<p>I do agree that parents with means should, all things being equal, help with college but I do think there are dynamics involved beyond "can we afford it" that go into that equation of what parents agree to pay for. And I agree regarding notice. We talked with the kids for years about those dynamics that we cared about, and so there was no risk that they would be blind-sided senior year had their choices been different along the way. (And I'm talking about academic effort not lifestyle choices.) </p>
<p>We're paying for undergrad, but I don't feel a moral obligation to pay for graduate or professional school. I know I'm necessarily influenced by what my parents did for me, but I steadfastly maintain that it was a good thing for me to pay for law school. There's no question that it was motivating to know that my performance in my first year of law school would have a direct correlation on my ability to repay my loans. I did well and within a couple of years was making six figures. </p>
<p>With the luxury of making six figures as a 20something, I think having the loans helped me be fiscally conservative from the outset. I paid them off in three years, saved to buy a house, and I haven't carried credit card debt in 10 years. Certainly, there's a good chance that I would have developed good fiscal habits without a debt burden, but who knows? And why should my parents have been asked to absorb that, despite their upper middle class income, when avoiding that debt means earlier and more secure retirement for them both. In our case, we may well make different choices now that we have college paid for and behind us that we may not be able to make if we were also paying for graduate school. </p>
<p>As for the kids, while their college is paid for, they know their GPAs in college will impact where they go to grad or professional and how they'll pay for it, and I think it motivates them to do better. And we'll certainly help along the way--we've bought cars, we'll handle unexpected events and needs. But, I think they've got a pretty good deal all around.</p>
<p>One caveat: if the kids were interested in nonprofit work or some other low-earning occupation and were in a position of ruling that out b/c they couldn't service a large debt burden, I would feel differently about contributing to grad school. However, the kids are interested in professions for which they will be highly compensated and, if motivated to do well in grad school, will easily service the debt they take on.</p>
<p>We told the kids that we'd pay for the best school that they could get into. Easy for us to say because we have the money. The idea of blowing it on a Lexus and having them go somewhere not as challenging seems just plain selfish to me. Can't fathom it.</p>
<p>I know of a community college student who transferred to Cornell (and no, she wasn't in NY state). I also know of a community college honors program that boasts that it has grads who were accepted at Harvard, Yale, Columbia, Stanford, etc.</p>
<p>Yeah but then they only get 2 years of the Harvard/Yale/Columbia/Cornell experience instead of 4. Bummer. </p>
<p>And I think a better statement coming from futurenystudent would be "Parents who HAVE THE MEANS (without mitigating factors) and aren't willing to support their kids through college shouldn't have kids"</p>
<p>"Certainly, there's a good chance that I would have developed good fiscal habits without a debt burden, but who knows?"</p>
<p>I think parents may be able to judge their child's propensities and evaluate how much motivation the child will need to stay on the straight and narrow. I am an Olympic-level skinflint without having had a debt burden. But I was always like that; at age six, I was way more interested in watching quarters pile up in my bank than in spending them. If you have a cheapo child like me, you can probably predict that they'll become a cheapo adult, loans or no loans.</p>
<p>In fact, now that I think about it, if I'd had to take out loans, I might never have gone to law school at all. Owing money and paying interest bothers me that much.</p>
<p>I think you were very fortunate that you have parents who supported you and guided you (not just financially). I'm saying that if you don't have the money to pay for your children's college that is ok as long as you have always shown love and support to your children. Kids know the choices their parents make. They know whether the parents have made selfish choices or choices out of necessity. My parents choices were out of selfishness and this is unacceptable to me for my children. I don't have an unlimited amount of $ so I can only do what I can do, but I will not be buying new cars and homes while telling them that we don't have the money for college.</p>
<p>What do you all think of the approach my BIL and SIL took - kids can go to college, they (apparently) co-signed loans, paid for books, and cars. Period. Neither parent went to college at all, and I think this figures into their priorities.</p>
<p>My thinking is that the $ for cars, which the kids did NOT need, could have been better spent on reducing those loans. But who beside a parent will counsel a kid on priorities, and how to negotiate w/parents for a different allocation?</p>
<p>Is their child going to a commuter college and living at home? If so, that might be the only way to get to school. If they are living on campus, you are right that a car is not only not necessary, but could be d-mn inconvenient.</p>
<p>What do I think about that? I think that you can't expect kids to make wiser decisions than their parents do. Millions of Americans have their financial priorities out of whack. They're not going to suddenly "see the light" when college time rolls around.</p>
<p>I don't know that I have read every single response but so many seem so black and white. When i think of the question can me and H afford to pay the EFC for a private school, I'm not sure what "can" means for us. There are so many if's; like if we do not retire until we are 65, like if we do not need a new roof within 10 years, if we could go back and make different investments, if the market gets better in the next 48 months, if we are willing to take work that is demoralizing, if our next child doesnt need as much, or more help. I also struggle with the issue of just because we "can" pay 50k, does that mean we should? I have seen many public vs private debates on this fourm and I'm still not sure it's worth it to me. What's wrong with a good enough public? My husband, on the other hand thinks it's worth it. He also thinks it's worh it to drive a BMW; I don't. ( He has also been paying school loans for an ivy leage education for almost twenty years. I went to an HBCU; we both ended up the exactly same place, but I had lttle debt). So, can he be right about the value of a fancy education for his d and wrong about the value of a fancy car for himself? I , on the other hand, abhor uneccesary debt for either, especially if it means doing work that doesn't feel right. I've worked a long time to be able to make that choice for myself, and to develop the values that go with it. Well, we have 6 months to figure it out...</p>
<p>"Medical schools never differentiate between undergraduate colleges, as all are the same. "</p>
<p>So are you hoping your lack of personal ability will be compensated by a name university? </p>
<p>Your post is whinny drivel, son, grow a set and realize if you can't do the work it doesn't matter where you go. If you really can do the work, where you go doesn't matter that much. </p>
<p>Let me clairify as I end up defending a position I didn't do myself. I don't think it is any body's business what a parent does or doesn't do for their kids. It's between them, their choices, their reasons.</p>
<p>My point is simply if your folks aren't going to help, rather than whine about how unfair life is and neener neener neener .... figure out what you're going to do and more importantly HOW you are going to get there. Rather than put down community college as beneath you, look into it, if that's the way your going to make it, so be it... to sit in your diaper and whine doesn't get you anywhere and certainly doesn't impress anybody who had to figure it out for themselves (scholarships, jobs, GI bills, loans) to get it done. Just get it done.</p>
<p>My view is that debt for a young person limits life chances. It is therefore my hope that my dd will graduate college debt free. She has to pitch in for her incidentals and she did contribute by being such a strong student in high school that she got into a school that is giving her excellent financial aid (part merit, mostly need based). She also made this possible by not choosing a school that gapped significantly and would have required large loans.</p>
<p>I say graduating debt free is my hope because we have been able to cover the efc for her first year of college without any loans for her or us. If circumstances make that impossible in future years, she will have to borrow some, hopefully not much.</p>
<p>But this is the deal for 4 years of undergrad. After that, we can't commit to help with funding her education.</p>
<p>
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Is their child going to a commuter college and living at home?
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</p>
<p>No, both kids went to different State U's. Either kid could have easily been accepted to Flagship; neither went. One is well employed after returning for a 2nd degree in accounting, the other is unemployed with business degrees obtained in between sports events, parties, etc.</p>
<p>Needless to say, they loved their cars, and it was convenient for the parents - they never had to fetch/return kids to school. I wish I'd butted in a bit more, frankly, during the planning process. I just never imagined that their parents would provide what I'd consider an extravagance over the basic college bill.</p>
<p>Another beloved nephew has sizable debt already because mom let him go out of state vrs. making the hard decision to attend a less appealing but less costly in state option. He's borrowing it all.</p>
<p>At what point to aunts/uncles butt in and provide some advice?</p>
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At what point to aunts/uncles butt in and provide some advice?
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<p>Under these circumstances, I would say "never" unless asked.</p>
<p>I am one of the few CCers who believes that debt is not evil, and can help you achieve what you want out of life. While my parents paid for my state u undegrad, I paid for grad school with student loans, my H and I have purchased more than 10 cars over the years with loans, and have owned 4 homes with sizable mortgages. We feel neither "burdened" by our loans nor that our debt "limited our life chances," whatever that means. In fact, loans/debt was exactly what allowed us to achieve what we wanted in terms of education, home ownership and lifestyle. Determine what is most important to you in your life, then consider using debt to achieve it if you must. Debt can be a smart way to finance your future as long as you are willing to manage it properly.</p>