ways to discuss sex in different, more productive ways than they have in the past? As the father of a boy who will begin boarding school as a 9th grader next week, I hope the latter course of action will be taken by the school he is attending.
@GryffinHunter I am going to Andover next year, but I tend to believe that there are a lot of parallels that can be drawn between the cultures of Andover and Exeter (though of course they are different). So, in my mind, trouble for Exeter might mean trouble for Andover.
I also tend to believe that when someone says rape culture is an issue, it is an issue, but the writer of the article could have used some more evidence and analysis…I did see Exeter’s response, but in light of the St. Paul’s issue, I am worried, for myself and other Andover students, but also for Exter and St. Paul’s students, however irrationally.
“On that September afternoon, the Dean expressed his sympathy for Labrie, who, in his eyes, was a student-athlete with a promising future, successful by all conventional prep school standards (varsity athlete, campus and residential dorm leader, Ivy-bound). He seemed like a “good kid,” the Dean said, just “allegedly” accused of rape.
The Dean’s main concern was, he admitted, personal; he confessed the profile of Labrie, to a considerable extent, matched those of his soccer or hockey boys at Exeter—boys with girlfriends whom they treated well, as far as he was concerned. This was enough for him, a powerful administrative leader, to effectively annul or at least dismiss Labrie’s charge of rape.”
^^^^That quote hit home for me. While you may not agree with all of her views in her article, this is more important than what she had to say about “grinding”, and I find it a little disappointing that people brought up her statement about the “grinding” and her being a “ninny”.
“Now how am I going to get all my prep girls?” a senior seated near me complained, using cruder language, as he laughed to his friends. How disconcerting is it that a dorm proctor of 40 boys on our campus harbors that unacceptable mindset?”
^^^This is what should be discussed here!!!
I love Exeter. It is my dream school and every day I feel honored to be able to attend that school. But, like every school, Exeter isn’t perfect, and because the student body loves Exeter so much, we feel the need to bring up topics that get brushed under the rug, to make our school a better place than what it already is.
“worried” may be a little over-reacting. Be aware there are jerks around you, but know that by all means they are a tiny minority although it only takes one of them to act out to cause great damage to individuals involved and to the school community. Learn to identify those toxic people quickly and stay away from them. You will be safe. And if you see any opportunities for change to the school, of course you should feel free to bring them up to the school authority.
Why should the definition of hookups be different to an adult than to an adolescent? I think both groups have a pretty good grasp on the definition.
I’m not seeing how that is your point. The definition of a “hookup culture” is pretty straightforward, and I listed in my earlier post. That definition is accepted, AFAIK, by both teens and parents alike. Now, whether a “hookup culture” is appropriate for 15 y/o’s or 18 y/o’s or [insert age here], that is a different conversation.
I’m certainly not singling you out, and I don’t know if any studies have been done, but I find it hard to believe that the teens of today are tuning out adults with any greater frequency than they did a generation ago. As apocryphally attributed to Mark Twain, but has certainly been around for 70+ years:
This is why this young lady is a ninny: She writes…
"For example, in my all-girls dorm of 40 ninth through twelfth-graders, fellow senior residential leaders and I asked about bringing up sexual assault at the beginning-of-the-year dorm meeting, but were discouraged, as “not to scare younger girls about something that probably wouldn’t even happen.”
and…
"A friend in another girls’ dorm revealed that her seniors had gotten in trouble with their faculty for bringing up sex talks to their underclassmen… "
You think?
@GMTplus7 was actually kind considering what this mindless pseudo feminist brain trust was trying to do on a BS campus.
If this young lady ( Excuse me: Senior Residential Leader ) tried to have a “sex talk” with my 14 year old daughter and tried to speak to her about “rape culture”, "sexual assault " , or "privilege ", Exeter would’ve heard from my attorney.
@natakwali - Jezebel? Really? Truth be told this was a perfect piece for Jezebel and this ninny played right into their hands: This was nothing more than an beautiful opportunity to embarrass an elite school like Exeter and showcase a ridiculous piece written by a recent grad. Awesome for them ( Hey- why not? It furthers Jezebel’s agenda- right?) but for the Exeter community… not so much.
You’d think ( as a recent Exeter grad) this young lady would’ve been capable of writing a better- more thoughtful piece or at least mature enough to exercise better judgement … How embarrassing.
Rape Culture is a very real issue. I support young women and men who look to define what that means in their environment. Keep asking questions and making yourself feel heard. It’s important work that has a lot of obstacles both institutional and social. That said, I am sure you will have a great time at school, and enjoy the meaningful connections you make with students and adults. Be positive, be fierce, do the hard work that you believe in.