Hey so I know this might sound dramatic but I am a senior in HS and I am surrounded by people talking about how excited they are for college. I am not totally sure why, but for some reason every time I think about college or see a post from my university on Instagram, I get incredibly depressed and hate the thought of going away. I’ve watched youtube vlogs and even talked to some current students there, but I cannot find any way to make myself excited. It’s not the school that is the problem, this is my favorite school and I was so excited when I was accepted. The problem is that I can’t see myself going anywhere, leaving my friends and family, and having to become more independent. Does anyone have any advice on how I can start feeling more excited and stop breaking down every time I think about next year? It’s really taking a toll on me and my emotions.
It’s hard to realize but life is about change. You came into a school and met people who lived there.
They will now grow and advance and you will too - and it’s simply planting a new seed that needs to be watered and grow. You’ll get an entire new set of friends.
It doesn’t mean your old ones go away - it’s just the relationship changes.
The truth is, everyone is moving on and it happens multiple times in life.
But that makes it exciting.
It’s not always easy but get yourself involved on campus and you’ll settle in faster than you think!!
Good luck.
My daughter was the same way. She was scared and has since told us that if she had really felt it was an option to stay home at the last minute, she would have.
It’s a big change and there are a lot of unknowns. I actually think it’s healthy to feel nervous…you are likely being realistic. College can be great, but it’s also a big adjustment and there will be some hard times along the way. But odds are you are ready for them and you’ll do great. Also, please know that some of the people around you who seem like they are excited on the outside, are just as nervous on the inside as you are.
My daughter absolutely adores her school now and as a senior is super sad to be leaving soon. She has volunteered to help freshmen with orientation every year because she remembers how stressed out she was and she wants to be there for others going through the same thing.
there are two mottos that I live by: “do what excites” and “seek discomfort.” both are relatively connected to each other, and i think you should try thinking in this way as well.
i think i should start off by saying, don’t worry! everyone feels the same way as you do, one way or another. frankly, i felt the same going into high school. i didn’t like the idea of being surrounded by new people and teachers, and i hated the recurring thought of where i would sit at lunch as a freshman.
but then i remembered to “seek discomfort.” i realized i wasn’t going to feel better if i didn’t start changing the way i thought about high school, and what i was doing – even if i knew it would be difficult. i began to join clubs, meet new people, and talk to my new teachers a bit every day. although initially stressful, in hindsight, i think just crossing the “discomfort” bridge was already half the battle. while i was doing that, i began to “do what excites.” i hung out more with these new friends, took “positive” risks, and honestly, i felt my happiness increase a lot.
i guess what i’m trying to say is that life is short, and as cliche as it sounds, you should try and make the most of it. people grow, move on, and surround themselves with new groups – it’s all human nature, and frankly, reality. but that doesn’t mean your friends will leave you… in fact, it’s quite the opposite. while they may have a new set of friends in college, just like you will, that doesn’t stop them from hanging out with you and reconnecting. many of my close middle school friends went to different high schools and created different friend groups, but we all still check in with one another periodically.
i believe it’s your mind taking a toll on you right now, and that’s common. everyone overthinks. it’s just whether you let the dirty mind games end up victorious, or if you take control of those negative thoughts and overcome them.
you’ll be a-okay! don’t worry. good luck.
tl;dr just “do what excites” and “seek discomfort.” take control of your negative thoughts and you will thrive in college.
That’s the part of growing up: you’ll have to leave your comfort zone and this is not the only one. You want to do new things, meet new people, make new friends, get out of your comfort zone because that’s how you grow. You don’t want to stay in what I call “velvet coffin” where everything is comfortable but it actually traps you and you don’t go anywhere as a person and professionally.
You’ll have to leave your career at one place to a new place in the future due to one or more of these reasons: better position, better pay, greater chance for promotions, automatic promotions, etc. You’ll leave old colleagues and maybe a comfortable environment but going somewhere new will do good for you.
SO normal - and just because everyone else is acting like they are super excited doesn’t mean they aren’t also scared too. Growing up can feel hard, even when you are grown LOL.
It’s great that you can talk about it here, can you talk to your family IRL about this? Just pretending you are ok with the people who love you won’t help.
It’s important for you to both talk and feel your way through it, and when the time comes it will feel less daunting and more exciting because you’ve confronted it. So feel free to cry, but also spend time thinking about the things that are exciting about it! Pretty soon your excitement will start to outweigh your fear.
Finally, remember that you aren’t leaving anyone, we carry all those we love in our hearts wherever we go, and they carry you as well. 
Just realize - this is completely different from moving to a different town and trying to fit in as the “new person”.
People from across the county (and beyond) will all be “new” together - and everyone will be equally without their family and friends circles. Many people will also feel anxious about making new friends, becoming independent - others might be somewhat more confident, or just won’t let the anxiety show. Either way, this common, new, experience (and some joint misery) will make it easier to bond over.
You’ll all face the same, new challenges – at times, someone will have “been there” and will have helpful hints, other things you might have figured out first and will be a resource for your peers.
Remember, it’s okay to feel apprehensive.
Some kids just do. There are also some kids who are genuinely as excited as they come across and can’t wait to leave (doesn’t mean they’ll eventually cope better, it’s just how they feel now). Some kids flip flop between excitement and apprehension. Some feel just like you but pretend. And the vast majority will go away and be mostly okay.
What’s not okay is to feel truly, clinically depressed or so anxious you cannot function. Some people are vulnerable to experiencing a depressive episode with a major change in life - not just with a bad change, can be a good change like going away to the school you wanted.
It doesn’t mean you can’t go to college and learn how to cope, but it means that, if accepting that it’s okay to feel apprehensive doesn’t help, if you actually feel so depressed and anxious you cannot function in school, cannot enjoy friends, family and hobbies anymore, you must ask your parents to have you see a counsellor. (I take it that you’re not seeing one yet as I imagine you’d have mentioned it). You may do fine with some counselling sessions, or you may need to try out an antidepressant. If you do this now, you can get into a stable place to start college in fall.
OP, your post really spoke to me. Hence, my very long response…
First, you are not alone. My D was petrified and sad before she left for college. Her initial excitement had turned into very real fear of leaving home. She said things like she “wished that she could be little again” and she “did not want to go to college at all, but knew that she had to,” etc.
Simply mentioning college to my D would trigger her fears. She did not want to shop for her dorm room or pack her stuff until the very last minute. As we got closer to move-in, she didn’t eat or sleep well.
Skipping ahead … it all turned out OK. She went to school, settled in, made friends, did well academically, etc. Challenging at first, for sure and it was not a perfect first year, but certainly much, much better than she (and we) anticipated. In fact, D got herself an internship and stayed for the summer after freshman year! We were absolutely floored.
So, what can YOU do at this point to help yourself? Some suggestions:
Don’t hold it all in (VERY IMPORTANT). Talk with your parents. Talk with your school counselor. If you feel that therapy would be helpful, ask for it. You need support and encouragement from those around you.
Try to get excited about what lies ahead. Remember the reasons why you chose your college in the first place. Make a list of things to do on and off campus, and places that you’re excited to explore.
Optimism is contagious. Are your friends at home excited for college? You should also be able to speak with your future roommates. If they are feeling excited, it may help you. If they are a bit nervous, it will help to know that you’re not alone.
Have you thought of the possibility that some future lifelong best friend(s) are waiting to meet you at school? This was true for me and for both of my daughters, so far. Maybe for you too.
Engage in retail therapy. Get a few new items of clothing to wear on campus, purchase decor for your dorm room, etc. Do you like decorating? Your room awaits.
Visualize how much fun it could be to be independent for the first time & to make your own rules. Our fearful D was also pretty excited to sample the club nightlife that our hometown is missing. And… to eat a pint of ice cream in bed and order food at midnight. What would you like do without your parents weighing in?
It may also help to visualize and plan for your first night or two at school. What will you need to help you feel less anxious? Put together a care package of comfort items and treats. Spoil yourself.
Finally, it is OK to acknowledge that there will likely be times that you feel lonely or homesick at school. How will you handle those times? Familiarize yourself with how to access your school’s mental health counseling. Also, will you be close enough so your family can visit? Perhaps you could pre-plan one visit from them or one weekend at home during the first semester?
Leaving home for the first time is scary, but the rewards can be pretty amazing. I am wishing you the very best as you face your fears and begin this new adventure. 
Giving words to your feelings is so brave. Many people have similar doubts and genuine anxiety about going away to college. The Covid years have compounded these feelings. Please seek help if these feelings become overwhelming and all-consuming.
Make plans for the spring to dig into some of your current friendships and enjoy this time. Senior year, peers can get scattered and even start to naturally pull away from each other. Sometimes friendships that have not been as strong as they once were, but with a little effort make a comeback in the coming months. Make plans to get together with folks. You will find many of your peers feeling the same way you are right now. D21 has some great friends from high school that ended up at colleges all over the country and they check on each other all the time.
Doing some of this relationship building now will help you build the skills to be the one on your dorm floor that encourages others to meet for dinner at the dining hall or play an impromptu board game.
For dorms, consider live/learn communities around themes like majors or interests, like sustainability.
Go to orientation and if they have any special programs to get students on campus early consider those. Many colleges offer small group volunteer opportunities before everyone else moves in so you already have a group of people you know on campus.
And remember, not everyone goes away to college and that is ok, too. If there is a closer or local option you want to consider that is more than okay. Talk to your school counselor about options they recommend for you.
Happily, right-now-you does not have to go to college. It’s January! quit worrying about college, and revel in all the things you love about your current life. Truly. Why spoil this time?
So, leave this worry for six-months-from-now-you. You might say ‘but what will be different in 6 months?’ and I will tell you: you will be. There is no way for you, me, or anybody else to know who you will be in six months. Your brain is changing faster right now that it has since you were a toddler.
So, let it do it’s work, and enjoy this time. Come back in 6 months (late July) and tell us how it’s going.