<p>Paralysis wasn't the problem - after my D sent in her ED appln, I had a hard time focusing on anything else. And I have a high-powered job and a family! I must have thought about her appln a few times an hour for a full month - wondering if all the pieces were right, wishing she would have tweaked a thing here or there, playing out scenarios of if she were deferred (she had no back-up plan and absolutely refused to make one) and trying not to even imagine if she was accepted. I began to believe I was going crazy, and I couldn't quite believe that I had become so obsessed over a process that wasn't even mine, to begin with, and that I had absolutely no control over! When the envelope came I handed it to her and was shaking and sobbing a bit. She asked me what was wrong...and then she started to smile...</p>
<p>Calmom~ we won't qualify for need-based aid this year, despite the fact that both DW and I spent a lot of the year un- or under- employed. She was able to find a new job, with a paid relocation, so the "income" from the relo puts us definitely over the top. No FAFSA here, which does make it simpler.</p>
<p>TheDad ~ Thanks. I haven't mentioned it but your thread with Sunshine and friends from two years ago was very illuminating for me. I read between the lines regarding all of the fun you had with your D in HS, and am now using these insights with my D as she has just entered 9th. Hopefully the college process will be old hat by the time she has applications submitted to schools.</p>
<p>Donemom, I agree. Although he went through this process last year, he had no clear favorite and said he would be happy where ever he attended. We were looking for significant merit aid too. But that was anxiety free because he had $18,000/yr in hand from Rensselaer(Rensselaer Medal + Legacy Scholarship). The additional $7000 RPI offered was merely a pleasant surprise which sealed the deal.</p>
<p>One thing I am enjoying about this stage of the process is that we are no longer focused on 4000 colleges and are now focused on a (slightly) smaller number of "schools applied to". This shift in focus (brought on by my D's insistence to shut my paranoia out of her process) has allowed me to start bringing her Fred Flinstone prepared handwritten spreadsheets with comparo's of dorms, diversity, dollars and dudes. Or distance from dorm to dining. Tomorrow we move on to the E's.</p>
<p>Hey guys, my daughter still has one college app to do... so we're not even done with phase 1 yet. She plans to complete that one this weekend, but technically she has until the 15th. I promised to take her out to a celebretory dinner as soon as the last app is in.</p>
<p>Cur,
your Fred Flintstone spreadsheets, all D's made me laugh.....
when doing the California tour of 6 schools.....we were on the highway from Pomona back up to Stanford.....a 5 hr drive on a good day I think, anyway, there was a fatal accident and we were in standstill mode for a couple of hours....so, my S and I pulled together a list of all the different characteristics that mattered, ie wireless on campus, food, location, skiing nearby etc, he had about 10 characteristics on 1 axis and the 10 schools on the other.....he went thru and assigned a numeric value of 1-10 for each school for each characteristic and the grand total value determined the top school for him...... the final individual totals were actually in line with our own unspoken rankings... but it was a fun exercise while stuck in traffic for such a sad reason... in 110 degree heat....... I saved those little sheets..... don't remember where I put them, but I did save them.....Bowdoin's #1 ranking for food was fun to assign.....Dartmouth's network is the best .... definitely worth doing because it is so uniquely your own evals......</p>
<p>Waiting is NOT something you get used to!!!!! I thought it might be easier the second time around but it's worse. It was a lot easier last year when we were clueless. The only thing better this time is that andison got the apps in on the 29th, even the ones with late Jan. due dates. Last year he was typing like a madman at 11:55 p.m. on the 31st. We celebrated the end - hopefully forever- of his applications with super duper chunky chocolate ice cream.</p>
<p>Andi, you surely win the prize in the waiting game! You have it down and with grace. I can't wait (sorry for the pun) for you to have the waiting game DONE!</p>
<p>Yes Andi, no need to post on the master list when Andison's acceptances come in. You deserve your own thread!</p>
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We celebrated the end - hopefully forever- of his applications with super duper chunky chocolate ice cream.
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<p>Ice cream is always a good choice. Andi, Curmudge, and a few others keep me here, even when lots of reasons to go away!</p>
<p>Susan puns are absolutely OK! We get a lot of bad ones around this house so I'm inured to the worst of them. Keep them coming.</p>
<p>Thanks audiophile!!!!! I'm truly honored!!! I may even use colors and smilies!!! I wish there were cyber confetti to sprinkle around.</p>
<p>cangel thanks for staying around :) Your posts would be missed!!! </p>
<p>Just wish I could check off those calendar days a little bit faster - I bet they can in Hogwarts- probably should have included that on the list.</p>
<p>Just when I thought I had given her the Visa card number for the last time!!!!...... D2 spent Winter Break visting with friends who are/were back after their first semesters away.The reviews were mixed and the advice confusing. Kids who ended up in rural schools were finding hard to adjust to life that is all school,kids who chose very small schools for high student-faculty ratios are bored by the small bubble, kids who chased snow or other sports are frustrated with playing time and training schedules. Very smart kids who worked hard to get in to very elite schools are finding that they are working their butts off and not having any fun, and are struggling to get the same grades they were able to get in high school. None of these kids have found a balance YET. The boys seemed to be having a harder time adjusting than the girls. The girls have been quick to make new friends and keep the old. For the boys, geography is a problem.
D2 is now TOTALLY RETHINKING her choices. Looking for schools with a more focused academic major - she's thinking oceanography/marine science/environmental studies..with deadlines that haven't passed.
Anyway, the advice has been to find a school that offers balance between academics and social opportunities. Prestige is not everything.We have encouraged our daughters that college is finally a time they can take some academic risks. We have asked them to look outside their comfort zone. D2 is slow to get this part.
I don't want to read another essay. I don't EVER want to hear about SAT scores again!!! I don't care who in her class got in where and who didn't. I just want no excuses and no regrets.As the sun comes back to Alaska, I know this time will fly by. I just want D2 to enjoy her senior year of high school. Know that she'll win some and lose some and whatever adcoms deal out in April is no reflection on her being "good enough".</p>
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she's thinking oceanography/marine science/environmental studies..with deadlines that haven't passed
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<p>May want to look into Eckerd College in St. Petersburg, FL. They are on rolling admissions so check and see if class is full yet.</p>
<p>Andi, after the disappointment that you had last year, I can certainly see why you would be anxious. If I were you I wouldn't sleep until I saw the first fat envelope either.</p>
<p>I'm a little different situation, as my d. is guaranteed admission to at least one of the UC campuses based on her top 4% class standing -- she doesn't want to go there, but I told her that the application to UC was absolutely mandatory - I wouldn't support or pay for her to go to college elsewhere unless she at least applied to UC. She saw enough of her friends get rejected or waitlisted from all their private colleges last year, ending up at UC, to know the wisdom of my position -- as much as she has her heart set on leaving the state. </p>
<p>I think we California parents are lucky that the UC deadline is Nov. 30th -- there is a lot of gnashing of teeth the last week of November, but once that is out of the way, we can breathe easier. I guess part of my lack of anxiety at this point is that -- as disappointing as it would be for my daughter -- I would be very happy if she was attending a UC campus. (Closer to home, less expensive, etc.) So I guess that even though we don't have an official letter of admission, I'm in the same boat as parents whose kids have already been admitted to rolling admission safeties - we know that our kids will have a place next year, even though we are not yet sure where it will be. </p>
<p>Since I also have a son who got into just about every college he applied to, but left college after 2 years -- I also have the benefit of the hindsight in knowing that even getting into the top choice college is not necessarily a guarantee of success and happiness. I have a personal sense that in the end, life will work out for the best, and sometimes the disappointments that life throws us are meant to be. So I for one, am not going to freak out if both kids end up next year at their least-favorite safeties. </p>
<p>I wish your son luck this year. I assume that this time around, he has done the same as my daughter and applied to some true safeties, even if he hopes to go elsewhere. (Any with the chance of early notification?) I know my daughter is probably very nervous about her chances at the private schools she applied to - though my son is cool as a cucumber, even though he also has to worry about paying his own way now.</p>
<p>Crabbylady - my daughter is also hearing similar stories from the kids home for winter break. It is certainly not rocky for everyone, but one girl has already dropped out of her chosen college, and there certainly is a lot of angst going around. I do think it helps regain some perspective - those top choices don't always turn out for the best.</p>
<p>But calmom and Crabbylady, you really must wait until the end of the freshman year. We heard this from many kids home at winter break of their freshman year last year, but all stayed at their respective schools, and, uniformly this year, love where they are. There is an adjustment period during any new experience (a new school, new job, whatever) that may be rocky and may not reflect what life will be like six months later! Crabbylady, I'd encourage your D to stay with the program she already set. Then check back with these friends next June. I suspect she'll hear a different set of stories.</p>
<p>Quiltguru, I did tell my daughter that this angst was normal for the first semester... but if you read my post again, you will see that I mentioned that one kid has already dropped out - there will be no "end of freshman year" for that kid. And I also have a son who was perfectly happy his first year, revealed the first signs of angst to me some time after spring break his sophomore year -- and ended up leaving his college. </p>
<p>I think its a good idea for kids to get a reality check ahead of the time they go to college. Its easy for us all to fall in the trap of thinking that this is the most momentous event and decision of their whole lives -- it isn't. Its a new chapter and a new direction... but that is true no matter where they end up.</p>
<p>I have a dear friend whose daughter is my D's role model (not career-wise , just role model). She went from small town Texas (not the same town) to Yale, to London School of Economics , to Columbia Law . He reminded me last week that she had a boyfriend at A+M when she left and that she called home crying 100 times her freshman year. Oh, joy.</p>
<p>But he helped her get bundled back up after break and sent her back where she found a few kindred forlorn souls and things started looking up. She ended up on their intercollegiate fencing team! Bad news? She never came home to stay. :( Wall Street firm. Drats. Somehow it seems these broader horizons give you .......uhhhh.......broader horizons .</p>
<p>Daughter still has two apps left (due the 15th). Still trying to figure out if the colleges have received everything. In the meantime, there is plenty to keep us busy including her 18th birthday in February. You want to shock your kid? Just point out how close they are to 20 and not being a teenager any more. Honestly, I don't think they see past 18. But then, neither did I.</p>
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You want to shock your kid? Just point out how close they are to 20
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<p>No thanks, my daughter thought she was 25 at age 13.</p>