<p>somebody please reply!!</p>
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this may sound stupid, but do you think it is wise to write a personal essay about how I am always the first to get the mail? This is just to bring out humor in my essay
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<p>Sounds awesome!</p>
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and i will write about how people appreciate my volunteerism and write thank-you letters to me. ...</p>
<p>the letter will go on this way about the important documentations i get in the mail (and thus show my personality and accomplishments at the same time) .
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<p>Sounds "full-of-yourself"!</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>thanks.can anyone give me ideas how I can adapt this idea better without being braggy or showing arrogance? Thanks!!</p>
<p>raven:</p>
<p>agree with the "full of yourself" comment. If you want to write about your volunteerism, focus on one example. You can weave in the thankyou note into the story.</p>
<p>As for being always the one to get the mail, what do you want the essay to tell about yourself? What is so important about getting the mail? It is not to discourage you from using this topic; it's to make you think about what your essay is supposed to tell the adcom about you. You can be lighthearted without striving to be humorous; that is far more difficult to achieve, and different people have different sense of humor anyway.</p>
<p>Can I say that that i always get the mail first because I always seek inspiration from it? I am talking about inspiration to make a difference. For example, i work for various political organisation. Can I say that letters from them give me better inspiration on my campaigning activity? Can I also say that I am a good friend as I still get letters from friends from the other half of the world when the last time I saw them was 5 years ago? Being an avid politician can I say that I always look foward to the latest edition of Newsweek to enhance my knowledge of politics?</p>
<p>Any better ideas are really welcomed! THANKS!!!!</p>
<p>Look, this thread isn't about your essay, so please stop de-railing it. </p>
<p>In response to your question, any one of those topics could make an incredible essay. As many have pointed out, you can write about something as cliche as, "the death of my dog Spot" and still pull it off. </p>
<p>Why don't you actually take a stab at writing an essay and get back to us with something tangible to critique? When you have something completed, post it in the College Admissions forum and you'll get plenty of feedback. </p>
<p>Until then, all of these "what if" questions aren't going to get either of us anywhere.</p>
<p>Cryptic - why do you go for the mail first? After you honestly answer that question to yourself, you will know whether you have a good essay topic. Don't make up a reason to fit the essay. It will sound phony. Admin people are going to know that stacks of junk mail and bills for your parents don't inspire you.</p>
<p>Since this thread started out with "A is for Admissions," I checked to see what Michele Hernandez had to say about essays:
[quote]
The finest essays I have read are really slice-of-life essays that show what you are really like...The most effective essays take a small, seemingly insignificant incident and elaborate upon it. Don't try to fit your whole life into one short essay; instead, focus on just one experience in your life and make it come alive. The best essays are ones that help admissions officers understand your character better and/or shed light on any factors in your background that have influenced what kind of person you are....If the reader wants to drop everything and meet you in person, you have written an extraordinary essay....Some of the best essays are actually about your family life, or your parents, or are very personal....
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I may be wrong, but I believe Ms. Hernandez is talking about something quite different from using the essay to "sell your strongest features," and I also worry that Interesteddad's advice, "Just tell a story," may backfire: After all, those trite, self-congratulatory essays that Harry Bauld calls Tales of My Success ("But, finally, when I crossed the finish line...") do tell a story. </p>
<p>Again, I am not an admissions officer, but I'd be careful about trying too hard to sell yourself in the essay. You have the rest of the application, including grades, references, lists of extracurricular activities and accomplishments, and often short-answer questions in order to highlight all of your achievements. If an essay is crafted to drive home the same point, it may fail to give adcoms much insight into who you really are. (After all, a student's "identity" usually goes far beyond his scientific research or tutoring.) </p>
<p>Here are some interesting excerpts from an interview with Marilee Jones, the dean of admissions at MIT: ( <a href="http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/04_21/b3884138_mz070.htm">http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/04_21/b3884138_mz070.htm</a> ):
[quote]
Q: What prompted you to change MIT's application process?
A: About three years ago, I asked a group of students: "What do you daydream about?" And one kid said to me: "We don't daydream. There's no reward for it, so we don't do it." Boy, that hit me right between the eyes
.
Q: What surprising responses did you get to [a new essay question asking Tell us something you do for the pleasure of it]?
A: About one-third of [applicants] write [that] the thing they do for fun is the thing is that's No. 1 on their extracurricular list. That's fine.
The rest have some wonderful responses. One kid said he makes smoothies in a blender and tries different concoctions for friends. One kid watches classic movies with his mother and eats popcorn. Another reads and studies the pentameter of the ancient myths -- his favorite are the Welsh myths, and he lists them all and describes them.
These are the things you would never know about kids if you didn't ask. With this information, that person becomes a real person to you.
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Yes, theres some element of marketing and gamesmanship in college admissions, but approaching the whole application like a sales brochure seems risky as well as distressingly cynical. It may work for some of the applicants some of the time, but it may also result in a package that comes across as too cold, too slick, and too shallow.</p>
<p>ivyqueen,
The quotes you pasted in support my own D's essays, & success with them (if they did have a positive affect toward those acceptances). But I had forgotten what Michelle had said in her book, nor was I aware of the MIT comments -- during the time my D was writing her (multiple!) essays. We just went with what made sense to us: the rest of the app. asks for the accomplishments & demonstrates the accomplishments; not much is asked for in the way of drawing a personal portrait -- until the essay portion. So she & I discussed it, & agreed that the topic(s) should be personal & non-academic. One of the essays concerned an e.c. that she's rather accomplished in, yet virtually nothing was mentioned in there about those achievements, except quite obliquely. Rather, she talked about how she experiences this activity, her responses to it, & other people's responses to it. When she received a congratulations letter after acceptance, the adcom sender of the letter wrote specific comments about enjoying that essay so much.</p>
<p>I have to say that I especially liked the Penn essay question about a mid-life mini-autobiography. It forced my D to be very imaginative, & while she resisted at first, she ended up writing something really cute that was similarly "against type" [academic type]. I would have had a favorable response to that essay if I were an adcom, & obviously Penn did. Again, this showed her to be something more complex & colorful than a personification of achievement.</p>
<p>Which of your books - "Acing the College Application" - or "Don't Worry, You'll Get In" - would you recommend for a strong student with a good range of EC's who does not test particularly well? </p>
<p>If the answer is both - that's fine -- my hesitancy about buying "Acing" is that I want to help my daughter strengthen her apps, but I don't want to leave her discouraged because she doesn't have the sort of stats or accomplishments that many Ivy aspirants have.</p>
<p>I believe that Michele and I are saying exactly the same thing. "Just tell a story" and "slice of life" are the same essay. I happen to agree that focusing on a small event is easier than trying to capture an entire life story in 500 words. </p>
<p>Let me give an example. Suppose you do volunteer work with inner city kids. Writing an essay about some part of that experience is "selling yourself". There's nothing cynical about it. If you don't write about your volunteer work, bringing it to life by painting a picture of the activity or the kids and the feelings or joys or frustrations or whatever the case may be, how is the adcom supposed to get to know you?</p>
<p>The great thing about this type of story essay is that you don't have to draw any grand sweeping conclusions about life or make any huge claims. The activity and personality emerge from of the story itself. The essay is actually stronger by leaving out the "what I learned from..." conclusion. In fact, I think the mistake many kids make is attempting an essay that is too "big" or ambitious.</p>
<p>The "sell yourself" part comes in the selection of the small event you choose to tell about. For example, if your two options for "slice of life" essays were a) tutoring inner city kids or b) lying out by the pool at the country club, you would probably write about a) because it's a more attractive "selling feature". Not only do you convey personality, but you also emphasize an interest or activity that will probably be attractive to the admissions office.</p>
<p>The reason that it's worthwhile to think of the application as a selling tool is that you want to put yourself in the shoes of the adcom. What about you is going to make the college picture you as a vibrant, engaged contributor to campus life? </p>
<p>I'm stunned at some of the essays I read here. I mean an essay about spending eight hours a day holed up in a bedroom playing video games? How is that "selling" something that a college would want to "buy"? Or, the "poor me/my parents just don't understand me" essay.</p>
<p>Interesteddad: The kinds of essays you recommend sound fine to me, and I definitely agree with the advice that an essay may be "actually stronger by leaving out the 'what I learned from...' conclusion. In fact, I think the mistake many kids make is attempting an essay that is too 'big' or ambitious."</p>
<p>I guess the point I am trying to make is that memorable and effective essays are sometimes not about achievements at all. For example, Michele cites two essays that particularly impressed her--one about what happened when a boy finally got the rifle he'd always wanted; and the other about a girl watching Jeopardy with her very sick father. Similarly, the MIT admissions director loved one kid's essay on making smoothies in a blender and another's on watching classic movies with his mother. </p>
<p>Personally, I've seen both good and bad essays on every sort of topic--from genuine passions to frivolous pursuits. As admirable as it is to tutor inner-city, I suspect it's quite difficult to write an essay about it that will stand out from the hundreds of others that are trying to impress the adcoms with the applicants' good works. In the end, I believe the subject matters far less than the vividness and authenticity of the execution.</p>
<p>I remember two essays I particularly liked on CC. One was from last year's admission cycle and was about food and how it evoked feelings of love for the applicant's grandmother. The other was from Raspberrysmoothie who wrote about being a somewhat reluctant runner. The first brought tears to readers' eyes, the second made them smile.</p>
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I guess the point I am trying to make is that memorable and effective essays are sometimes not about achievements at all.
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<p>For sure. Actually, I don't think essays should be about "achievements" per se. But, a good essay that presents personality can, tangentially, provide information about an achievement.</p>
<p>I think the best approach is a list of perhaps a dozen possible topics. Then, pick from that list depending on the actual applicant and the actual application. That's why I struggle with abstract questions like "would this be a good essay topic". It's impossible to answer without knowing the student and what the other options may be.</p>
<p>If I recall, what started this line of discussion was a question about how to emphasize an EC. IMO, if you want to make sure that an EC or interest adds weight to an app, you have to bring it to life in at least one of the essays. I don't think you can necessarily rely on a "line listed" EC being duly noted, particularly if the EC goes above and beyond the typical level of involvement seen on thousands of apps.</p>
<p>Yes, interestedad and I are in "heated agreement." Almost any topic can work. Acing has lots of examples so it's more of a nuts and bolts book about filling out applications and writing essays. Don't Worry You'll Get In is totally different: a collection of helpful tips that are short and to the point. One is a blueprint, the other general all around help and advice -- does that help?</p>
<p>Yes, thanks - it does help. I guess my concern is more about how to help a kid who is wisely NOT planning on applying to Ivy-caliber colleges, but still hopes to apply to some very selective, reach colleges. So I'm particularly interested in ways to help her with an application that reflects a set of experiences and activities that are more "typical". That is, she is an active student who has participated in student government, mock trial, and various other school activities - grades are better than test scores -- class rank will probably be easily with top 10%, probably top 5%. </p>
<p>My son and I read "A is for Admission" 5 years ago and it was one of the more helpful books that we read -- but truthfully, the big help was that it saved us the expense of an application fee. My son was the only NM semifinalist at his high school and teachers were insisting that he was "Ivy material" and encouraging him to apply -- "A is for Admission" provided a good dose of reality. What we really need at this point is information and suggestions geared to smart but not stellar students. </p>
<p>Is "Acing" that sort of book, or is it more geared to kids polishing an application to the elite schools? I can see where some strategies that might be ideal for an Ivy would be seen as overkill for colleges in our range.</p>
<p>I love, absolutely love how someone could go from starting with a COMPREHENSIVE list of accomplishments or the development of a "sales brochure" and end up in a blissful agreement that the "small slice of life" or a vignette is the way to go! Sorry, I-dad, you lost me there! </p>
<p>While all roads lead to Rome, the first and last elements are not the same thing. You do not need to start with a laundry of lists of awards, accolades, or other state fair ribbons to discover a bit of yourself to write about. </p>
<p>After rereading the best part of this thread, I have to go back to my earlier viewpoints: listing accomplishments is a bad idea and borrowing from the business world to write your essay is and even worse idea.</p>
<p>Yes, writing about "slice of life" or "tell a story" is a good recommendation, but it is not so much a derivation from the business or accomplishments' laundry list approach as it is a drastic departure. </p>
<p>When it comes to essays, I cringe everytime I read "selling yourself" or "packaging your best qualities". The essays that follow such a path are invariably among the ABSOLUTE worst. </p>
<p>And, if we happen to disagree on this basic promises, we are indeed NOT saying the same thing! When reading an essay, I hope that the text will hit me in the heart and leave an indelible impression. What needs to influence my brains comes from the rest of the application. The problem with the use of a methodological approach is that the objective is so apparent. </p>
<p>There have been a handful of good essays on CC. Let's dig them up and see in which category they fall. And, it is not necessary to know a single thing about a student to know if an essay work or not!</p>
<p>I went to look for an old post I wrote in answer to a question about essays. </p>
<p>"I am afraid that you will not find many great essays on CC ... or at any of the sites showing examples. The best essays are personal and simple and very rarely shared! There are, however, some essays that hit the mark. Here's one that shows how a simple essay can be effective. Obviously, essays have to answer the proposed prompts and this is not an essay that would be a "fit-for-all". </p>
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[Quote]
When I was a child, I remember a visit to my grandfather's house. He lived in a village of clay and stone and straw roof houses. As far as the eye could see, miles and miles of parched rice fields surrounded this small village. My grandfather loved the villagers and each respected him. But I don't think they understood him; I never understood him. The sweltering heat and thick humidity quickly drained my spirits. </p>
<p>"Dekho dekho, come inside," my grandfather said, "I want to show you something." A soothing melody seeped in my ears as I entered his house. My grandfather was playing an instrument; a beautiful teak sitar. My body relaxed and my mind filled with wonderful thoughts as I listened, the notes sank deep in my soul. A cool breeze swept through the room. "Keep playing grandpa," I said. </p>
<p>The whole village soon gathered around my grandfather's house. Men were chanting Hindi verse; the women were dancing in circles. I was in the center, still sitting beside my grandfather. I noticed the dry and cracked feet of the villagers as they danced, their hidden worry tucked beneath the joyful liveliness. I knew of the harsh conditions. The crickets now chirped as the sun fell below the earth and the night blanket covered the sky. Our only source of light was the brilliant stars and aromatic candles lit by the children of the village. "Keep playing grandpa," I said. </p>
<p>My grandfather, in poor health and old age, sat beside me and continued to play his sitar. I wondered about my grandfather, but knew better than to question him. He had always been superstitious, overly watchful of bad omens. The villagers often scoffed at his strange ways. Swarms of mosquitoes now fluttered around the candles. The smell of incense burning in the cool mud filled the air. I was in a subtle trance, embraced by the rich culture. "Grandpa," I whispered, "you are growing tired. It is getting late. Please rest." </p>
<p>"I cannot," my grandfather said. "My fingers have stopped tapping the strings long ago. The music you hear is from my soul, my thirst. I must continue playing until the clouds of rain fill the sky." </p>
<p>I awoke the next morning with the sound of the birds and the monkeys rustling in the trees. I walked outside in the dim daylight. A soft grayness lay over the vast rice fields in the distance; flamingos flocked around a nearby ditch. Rain drops sprinkled on my head and ran down my face, shattering as they hit the Indian soil. I felt the rain. I felt the admiration, the respect, the love. All for my grandfather. The drought was over.
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<p>Again, your essays can be small windows in your world that let the adcoms discover a different angle of your life. You do not have to reduce your entire life into 500 words."</p>
<p>Xiggi:</p>
<p>Thanks for posting this essay. Although my S no longer is in need of examples, I loved this essay. As you suggest, it is so evocative and multi-layered.</p>
<p>xiggi - I actually think you and ID are saying the same thing. Selling yourself doesn't have to mean highlighting an achievement. It can mean selling your actual self. Selling is the difficult word to take here, because it makes a transaction out of something that seems so personal. But I imagine that adcoms want to admit humans. So selling your self, as a high achieving student, also means communicating who you are as a human.</p>
<p>Personal anecdote in place of data: my D was accepted at the school where one of the essay questions who "Who has most affected your life". She answered that it was her adopted niece, daughter of my sister. Her essay was completely emotional, about the sorrow she felt for my sister's infertility and the joy she felt in the adoption. Very little "creative writing", very few adjectives. And, my D's real self, high-achieving aside, is emotional and committed to the love of children.</p>
<p>Just a case in point that I believe supports my contention that you and interesteddad agree.</p>