I’m a high school freshman about to switch boarding schools to Deerfield Academy, the Hill School, Episcopal School (Virginia) or the Kent School. I haven’t received a note of acceptance or anything, but I’m just curious.
I’ll be a sophomore in a new school. Unlike the freshman year, it is harder to make friends as a sophomore. I’m not exactly the social, out-going person. In fact, for me, making good friends is a slow process. In my current school it took me two months. I mean I can make good acquaintances, but good acquaintances are different from good friends. Which school would it be easier to make friends?
I would try not to pick a school or make a mental decision until you see what your choices will be. That being said I would encourage you to go back to schools for a re visit and ask about integration of 10th grade/sophomores. I think your gut will tell you at that point. My third child is similar which is why we waited to apply. We thought another year at home would be a good idea. Another suggestion for a revisit is to try to meet students in a couple of clubs that appeal to you. Clubs are excellent vehicles for less socially outgoing students. My older children were very outgoing but the youngest is very reserved and a bit shy so that is our plan.
Making friends depends on you, not the school. If you have made good friends at your current school, even if it took you two months, why are you looking to transfer?
Yes, I know making friends is also in my hands. But I just curious as to which school it would be easier to do so. All around me teachers, even my advisor, are telling me not to go because it’s harder to make friends as a sophomore. They’re saying Deerfield in particular will be harder because everybody’s ‘snobby’ and it’s big. I know these are just superstitions they may have. After all, they’ve never been there. How can they know if everybody’s ‘snobby’ or what the community is like? And about size, my school’s pretty small. There are about 280-300 students, but even so that’s not much of a plus factor to making friends. Even so, what they keep telling me makes me a little bit anxious. That’s why.
As for why I’m transferring, I will keep that quiet.
making friends is all about you BUT a school with students that are like you or have similar interests helps facilitate those relationships. ALL of these schools have wealth and snobbery and then there is everyone else. Dont listen to anyone but yourself and trusted friends or family. You applied for a reason…
@toastylee I can understand your concern about making friends. However, you won’t be the only new sophomore coming in and others will be anxious to form friendships as well. I have one child who, at that age, was more quiet and introverted. Before boarding school started, we talked about this being a new start, a new beginning away from the classmates since 1st grade. You can’t completely change who you are but you can change your outlook and how you act and react to settings. My child decided to take advantage of the new setting to be a little more extroverted. Although it was a little uncomfortable at first, kiddo made the effort to greet everyone on the path and step outside their comfort zone a little bit which resulted in a huge shift as those efforts were rewarded and reinforced by the way others responded. Think about ways you can make the new start of a new boarding school work for you. Get involved in many activities and put yourself out there a little with others.
Also, try not to worry about this stuff - I know that’s hard! - until March 10th. At that time, you’ll know what your options are. No point in worrying now about scenarios that may or may not be in the mix in a few weeks.
At revisits, why don’t you ask to be paired with a student who was also a new 10th grader? Then you can ask them specific questions about their experience.
I agree that you should wait until you see what your options are, and I really like @GMC2918 's advice about trying to find students who started as new 10th graders to find out how it was for them.
If you like the schools equally, one of the things you can look for is how intentional they are in their “social engineering”. By that, I mean that you should look for all the ways that the school creates different groups for you to be a part of so that you can make/find friends (in addition to things like clubs.) One of the keys to forming friendships is seeing people regularly, not simply meeting them. Many schools are quite deliberate in making sure that students have to associate with a number of different groups on a regular basis. For example, does the school require you to work on campus and is it with the same group of people? Do you have an advisory group (rather than simply an advisor) that gets together regularly to check in, have a meal, etc. Are new students required to play a sport or two (even at an intramural level) so that they are with the same group of people every day for season? Are there special orientation activities for new students that include fun and bonding activities? How is the housing and eating set up – in a way in which hanging out with friends is easy?
Starting new anywhere can feel really scary, and while you’ll no doubt find your way by doing the things that you like to do (and make sure, btw, to pick a few where you see the same people regularly – whether it’s going to help out a soup kitchen every Saturday or to work on the newspaper), it helps when the school reinforces this a bit too.
Agreed with posters who advised you to take things in your own hands. Having said that, a fine toning factor is the size of the new sophoremore cohort. It’s easier to be among more students who are on the same boat and face the same challenges. It’s also more likely to form an alliances among yourselves.
@toastylee Are you currently at a different BS or day school? My daughter entered BS this year as a new Junior from our local day school. She was most nervous about coming into an already formed class as the “new girl” but the transition has been a smooth one. In her experience, making friends at BS happened quickly. Living with other girls (or boys) 24/7 really speeds up the process! Being away from home, your friends become your de facto family. She has become really close with her dorm mates and has spent the weekend with one friend who lives close to school and will be spending part of Spring Break with another friend. I think this is fairly common. She is at a smaller school so was one of only 2 or 3 new Juniors. I imagine it may be easier as a Sophomore because there will be even more new students to bond with over your shared experience as newbies! Best of luck to you on M10.
https://deerfield.edu/apply/the-deerfield-experience/9th-grade/
“Deerfield welcomes approximately 50 new tenth grade students per year to make a sophomore class size of 150 students”
So you won’t exactly be a loner in a sea of tight friends. It is very common in boarding schools that a lot of new students enter in sophomore year.
My son entered BS as a sophomore and did fine. My D entered another BS as a freshman. At her school the class size almost doubles sophomore year. She has friends that entered as freshmen, some that entered later (even as junior), and friends that are in other class years.
Personally I think two months to making friends is pretty good. I know it probably felt like years though. Good friends often start as good acquaintances.