When you kids doesn't like any schools $$ starts to matter or is it just me?

Parent Cafe
1

Our 3rd child the statistically (smartest) is starting to irk me! When a child shows little interest my pocket book gets tighter fast she is only a incoming junior. The typical average very average smart kid not exceptionally smart (trying to get my terms right).

3.81UW gpa (all DC graduates with a AA degree)
30 ACT as sophomore
120 Hospital volunteer hours
120 Autistic center volunteer hours
CPR/AED certified
1 month living in Haiti volunteering
A few clubs but nothing earth shattering

Those hours are increasing that was at the end of last year she has doctor dreams (or so she thinks). So, we reluctantly said lets see and did a Medical Immersion program.

She left being very unimpressed. In my head “I’m like really” you dissected a sheep’s heart, used a ultrasound, practiced simple sutures, heard 16 doctors in various specialties, toured a cath lab, MD anderson, etc etc etc etc etc.

She has visited Wake Forest, Rice, Pitt, Texas A&M, Trinity, UTA, Baylor, Tulane, over the last year (not all for her we have friends etc) she was not impressed with any of them. Liked Rice the best, but even then “I wouldn’t want to go there it costs so much I doubt it is worth it.”

While I enjoy her “cost awareness” if she isn’t impressed with anything I wonder what will impress her and then I get to the point where I’m just tired. She isn’t excited about any school anywhere. Just whats the endgame…be in medicine or be a doctor etc “Well, you will go to the state public or whoever gives you the best aid then.”

I feel like what is the point. If you don’t care I don’t care you can go wherever gives you aid or the state public and good luck. The whole process of finding the perfect school she literally could care less. Has seen enough schools that you would think one of them would “Wow her”, but she always finds a negative…her nature I suppose.

Just frustrating…vent off!!

2

She’s just a rising junior? I wouldn’t worry about anything yet. She doesn’t need to have her list of schools for another year. I think you are way ahead of the game with all those schools you have visited. Maybe you have pushed a little too early? We didn’t look at any schools with my older daughter until spring of junior year. I have a son who is the same age as your daughter and I haven’t even begun to talk to him about potential schools yet.

3

If you are a Texas resident, then she may have the right idea of going to a low cost Texas undergraduate school, then to a Texas public medical school or Baylor medical school (where being in a Texas undergraduate school will make getting to medical school interviews easier) which would be low cost for Texas residents, eventually leading to relatively low debt at medical school graduation.

But junior year is not really the time to worry about colleges, other than getting some of the standardized testing done (trying for the NM threshold on the PSAT, trying the SAT and ACT late in junior year, taking any possibly needed SAT subject tests at the end of junior year for courses being completed). She could change her mind about colleges, majors, etc. between now and senior year.

4

Maybe your daughter needs a little bit more time before she shows an interest?

Is she telling you right now that she would be ok staying in-state due to cost?

5

@twogirls,

I probably could have just posted that “daughter has been to x amount of colleges likes none of them” that is my frustration.

She visited so many because she has a older sister senior and tagged along for 3 of them. Others her best friend was a senior and she tagged along to a few we only toured Rice and Wake by choice.

She has no interest anywhere always finds negatives that is my frustration. In my brain I think I wish I could have gone here etc etc or so many kids wish and you find fault with ALL OF THEM.

6

I hear your frustration. Do you think it would be beneficial to stop the college talk for now, give her a break, and come back to it again in 5-6 months?

7

@twogirls

I just had to vent and yes psat coming up not that I care much she would need a miracle to hit nmsf status. 198 last year. Would have to guess like a pro to hit the Texas cutoff.

Thx for listening who knows what the next 10 months of school will hold.

8

Give her some time.

My younger daughter was also very slow to decide. Some of your description sounds familiar (such as the seeming to be unimpressed after each of multiple visits). After taking what seemed like forever, she picked an academically excellent university that is a great match for her, in a beautiful location, near friendly relatives, and which also happens to be very reasonably priced.

It is likely your daughter will get there too, but not for a while.

9

What does she want to talk about? I’ve found that being more engaged with what interests my DD helps her be more engaged with me. I also agree she just may need a break from focusing on college. She can be successful and happy no matter where she goes to school and sometimes we all need a reminder about that.

10

Hey, I think it’s great that she is being practical about it and not looking for dream school, thinking about her goal rather than the moment.

Maybe she thinks that most schools are pretty similar as far as classes, dorms, cafeterias, etc are concerned.

I would tell her that she can look at the most affordable options a little closer when the offers are in, to see if she prefers a program over others.

Pitt gets a significant amount of NIH research money, there are several hospitals near campus.

But I can also see the wisdom of attending an instate TX school for pre-med and med school, especially if she would be auto-admit.

11

@Dad of two girls, thanks
@mommdc there is wisdom in staying instate
@Counselmom, yes Im a firm believer its the student that makes the school not the school that makes the student, but I would like to see excitement.

Thx guys/gals :slight_smile:

12

She is just a rising junior. Let this college talk go for now.

Also, if she didn’t like the medical immersion program, maybe she doesn’t want to go into medicine…which is fine too!

13

My guess is that this child is a genius at pushing your buttons. (Mine definitely know which buttons to push to make me crazy). I’d say to drop all college talk until the spring semester of her junior year. She’s probably not ready yet and is perhaps intimidated/scared she won’t get in.

She sounds very mature in her approach to her schoolwork and activities, so I would do my best to stop mentioning college and let it ride for the next several months.

Good luck - and remember that most all kids drive their parents crazy at some point when they are growing up!

14

You have to be willing to accept her choice of ‘Not’ Rice, Wake, UT. Let her lead the way.

15

You can major in anything and go to med school. She doesn’t need to decide about that for at least 5 years. And if she likes medical stuff there are PA, nursing, and EMT paths for after college too. All of this can wait.

16

I agree with letting the college talk wait until the spring. A lot can change with kids in 6-9 months. But I do empathize with your frustration. It’s hard to see our kids be negative about things, especially when they have been given great opportunities. Is she negative and bored with other things in her life too, besides college choices and the medical program? Negative thinking, lack of interest etc.might indicate some trouble with her mood. I’m guessing she will have a different attitude next summer and maybe her practical side will turn out to be a good thing.

17

I’ll make you feel better, I have a rising senior…he and I have toured 7 schools so far and one has garnered a NO. The rest are “nice” and I drug a “best campus” vote out of him kicking and screaming, lol, well not quite, but close. He has yet to research any schools. I think he is dreaming of MIT and I hope that is the yard stick by which he plans to measure…please, measure anything!!! But I got frustrated at the last one and told him, my measure is money. If he doesn’t figure out why he wants a place, I will decide based on low cost. We are touring 6 schools in about a week, including MIT…so he better come prepared to talk about them after that. He will be my captive audience from Boston to Troy to Rochester to Cleveland and then back to Tennessee…a total of about 18 hours in the car…it may be a LONG ride.

18

My daughter was pretty darn non-committal about her college preferences also all the way until 2 weeks before the May deadline for acceptance. She didn’t help at all in putting together a list of colleges to visit or apply to- I did that, and she didn’t have any schools that WOWed her during her visits. I think some kids just don’t really know how to assess colleges and don’t know what they should be looking for. I think it’s sort of like a person selecting where they want to work by just touring the building - you can’t possibly know what kind of co-workers you will have to work with every day or how challenging or enjoyable the job will be until you’re there for a while. It didn’t help that she didn’t/still doesn’t know what she wants to study - that would have narrowed things down a bit. She is a high average student with no spectacular achievements so she had no lofty aspirations of attending a very selective college. She leaves for her freshman year in less than a month and still seems to me to be kind of lost and apprehensive. She definitely wants to go to college (and definitely doesn’t want to commute), but she just has no idea what to expect. Her only input was no schools in the south and no conservative or religious schools - she attended a Catholic high school and had had enough of that environment. She also didn’t want to go to a very large school, but I think she would have enjoyed a lot of things that a large school would have offered - but that was off the table for her. I don’t know why she didn’t want to go to a large school - she could never verbalize that to me. So she’s off to a small private LAC - she chose it mainly because it was the highest ranked school that she was accepted to and with FA, it was as affordable as our state public schools. Her choice didn’t have anything to do with how beautiful the campus was (it is), what majors are offered, the location, anything about the student body, the dorms, available student activities, etc. I was just as frustrated as the OP about her indecision, but like I said, I just don’t think she knew how to make one. So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she will be happy there. I think I’ve given the impression that she is a shy withdrawn mouse of a girl, but she is the complete opposite - very outgoing and vivacious - so I never expected this process to be so hard for her.

19

@hannuhylu

An approach that worked well for our kids was asking them to rank the schools relatively, but not rule any out. If they didn’t like it, they could put it at the bottom.

With the state ad admissions, I wanted them to express preferences, not absolutes.

20

My older son thought all colleges were pretty much the same and just wanted one with a good CS program. It wasn’t really until he got accepted that he took a really close look at the ones he got in and decided where to go.

It’s a little harder with pre-med (or just vaguely sciency -medical) since you can major in anything and most schools will provide a fine foundation. The general wisdom is that if pre-med is likely you should save your money on undergrad and it doesn’t hurt to perhaps go to a school where you are likely to be at the top of the heap.