Why not? 
We spent significant time sipping drinks in the charming town pub in Wallingford wishing we were in Bora Bora.
The old boarding school tradition of Lessons and Carols really is great. I wasn’t able to see my oldest walk in the procession or do a reading, but I heard about it.
Acknowledging yes, “kids are different, with different needs,” MOST 13 - 17+ adolescents need more support than maybe they let on. As I said, looking back, time is short. Be as involved as you can be, you won’t regret it, and they will remember how much you wanted them to be okay, and smart and healthy and happy.
I don’t necessarily regret sending my kids away for a better opportunity, but there’s something to be said for not missing out on time you can never get back.
@Altras we live across country from DSs school. He’s a freshman/III former. We went to move-in (and brought little sister, since his leaving affected her, too). I went to fall parents weekend while DH stayed home with DD so she wouldn’t miss school. We then took a long weekend at the beginning of the year when DD wouldn’t have to miss school and saw one of his hockey games…since it was a long weekend for him, too, he got to hang out with us all weekend. And I plan on going up for move-out in June. I actthink he’d like us to be able to visit more, but he completely understands why we can’t. As far as dorm parents go, the only contact I’ve had is when I emailed to see if they’d deliver an Easter basket to his door for Easter. And the only phone call to his advisor was one from DH, who picked the wrong David from his contact list and made the call in error…lol.
Because he’s so far away…I plan on making it to at least the same occasions as we did this year, regardless of whether he needs us to…next year’s move-in will be just me, however, to keep from pulling DD from school. I’ve found he looks forward to our visits as much as we do.
I think I understand what you’re asking, and I think the answer depends on the school. BUT I would definitely do the move-in – you can always run out to the store for anything that might be needed, it’ll be good for YOU to know where your child is and who the roommate is, and to be a part of that part of the transition 'ritual". There are often events for incoming parents which may include anything from information on how to handle things at school (who to contact, etc.), meetings with advisors and/or dorm parents, etc. And at some point, there will probably be the “this is it” announcement, when you are told it’s time to say good-bye. And they mean it! Your child will be quickly swept up into some activity that leaves no room in their head for you while you return to the hotel/airport in tears with no sort of distraction at all.
I would also strongly encourage committing to attend parents weekend in the fall. If your child is missing you, it provides a realistic timeframe for them to work with until they see you (although chances are good, they’ll be over that homesickness by then.) Our school made sure that in addition to games, events, information sessions on various topics, there was a schedule for meeting teachers, advisors, coaches, etc. If anything HAS come up at the beginning, it’s a great chance to make that personal connection to address it. And if everything is going swimmingly, well, it’s just a chance to see who your kids are spending their classroom time with. It can also be a chance to chat with other parents – you’ll probably quickly recognize a few as kindred souls – and the informal exchange of info with them can also sometimes fill in some of the blanks on what’s going on with the kids. (The ones that folks here on CC are not filling in for you!)
You’ll also have a chance to go out to dinner, perhaps do some shopping together (whether snacks, winter boots, something for the dorm) and just connect again with your kid. At that point, you can get a read on whether you feel any need to come back again during the year. Of course, if your kid gets a part in play or is playing on a team, sure, you can go watch. But you’ll probably have a sense by then of when you HAVE to be there, when your kid wants you there, and how best to support them.
Freshman drop off would be good if one parent can be there. You’ll see the school again, meet roommate, house parent, do any last minute runs once you see the room, etc. There are usually programs for parents. Parents weekend the first fall is good for one parent if possible. Most first years have a parent there - afterwards some do, some don’t. The other important one if possible is whatever your child’s school does for college counseling. S’s school used to have a separate weekend in January for 11th grade parents but then they combined it with parents weekend in the fall of 11th.
We were about an hour away so easy to come and go. We met all the house counselors over the years and most teachers, but never his academic advisor. Grandparents are local too so they went to every grandparents day. But lots of kids don’t have grandparents come to that.
Find out specifics for your child’s school. At S school parents weekend was short time in classrooms but no conferences unless specifically arranged ahead of time. But others here talk about conferences.
You can also mine for good information on this subject by searching the thread posted at the top: “Helicopter parents buying a house near boarding school”. I am unable to copy link from my current device - but you should search that thread because there are helpful and historic comments including answers to your question regarding frequency of parent visits to boarding school.
Personally, I found when my nephews’ hockey bags walked by themselves it was time for a visit and a cleaning raid on the dorm room. X_X
I always signed up for parent teacher conferences if I was coming for parent weekend and found them highly valuable. My D would come along too. We also always met with her advisor (she had same one for 4 years). Her advisor would send an informative letter once or twice a year and we communicated by phone or email on rare occasions.
Lodgings often get booked up fast for parent weekends, so any time you plan to go, book your lodging asap.
We were cross country as well. We did the drop off freshman year only and senior year he drove himself back across the U.S. so no pickup required. My wife and I visited twice a year, once in the Fall and once in the Spring. And then I did a father-son visit every February (highly recommend this). Our son has always been low maintenance and would have been fine if we’d visited less. Truthfully, the trips themselves were fun for us. That sweet SoCal weather is hard to beat. We loved taking him and his buddies and/or girlfriend out to dinner. You learn a lot just by listening to all their ribbing and chatter.
And yes, book lodging WAY in advance. Also, we did have a formal meeting with his adviser every Fall visit.
I find my need to visit is greater than their need to see me… =((
^^This!!! Still the case!
WARNING: Enter a boy’s dorm room at your own peril! Touch a boy’s unwashed athletic apparel and risk nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, hair loss, shortness (or loss) of breath and, possibly, shingles.
I believe most of the cost of room and board goes to fumigation and neutralizing the flammable, corrosive, and toxic waste created by boarding school boys. My husband holds the rope tied around my waist when I have to enter our son’s room to clean it after a visit. And that’s AFTER he gives me a hug and proudly tells me he’s cleaned up so I don’t have to. 
@ChoatieMom does not lie or exaggerate. We were horrified with DSs room and apparently he’s one of the cleanest every inspection! I hate to even imagine the roommates he has that stayed hidden during our brief visit there!!! 8-X :bz :o3 3:-O
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And why should that take a back seat? As parents our job is to make sure our kids are thriving and doing well. I used to say to my kids all the time when they were younger “You’re 10 now…and my job is to make sure you get safely to 11…or you’re 12, and my job…”
We still have parental responsibility to make sure our kids turn out to be good human beings and responsibility for their safety. You read about all the BS sexual abuse scandal and you want to make sure as parents something like that never happens again. (that of course is the extreme, but it makes the point).
Additionally from working professionally with a lot of high school and college students, many developmentally do not feel confident to know when to ask for help, and won’t. It’s much better for parents to do frequent check-ins. You often uncover that student is not doing well and was afraid to tell anyone including their parents.
Back to the first point, we love our kids and we still need them. Nothing wrong with wanting to see them, we’re already sacrificing time with them to give them what we hope are greater opportunities.
Yes, second and third @ChoatieMom and @buuzn03. Supposedly they have “dorm clean” once a week, but the standard must be abysmally low, and the room aroma a combination of soccer/hockey/lacrosse gear and Febreze (I have supplied more Febreze than toothpaste this year). My first stop on campus is always the athletic center, where I can use a pristine ladies room (cleanest place at an all-boys’ school), and I no longer go into the dorm at all. When DS is home on breaks, it takes a week or two of doing his laundry to get the cloying air freshener smell out of his clothes.
We toured one girls school where the laundry is FREE! Great idea - as they said it encourages the students to do laundry more frequently and they have no excuses. When my sister would visit her boys at school, she would bring fresh laundry bags and introduce them to the machines “Meet Mr Clorox and Mrs Tide, your new best friends”. 
In summary: ALWAYS go to the school when you can, but NEVER enter their room unless you absolutely must! Got it.
Choate’s washing machine and dryers are now free for the DIY crowd. There is still the laundry/dry cleaning service for those who dont want to do their own laundry.
Have to admit: one school got crossed off my son’s list after a visit in part because even he was disgusted by the dorm. We saw the entryway, common room and a double suite. They weren’t just messy - they were downright filthy and smelled like something had died in there. After I commented on the state of the room, the tour guide cheerfully informed us this was kept clean(er) as it was a tour room (!).
More than one thing most likely.
Shepherding us around was awkward for Chimneykid on our first parents weekend, even though she loved her school and presumably loves us. CC parents helped us realize we were not alone in this. There are parents on the island!! Chimneykid2.0 doesn’t seem as perplexed by our biannual visits, and I feel she also needs to see us a little more often than her big sister required as Chimneykid2 is more likely to keep worries to herself and not reach out to us or staff.
We went/go to move ins and outs (just 1 parent after the first year), fall and spring parents weekends/ teacher conferences, college counselling sessions (which were provided on line as well for those who couldn’t travel) and a few special events each year like a play or a hockey game. I think prize day was my favorite because, duh, prizes! It was so wonderful to see the teachers notice and appreciate all the hard work the students had accomplished over the course of the year. (Students who are receiving a prize at NMH have a letter sent home alerting parents that an award is to be presented to your child and inviting you to attend or send an acknowledgement of some kind to your kiddo. These letters are kept secret from students. So you may have a few unplanned “visits.” for stuff like this.
As a former BS kid, I can say from personal experience that it really does matter if your parents are in the audience or at the game when it is possible. But for the many kids for whom this is not possible, they all manage to come home with at least half of their stuff, and as they are all in this together, friends do a wonderful job of shoring each other up. We tried to tip the scales where we could by including an international kid or two when we sent Easter baskets or went out for brunch. Once they get to college, your BS kids will need you almost never so enjoy the ride while it lasts!