<p>In reply: you may want to be around your kid, but have any of you ever considered whether your kid wants to be around you?!</p>
<p>My parents sent me to boarding school way back when because they were in the foreign service. I was a day student three years and had the nice experience of being a five day boarder and spending weekends with a friendâs family. The education was head and shoulders above the DC public schools. </p>
<p>My parents said that if we wanted to send our kids to boarding school instead of the local public they would foot the bill. I definitely considered it as I was not at all sure that the local high school would really challenge my kids, especially the older one. In the end, I decided that the local school was good enough, and that he was using his free time in productive ways that would make up for the shortcomings of the high school. Neither kid was interested in leaving local friends. I come from a family full of teachers at boarding schools, and a great grandfather who founded a boarding school and I had a wonderful experience at my school, so I know what my kids didnât get.There are definitely pluses and minuses. All that said, I really enjoyed my kidsâ teenage years.</p>
<p>I do think being a five day boarder is a nice compromise if itâs available as an option.</p>
<p>Yes, let us generalize experience at a âspecial needsâ boarding school with the value and experience at an Andover or Exeter. Makes total sense to me.</p>
<p>Bajamm, Louisiana has a similar public boarding school. If either of my kids had wanted to attend, I would have allowed them to apply. They are in an excellent magnet school; if they were in a school with fewer opportunities, I would probably have encouraged them to apply. I know many alumni and a few current parents of the boarding school and most of them speak very highly of it. Certainly for kids from smaller schools and more rural areas it gives them opportunities theyâd never have locally.</p>
<p>Iâm very pro-public-school. And expatSon attended one through his sophomore year. But he has a learning profile that simply wasnât adequately addressed by our local school (which, perversely, is considered among the best in the country - for neurotypical students). The result was a wonderfully intelligent, insightful boy struggling academically and sliding deeper into depression.
[Context: a student who scored 780 in SAT World History, 31 ACT Science & 34 ACT Reading
was earning B, C & D grades.]</p>
<p>As events unfolded, an instructor that our son met at a summer learning skills program was/is also the Learning Skills director at a boarding school. He was perhaps the first educator who understood our sonâs profile and was able to effect positive change.</p>
<p>Long story shorter, expatSon enrolled at this (neurotypical) boarding school, appropriate academic supports were implemented, and heâs made tremendous progress. No silver bullet, but thatâs 'cause there is none. Absent optimal, weâll settle for better.</p>
<p>For most of the people I know who did it, itâs something thatâs done by their family members and those in their social set, so they do the same. </p>
<p>Besides that, Iâve heard of it being done for children when the local schools are in dire straits (my sister, who grew up in rural Alabama, was sent to school in Atlanta) and for children with needs that relatively few schools can meet (my cousin, who is Deaf, attends boarding school). In one interesting case I know, a family with three daughters, two of whom were twins, sent two to a public high school around the corner from home and one of the twin girls to boarding school a plane ride away. The public school was well regarded, even on a national level, and the girls there actually ended up at colleges higher ranked than their more expensively educated sister. Rumor had it that the girl who went to boarding school - who was the less popular of the twins and had been so since preschool - simply couldnât stand being in her twin sisterâs shadow for a moment longer.</p>
<p>Anyway, I think it can be easily argued that the academics at a school like Exeter are better than the best schools parents can find close to home. The athletic and arts programs are also often far above those at nearby schools, and sometimes offer access to rare activities.</p>
<p>However, reports Iâve read suggest that for many students, the boarding school experience doesnât positively impact their college outcomes. While almost everyone at such schools ends up somewhere well-regarded, a middling student at Exeter who goes off to Cornell* often would have been a valedictorian headed to Harvard at a local school. There are kids for whom boarding school can make a huge different in future outcomes, but most of the students have wealthy, well-educated parents and are statistically likely to excel in any educational environment.</p>
<p>People who have themselves been to boarding school usually respond that ending up at Cornell rather than Harvard is hardly awful in the first place, and that the experience - the friendships, the classes - is well worth it. I can hardly argue with that.</p>
<p>*No insult meant to Cornell; I like to pick on it because itâs my motherâs alma mater, whereas my remarks about any other Ivy might seem serious.</p>
<p>Well, of courseâŠteenagers donât always want to be around their parents. But even the most self-sufficient, independent kids NEED their parents if they have previously enjoyed a close relationship with them.</p>
<p>My guessâŠit is more of an East Coast Thing. From what I see out here in the wild wild westâŠâboarding schoolâ is synonymous with âproblem childâ. So I donât âget itâ either.</p>
<p>We commuted our kids for a total of 7 years to HS (one year overlap between D and S). It was 40 minutes each way - when the traffic gods were in a good mood - double that time (and more) if they were peeved. We got so good at coordinating carpool schedules that I think we could be consultants to the DOD and schedule their troop movements. It was crazy at times, and exhausting, but worth every moment. And now, in the rear view mirror, all these road warrior families see the same thingâŠthe commute/carpool was an amazing opportunity to get to know your kid. I couldnât imagine having lost those years with the kids. (H has a humorous story about the day he got a crash course in âfeminine productsâ during a girls carpool ride. They simply forgot he was thereâŠ). </p>
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<p>There were probably a lot of things my kids âdid not wantâ during their adolescentsâŠthey had to just suffer through those horrorsâŠ
of being seen with H and IâŠmaybe even when dropping them at the mallâŠthen againâŠwe have a large therapy fund on reserve for when they need to address these terribly scaring times. </p>
<p>YMMVâŠ</p>
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<p>That was the case with one family I know as well. Also, the parents divorced, both parents left the state theyâd all lived in and sheâd gone to school in. She did wind up at a very prestigious U.</p>
<p>Two sisters in my neighborhood in Harlem growing up went to prestigious boarding schools on full scholarships. Their mom wanted them out of Harlem and away from what she perceived to be negative influences. In one Dâs case that worked, not so much in the otherâs case, she got in as much trouble up there as she did at home.</p>
<p>I wasnât interested in doing it myself (though I did do a couple of months abroad during HS), and I wouldnât consider it for my own kids. We moved to the town we are in mainly because of the quality of the public schools.</p>
<p>Some folks I know feel the same way about boarding colleges, particularly the private ones. I know plenty of well to do families whose kids commuted to local schools, came out with cars paid for, flush with cash, and placed in jobs. Plenty of money for travel and other things. One is a Rhodes Scholar from a local school.</p>
<p>For us, boarding school, boarding college were luxuries we wanted to provide for our children. I think they got a far better high school experience at their private schools than they would have at our excellent public and far better opportunities. Iâve dealt with many public school districts, and they just cannot compare to the amentiies provided, attention given that a top notch private school can offer. Not even close. Especially for my kids who would not have been in the top of the class at out public schools where opportunities are rationed and gatekept. Funny, that to get more of a opportunity to play a sport be in orchestra, take AP courses, get into certain programs is more open to all at the private schoool. The tough part is getting in. The accept rate is about 25% for a highly rated independent school in our area, and even more selective to some. The top boarding schools are highly selective. Then you have to pay for it. </p>
<p>The vast majority of kids at these private schools are not the rich, rich, by the way. Well to do, yes, but not the top of top. Many of these families sacrifice in housing, cars, other things to send their kids to the best schools they can. Yes, there is a percentage, higher than in public of kids from the celebrity, truly wealthy category, but a that does not comprise the main 70% of the schools I have known. </p>
<p>My friendâs DD who went to one of the top boarding school, roomed with two kids from very well known, very wealthy families, but her familly did not make six figures. Grandmom left some money; it all went to the education. FOr my friend, worth every penny as her DD had a top of the line education, has personal connections with some people she would have had little chance of meeting otherwise, and at age 30 is making well into 6 figures herself at a top law firm after graduating from a top college and top law school. She made the most of her advantages. I think she would have done well at her excellent public school, but she was never at the very top of her class throughout eleme and middle school, nor at her boarding school. But summa cum laude in college and Law Review at law school. Her peers who were considered top guns from early years have not touched her in accomplishments. Her parents feel it was money and time well spent. She concurs. Loved her years at BS.</p>
<p>D2 started boarding school as a junior this fall, and couldnât be happier. Home district was academically strong but socially a poor fit. Private day school would be a logistical nightmare as I am a solo parent who works more than full time. The school is 45 minutes away, so I can drive down and take her out to dinner or see her on the weekend. She is in smaller classes and loves her teachers, loves the theater program, and is connecting with like minded students. She goes to an academically strong Quaker school, not one of the acronym schools (yes, there are acronyms for BS a la HYPSM such as HADES and GLADCHEMMS). Her roommate is from Turkey, sheâs met kids from all walks of life. Iâm not aware of particularly wealthy or connected students, but doubt sheâd be aware if they were. Works for usâŠ</p>
<p>My West Coast daughter went to boarding school. It was her first choice between a private school in our city and a merit based public high ranked public. It was a sacrifice I made because I thought it was the best opportunity for her.</p>
<p>As far as money goes, because of her grades and test scores she was given a large scholarship at both the boarding and non boarding private so cost wasnât a factor for us.</p>
<p>I wanted her to be able to draw on a variety of mentors and role models and the boarding school, where most of the teachers and their families lived in houses on campus, did fulfill that promise fully. Although I wanted her to be able to get other perspectives than my own, I do not feel that other people were raising her. First she was her own person already. And we were still in very close touch. Aside from summers, boarding schools give very long breaks for holidays and frequent long weekends. She would sometimes bringing a friend home, and I visited on weekends here and there. With phones and email I always felt pretty up to date with what was happening. I do feel our time together was quality time. I did miss the daily contact severely but that was my sacrifice.</p>
<p>Where we lived, she would have spent a great deal of time commuting on a city bus to her other choices. At the boarding school, she would just walk a few minutes to her afternoon sports and activities. I liked the idea of all the activity that could be done more easily with everything at hand. She was able to be involved in many things in depth. In the evenings all students are in study hours together with a teacher available to talk to and she didnât have to juggle home distractions with school.</p>
<p>I really liked the quiet confidence of the upper class students when we visited, the idyllic life, the honor code, the great academics, the variety of extracurriculars. The traditions, the camping trips, the formal dinner nights, the Sunday talk given by teachers, guests, former students, seniors.</p>
<p>Learning to live in a dorm, manage some things on your own, those study hour habits, certainly made for a seamless transition to colleges.</p>
<p>She stayed in touch with old friends during visits. She still does. At 25 she has old friends from home, boarding school friends and colleges friends added to her circle.</p>
<p>Yes she did find that extra special extracurricular that gave her application a wow factor, was able to do several varsity sports, had great letters of rec, and amazing college choices. (Btw her best friend from jr high went to the Public merit school and was accepted to the same school dd accepted to EA - Chicago.)</p>
<p>Appreciate the perspective from actual BS parents. Thank you.</p>
<p>I have to second what Periwinkle saidâif you want the real scoop, spend some time on the Prep School Parents forum. Thanks to the BS parents who have posted their experiences above to help dispel some of the misinformation here. As a third-year prep school parent, Iâll try to address some of the issues that have been discussed:</p>
<p>Children are âsent awayâ: As a couple of people have pointed out, if you slide over to the Prep School Admissions forum right now, you can listen to the excited chatter of all the kids who have just finished their applications for this round of admissions and are eagerly crossing the days off their calendars until March 10th when decisions come out. They are not being sent away; they are eager for the privilege of BS and have opted to apply. In the three years I have been active on the prep school forum, I have never encountered a single post from a child who was âsent away.â Perhaps there are some, perhaps they donât hang on CC, perhaps they go to schools not well-represented on CC. Our child chose to research all of the challenging high school programs of interest to him, including those far from home (his school is a four-hour plane ride away from the wild west where we live). He decided to apply to boarding school. We looked into the schools he was interested in (they were all amazing), and told him that if he could get in, he could go. We miss him terribly every day, but he is having the ride of his life and wouldnât choose to come home for anything on earth.</p>
<p>BS is for troubled kids/troubled homes: There are roughly 300 boarding schools in the U.S. covering a lot of ground from military schools to therapeutic schools for kids with special needs to highly challenging academic schools for high achievers. [Boarding</a> School Review](<a href=âhttp://www.boardingschoolreview.com%5DBoardingâ>www.boardingschoolreview.com) is a good place to check out the range of schools, what they offer, how they compare. The schools the kids on the Prep School Admissions board are dying to attend are not good places for troubled kids from troubled situations. Iâm not sure where those kids end up, but they arenât populating the highly selective, highly academic schools.</p>
<p>BS is for the uber wealthy: Boarding schools are expensive but, these days, most appear to be using their endowments to make their amazing campuses and curriculums available to more students. Most of the schools represented on the forum have around a 70/30 split between full-pay and those on financial aid. At our sonâs school, a portion of the endowment is set aside for a âBeyond the Classroomâ fund to ensure that students, regardless of whether or not they receive FA, are able to fully participate in the life of the school. Yes, there are kids from wealthy families, but they donât stand out and no one is really aware of who is on FA or not.</p>
<p>Parents send their kids to BS to increase their chances of admission to HYPSM: This is sometimes true and is unfortunate as no BS will or can guarantee matriculation to those (or any other) colleges, and are quite up front on this point. Yet misguided parents persist in believing otherwise and continue to face disappointment. The saddest tale Iâve ever heard on CC is being discussed right now [thread=1606092]Kid wants to stay, Parents want to bring her back[/thread]. If you send your child to BS, especially the most selective boarding schools, solely for HYPSM admission, you are missing the point. The purpose of BS is to provide a stellar high school education and wonderful preparation for any college with the understanding that there are MANY great colleges in the U.S. and abroad. If you look at the matriculation stats for any of the selective and even less selective academic boarding schools, you will see that the kids all go on to great schools, but parents need to lose their acronym myopia.</p>
<p>To the many posters who indicate how they could never lose their kids so soon or miss their âformativeâ years (What? The toddler years arenât formative? The tween years arenât formative? The college years arenât formative? Heck, Iâm still in my formative years.), there isnât a BS parent who doesnât miss his/her child painfully every day, but BS is not about us, itâs about them. They are getting amazing classroom and independent living experiences that cannot be duplicated at home â otherwise, they would have stayed home. Boarding school means a lot of family sacrifice, financially and emotionally, mostly on the parent end, but very few kids come through it with regrets. Most will say that their boarding school years trump their college years and that the friendship bonds and experiences they had at BS were the most âformativeâ of their lives.</p>
<p>Certainly, boarding school is not for every kid or every family but, for those who do choose it and who thrive there, the experience is unmatched.</p>
<p>@ ChoatieMom, ssshhhhhhh!!! Youâre letting the secret out about how great these schools are, and making it harder for my younger S to get admitted. </p>
<p>I asked presently enrolled older S if he would want his children to also go to boarding school. He answered w an enthusiastic, âheck yeah!!!â While the boarding tuition & fees at S1âs school is $50k/yr, the school spends more than $80k per student. You can only imagine the opportunities $80k/year can presentâŠ</p>
<p>NY Times article about what Phillips Exeter does w its billion dollar endowment:
<a href=âAt Elite Prep Schools, College-Size Endowments - The New York Timesâ>At Elite Prep Schools, College-Size Endowments - The New York Times;
<p>Glad to see from familiar names from the Prep school Parent forum giving a bit of reality to the conversation. I admit to having had the best of both worlds, my DDs were day students at an acronym BS. Being day students meant they got home around 10 pm every night after class, sports, activities and study hall. Friday and Saturday night were generally spent on the floor of someoneâs room, and of course rehearsals, games and activities. So we did not see them much, even though they technically lived at home.</p>
<p>They had at their fingertips some of the most amazing resources and teachers. The science and arts facilities at their BS were better than many colleges. Speakers and programs usually only available to colleges. Their classrooms never had more than 12 kids and everyone of those kids came prepared for class, engaged in the subject and participating in the discussion. The teachers had direct personal relationships with the kids, helping out with study sessions or by email late into the night. When my college DD got an internship at the State Department for the summer, one of the first people she told was her HS history teacher. It is a fabulous thing for a teenager to have so many caring, involved adults in their lives beyond their parents. </p>
<p>My D1 would have gotten into the same colleges from her LPS. However, my D2 wrote in her college essay that her BS saved her academic life. She was a an excellent student with no effort. She did not know how to study, because she did not have to. BS changed all that. She was challenged to the point that she had to work hard, learned time management, and learned to love learning. Never would have happened at her LPS.</p>
<p>You cannot graduate from one of the academic preps without the strong academic and time management skills to handle a college workload. The experience also teaches early the independence, self-discipline and ability to advocate for themselves that helps these kids succeed in college and in life. The alumni networks are stronger than many colleges, and yes they do get to rub elbows with kids from wealthy, famous and powerful families. For my kids that was a different kind of diversity, one they never would likely have experienced otherwise.</p>
<p>I was a PS kid and never would have thought to âsend awayâ my kids to BS, and it is true that it is difficult for those who have not been exposed to it to understand. But my DDs and their friends all have very close and caring relationships with their parents, some maybe better for not carrying some of the battle scars of teenage battles over car use and curfews. A prep BS is also not for every kid, really just for those that have the academic drive and the level of independence to thrive in an immersive experience that cannot be created by a school where kids only spend a few hours a day. As GMTplus7 points out there is plenty of interest and competition already, so no need to throw in if it is not right for your kid and your family. My DDâs school had a 13% acceptance rate last year. Lower than their highly selective college.</p>
<p>My younger son has a very good friend who goes to boarding school. It is a family tradition on his motherâs side. S2 sees him every time he comes home and he seems very happy there. This kid is an absolute delight, as are his parents, and I canât imagine why they would not want to cherish these years with him at home, but it seems to be working for them.
I did know one girl growing up who was âsent away.â She was a caboose kid in a large family and got into some trouble her sophomore year in high school. I always assumed that her parents were just sick of fooling with kids and had the wherewithal to make the problem literally go away, but as an adult I think maybe they were trying to save her from herself. Sheâs has been highly successful as an adult, though.</p>
<p>I went to a top academic BS on full financial aid because my local public was so poor it was losing its certification. There were a lot of ways to get into trouble away from home and some students tried them all. </p>
<p>I do regret missing those years with my family. They are important, for relationships and learning to cook and being around caring adults and role models. </p>
<p>I would need a very, very strong reason to make that choice for my own children.</p>
<p>" but BS is not about us, itâs about them"</p>
<p>I agree with ChoatieMom about the quote above. My son, who is a freshman at an Ivy League school went to our local public school. While I wouldnât say that he was challenged at a very high level academically, he had plenty of time to pursue his passions through his ECs and loved his HS experience. As he was the 1st person from his school to be admitted to this Ivy League school in years and loves his university, you definitely canât argue with the results. </p>
<p>My daughter, who is in 7th grade, came to me several months ago and said that she wanted to go to BS. What I knew at that time about BS could have fit in a thimble. My first response was NO WAY. I am already having a very difficult time adjusting to not having my son at home. BTW- There is absolutely nothing wrong with the relationship between my daughter and me. I would even say that for a child of 13, we are close. We spend time together and she still sits with me on the couch every day and we read together. </p>
<p>Having done some research about BS and thinking hard about her request, I have decided to let her apply. Could I have said no? Absolutely. However, this is not about the path that I want her to walk in life, but about the path that my daughter wants to walk. I have always tried to support my children in their goals. I have raised my kids to be independent thinkers and âdoersâ. My daughter is a driven and focused child. From a very young age, she has always set goals and then figured out a way to achieve those goals. In addition, she is very competitive academically. I think that she would thrive in a boarding school environment. So, I will support this process/decision, just as I have supported my children throughout their lives. Who knows? In the off chance she is accepted, I may end up living on the East Coast! :)</p>