<p>Hello? Anyone Home?</p>
<p>It has gotten awful quiet in here the last few days. </p>
<p>Let's tell some jokes.</p>
<p>Why does a squirrel swim on his back?</p>
<p>to keep his nuts dry.</p>
<p>LOL! need some humor. I think the Plebes and Mids are feeling the crunch of the last 2 weeks of the trimester, and thus the parents are stressing too and not talking.</p>
<p>Ok..next joke..........</p>
<p>A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. </p>
<p>"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?" </p>
<p>"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied. </p>
<p>"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?" </p>
<p>"Throw out another anchor, sir." </p>
<p>"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain. </p>
<p>"Throw out another anchor, sir." </p>
<p>"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?" </p>
<p>"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."</p>
<p>A KP 3rd classman, a Plebe, and Ragin are off campus together for a run. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I can only grant three wishes, so I can give each of you just one."
"Me first!" says the Plebe. "I want to be in Hawaii, away from KP, eating pineapple and not a care in the world." Poof! He's gone.
"Me next!" says the 3rd classman. "I want to be in Puerto Rico, relaxing on the beach with my sea project finished, and an endless supply of T-bone steaks." Poof! He's gone too.
"You're next," the Genie says to Ragin. Ragin cracks a nasty smile and says, "I want those two idiots back at KP and turning-to, right after lunch."</p>
<p>Saw this on a sign this morning...</p>
<p>Never mix alcohol and calculus</p>
<p>Don’t drink and derive</p>
<p>don't drink and derive.... that's too funny!</p>
<p>Our oldest son was at USMAPS during 9/11/01. Below is an "associated press" dispatch sent after the anthrax scare that followed upon the heels of the attacks, when everyone in the country was in a heightened state of anxiety. Laughed my head off when I read it the first time back then.</p>
<p>Annapolis (AP) October 30, 2001 --
The United States Naval Academy's early morning football practice was delayed on Tuesday for nearly two hours. One of the players, while on his way on to the practice field, noticed a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance on the field. The coach immediately suspended practice while the Maryland Bureau of Investigation and the FBI were called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when FBI Special Agents decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.</p>
<p>If anyone saw the Navy-Pitt game on Wednesday night, that last joke has lost its punch line. Even though USNA's administration was boneheaded enough to not give my mid an appointment (much to his benefit in retrospect), I'll always pull for our Navy boys over almost any other D-1 school.</p>
<p>Q: y do sailors wear
there underwear backwards
when crossing the
date line ?</p>
<p>A:they dont</p>
<p>i know, dumb
and sorry</p>
<p>Oh please, it's a joke, people. It's a sad day when we cannot laugh at ourselves. Are we so into rooting for one school over another that we cannot laugh at a fun story, regardless of the school? Tell you what, change it to whomever you wish and it is still funny. Here, try this version:</p>
<p>West Point (AP) October 30, 2001 --
The United States Military Academy's early morning football practice was delayed on Tuesday for nearly two hours. One of the players, while on his way on to the practice field, noticed a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance on the field. The coach immediately suspended practice while the New York Bureau of Investigation and the FBI were called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when FBI Special Agents decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.</p>
<p>Hope that makes it better for those with naval sensitivities.</p>
<p>Actually it is a funny joke. On a second reading of my post I realized it may have come across more strident than I intended. I was just so excited about the game. Mea culpa.</p>
<p>Did you hear the one about the terrible fire at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy Library ????....</p>
<p>Ohhhh, It was AWFUL....
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All 5 books burned...
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And 2 of them hadn't even been colored in yet !!!!
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(Ohhhh the hu-MAN-ity!)
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.</p>
<h2>.</h2>
<p>Adapted from an NCSU joke from UNC fans.</p>
<p>(And if you DON'T know about UNC-vs-NCSU, then USMMA-vs-USCGA is a good start to understanding it).</p>
<p>Pertty much , my plebe is like many others....
Things don't look very bright right now.
So, I'm just avoiding things as much as possible.</p>
<p>The following is an actual question given on a James Madison University chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :</p>
<p>Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? </p>
<p>Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:</p>
<p>First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving . I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.</p>
<p>This gives two possibilities:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.</p></li>
<li><p>If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during
my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with
you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."</p>
<p>THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".</p>
<p>Nothing like a smart answer. With that in mind, here's something funny a friend sent to me this past week.</p>
<p>These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.</p>
<p>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.</p>
<hr>
<p>ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.</p>
<hr>
<p>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?</p>
<hr>
<p>ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!</p>
<hr>
<p>ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.</p>
<hr>
<p>ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?</p>
<hr>
<p>ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.</p>
<hr>
<p>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?</p>
<hr>
<p>ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.</p>
<hr>
<p>ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.</p>
<hr>
<p>ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!</p>
<hr>
<p>ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?</p>
<hr>
<p>And the best for last:</p>
<hr>
<p>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.</p>
<p>I knew there should be some reason to look forward to jury duty.</p>
<p>OK Mrs Tweedy:
I'll watch the CG jokes.
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Besides, it takes all the fun out of them to tell them twice AND explain them.
(rimshot)
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.</p>
<p>Than Kew verra mouch!
I'll be here all week.
Be sure to tip your wait-person. ;)
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(I have GOT to give up caffeine late at night. Sorry everyone...I can't stop me)</p>
<p>hey zonker I just tried to send you a pm and it wouldn't go through. It said you have met your pm quota and must delete some. Do some housecleaning. LOL</p>
<p>You guys are funny! My son who was having a horrific time in both calc and physics has now upgraded to simply terrible. The four tutors have paid off, also I think the additional time away from football. He took a step back because of his grades in those two ever important classes. He thinks that he will pass calc and go to summer school or whatever to repeat physics. And I am thinking this is good news..........</p>
<p>my son also has been struggling with calc and physics. very similar scenario with tutors and adjusting the schedule. news today is that there is hope as he feels good about today's test! knowing the system in place that helps the kids who need it...is just one more reason that I am so happy he is there!</p>
<p>my son also was struggling with cal but now says he is passing. He says he thinks next trimester they are giving him 22 credits. Is that possible? I said to see if that could be changed since I think it may be too overwhelming.</p>