<p>Best of luck to her, oldfort. My s is <em>supposed</em> to be working on internship applications, but all I hear is the xbox live going full tilt from his room :(</p>
<p>Hmmm, I sorta agree with both sides. Well it’s kind of weird the involvement that parents on this forum have with their kids(I kinda just picked the colleges I would like, researched them, asked my mom for a bit of advice and the money) I sorta wish my parents(and school) knew a bit more about schools besides the ones in NC. In fact, I get most of my advice about where to go, what’s needed for psychology, things like that from my chemistry teacher haha.</p>
<p>bird rock had it right. It was FUN. My contribution to my son’s search was to do research on the schools which could provide him the best program for hiw major and to let him in on the wide variety of choices he had. At the same time, I could research financial aspects (costs, merit scholarships, etc) for myself. And, us 'rents did the driving for many visits.</p>
<p>But the best aspect of all… meeting lots of friends here among the other parents.</p>
<p>When I was 18 and looking at colleges my parents had very little input. The UC system would’ve cost $2k/yr then (1978). I have twins entering college in the fall. I have about $100k at stake over four years if they don’t get it right (per my FAFSA). We are in this together. All forms and applications have been completed by them unless there was something specific that I needed to complete. I have suggested schools but they have veto power.</p>
<p>OP you I am sure you have a perspective unique to an upbringing that has supported you in your college search, application, decision process. Not all students are similarly blessed. </p>
<p>There is a 3.8 all league student athlete at the rural public title1 high school where I teach. His parents work as a hair stylist and as a contractor and he wants to continue to play football in college. Because his parents didn’t know better he didn’t start looking at schools where he perhaps could have been recruited to play as a junior when he should have. Instead they learned this fall that it was too late. Their boy will be going to Community College because they didn’t realize what they needed to do to get him noticed by D3 or D2 schools. Not inherently a bad thing but still they wanted more and he could have done more if they had taken the time to become informed and involved.</p>
<p>PAVenturer: Ahhh the glorious pre-prop 13 era in CA public education… you were lucky :)</p>
<p>If I’m paying, I’m involved…it’s that simple.</p>
<p>Like rocket6, my parents (oh so many years ago) were not involved in my college process. They didn’t go to college themselves & thought they would be no help. I did all the tours alone or with my boyfriend. I did all my own interviews, financial aid forms, etc. My Dad din’t even see my college until 2 months AFTER I started.</p>
<p>I’m involved so my nieces & kids do not need to go thru those stressful process alone.</p>
<p>It is WAY too much money to make haphazard decisions. They decisions as to what colleges, what majors, etc. is overwhelming for most 17 year olds.</p>
<p>My 9th grade son thinks I am overinvolved.</p>
<p>My college freshmen neice is mad that I didn’t give her as much help as I am giving her sister.</p>
<p>My 11th grade neice thinks I am overinvolved in the planning out the required standardized tests (SAT II, ACT, etc) and will happliy ignore my advice to take the ACT & SAT. However she is tickled pink that I found schools in the level between state & Ivy that she can get merit &/or not have loans. She is the perfect student for me to help – I’m not offended when she throws out my advice and I’m thrilled that I can provide needed assitance that her GC won’t (ie financially feasible schools).</p>
<p>Looks like punpunun got scared off. </p>
<p>My H and I are involved because we had to navigate the college waters on our own 27 years ago and, as a result, made some regretful decisions. We’d like to help our kids avoid the same complications. </p>
<p>Plus, like some others have said, if I’m paying, I’m involved.</p>
<p>Our son did his own apps. We provided the college visits, funds, transportation as needed and information he used or not as he chose. Parental support. Goes along with the “no man is an island” and “it takes a village…” - your family is part of the society that has a stake in the results of your decisions. And- we parents are here on CC for ourselves- our kids should be extremely thankful we have this as an outlet instead of bugging them (more).</p>
<p>I can’t imagine that either of my kids would have been as well-served without parental input. Neither of them could even drive before the applications had to be in, so how would they have visited a lot of colleges? Both chose their own lists, and listened with various levels of civility to suggestions. My D2’s favorite school turned out to be one that I suggested she add on to a visit day at a school she wanted to see. Those college visits are among my happiest parenting memories. I would hate to have missed them! As a side note to the non-involved parent aspect, one of D’s friends is being horribly advised and I can see the heartbreak on the wall for her. Really a shame.</p>
<p>I suspect that OP just wanted to stir the pot and is really not interested in an answer.</p>
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<p>I think that this explanation says it all. I appreciate independence in a student, but it makes no sense to be so independent that you don’t make use of the wisdom that is right there beneath your nose (your parents).</p>
<p>Having daughters, I can appreciate using D instead of writing the word out all the time. I don’t go as far as using DD or DS though. :)</p>
<p>I made sure my daughter met the application deadlines and applied to a mix of schools that would meet her needs academically, socially and financially. I wanted to make sure that once she left for college the second chapter of my life could begin and we would both be happy. If she were not settled in and happy then how could I set out to do what I wanted to do with the rest of life? That book, 1000 Places to See Before You Die, well I’m on about 80 and I’d love to finish it.</p>
<p>I usually frequent CC not because of my son (or my desire to help him, I really can’t), but because I get valuable insight from people who know what they are talking about. Some of this insight is priceless - at least to me. It helps me calm my mind, makes me less anxious. Many times, CC does not help me, but even then I’m hooked on it. Again, nothing to do with the student in my family.</p>
<p>A more interesting question would be why some parents are so uninvolved, but I guess there’s no forum for that one! My parents paid no attention to my college search, my school had a lackluster guidance dept. and I managed on my own, and had some good luck along with plenty of difficulty. My siblings, minus the good luck, dropped out or never went to college. My education has everything to do with who I am and where I am today, and I’d never leave my D without my guidance. She’s extremely independent and works very hard, and we enjoy talking about her future, her interests and hopes and worries and all the things that go into the college selection process. </p>
<p>Of course we could still do that without CC, but it’s interesting to come on here and be among other very thoughtful parents with their differing views. And then there’s the financial aspect-- would I buy a car without consulting other consumers? No. College will cost as much as 4 cars, at least, not to mention that it will affect D’s life more than just about any other one decision she ever makes. I’d be crazy not to listen to what others have to say.</p>
<p>The OPs gone, but the use of the words “overly involved” is a very “young” sort of perspective. Through the eyes of my kids my 87 year old mom is still “overly involved” in my life LOL. Once a parent always a parent.</p>
<p>I know exactly how I ended up here: take one incredibly bright teen and add in a public school with one counselor per 400 students. Our counselors are overwhelmed with the incredible needs of teens who are homeless, teens who have abusive parents, teens who are addicts, teens who are parents themselves . . . </p>
<p>When I happened to page through one of those “get your kids into Snotty U” sorts of books, it was very, very clear that the support private school kids get (one counselor to forty well fed kids) was very different than our “fill out this form and I’ll see you next fall” counselor interactions. I had no idea what sort of school would fit our son, but I didn’t want doors slamming shut because we were clueless.</p>
<p>“It seems like unnecessary hover parenting…”</p>
<p>I agree. I see a lot of that when I come here.</p>
<p>BIG difference between trying to lend a helping hand, and running your kid’s life…</p>
<p>Honestly, some of the parents here make me believe they are trying to re-live their youth through their kids…</p>
<p>John.</p>
<p>We’re not, John, (“trying to re-live”) but I agree with post 35. Given my similar experience as parent & teacher + counselor, “overly involved” can be translated by most teenagers as adults having absolutely anything whatsoever to do with teens’ lives. </p>
<p>Well, I have unfortunate news for you: in addition to all the solid reasons given by various parents here (including the financial investment, but not limited to that), parents continue to be responsible for their dependents at least until age 18. We talk a lot about the process here so that – as someone else said – we can share this with our own peers. Consider it a virtual support group cum practical information sharing, for parents. That’s why this is called, um, the Parents Forum section of CC.</p>
<p>Why are parents helping their sons and daughters in the college search/application/admission/selection process?</p>
<p>Because, they have experience and can add value. There are many decisions to make here. If parents know what is going on, they can be used for second opinion or guidance. If parents aren’t involved, they can’t offer informed opinion and can’t translate their wisdom/experience to the college selection process. Colleges have become excellent marketing machines. It takes experienced adults to help cut through some of the marketing hype and to focus on the fundamentals. Many parents have also been through college and can offer advice based on their experience.</p>
<p>Parents know their children better than most other adults (teachers, counselors etc). That knowledge is invaluable. Also, in most cases, parents are working one-on-one with their children during the college selection process, but teachers/counselors etc are working with many students.</p>
<p>Guess OP has an ax to grind --and is happy to lurk</p>
<p>Other posts included OP’s wanting to know if high GPA kids party, if people go to walmart etc…</p>