<p>Really, druce, there’s not going to be much patience for ■■■■■-like comments. If you;re savvy enough to follow, there have been some great shifts in opinion (or at least consideration for different perspectives.) And that is always good in threads. </p>
<p>All the sports strategy from me never sunk in, btw. Fortunately, much of the academic advice did. But we all enjoyed the years of team sports they played. </p>
<p>I’m sure you’re a lovely person IRL, theGFG, and I mean that sincerely. But really - that level of knowledge of other kids, whether it’s their athletic running times or their GPA’s / SAT’s / academic performance, is really off-putting to me personally, and I might have the same internal reaction that the other mothers apparently had. I’ve always counseled my kids to pay attention to their own “game” (so to speak) and not worry about others’ performance, whether it’s in athletics, EC’s or the classroom. I just don’t think much good comes from it. But, if it works for you and your kids, hey, more power to you. </p>
<p>“Either way, it shouldn’t really be threatening to anyone what a parents knows or doesn’t know about other kids’ times. It doesn’t sprinkle magic dust on one athlete and jinx another, and the information is available to everyone who choses to find it so there is no unfair advantage.”</p>
<p>To me, it’s not so much threatening as it is that my natural tendency is to think - not your business. It’s not “threatening” to me if you were to know how much I made, what my house cost, what I paid for my latest vacation, etc. - it doesn’t change anything (my boss isn’t going to pay me any less, my taxes aren’t going to change) but I still feel a little bit invaded if you were to know that - or more importantly, make public commentary about it. </p>
<p>In other words, if you were my neighbor, nothing would prevent you from going on Zillow and finding out that my house was worth $X, but I’d feel a little bothered if you said so in public or made me aware that you knew. </p>
<p>" Most parents don’t time their kids, have no clue whatsoever what’s a fast time for their child, or even what’s a fast time in general for a 400m. or 3200m. race. When they learn the time from John, they’ll laugh and say, “He ran a .49. Is that good?” Furthermore, they believe their lack of knowledge means they’re cool, relaxed parents."</p>
<p>I don’t think it makes me a cool, relaxed parent if I didn’t know my child’s sport records. It just felt that knowing those things made me feel like I was trying to hone in or co-own something that was hers to own. Much like at the same point in high school, I didn’t know what she got on every test, either. She needed to own that for her growth and development, not feel like mom was monitoring whether she got an A or a B in Spanish class. </p>
<p>I haven’t read all 63 pages of this thread. Our kids were not particularly strong in sports. We did require them to play a sport a year at school. DS chose tennis for two years, and then did ski club for two. No timing, no records. Just went and participated. DD was on the swim team. She was not a starter. She did, however, get to swim at most meets, although not really as a contender. She knew her own best times, and so did her fabulous coach. We were just along for the ride. If she beat her own best time, she was thrilled. We were just happy she was on the team.</p>
<p>And just for the record…I do not think I’m a crazy parent.</p>
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<p>The difference, of course, is that athletic competitors or music performers make themselves the person in the arena (to make Roosevelt’s observation universal) and necessarily endure some public scrutiny, fair or not. I think most HS students get to the point where they’re reasonably comfortable with that, and I hope they don’t take it poorly when I compliment them on a good race and ask whether it was a PR. </p>
<p>BTW, you forgot the “bless your heart” after that first sentence. </p>
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<p>– Theodore Roosevelt (1910)</p>
<p>I like the Theodore Roosevelt quote. But, I’m with @Pizzagirl on the comments about other kids’ stats. I feel like my kid is also out there to have fun, and doesn’t need another parent following her times. Just puts an extra layer of pressure on that she doesn’t need. On the other hand, I just checked with DH on this, and he’s more aligned with the CFG. I think, while the other parents might be aware of a kids’ stats, I would prefer they not bring it up to me – or my kid.Oh, well. </p>
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<p>Your first sentence proved your last sentence.
LOL.</p>
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<p>But in this case it is not about what the kid needs.
I would think that in most cases of HS sports, the kid is representing the school, not themselves. And in many cases, may be part of a team. So that extra layer of pressure comes with territory, especially in any varsity sport or any competition in which D1 level people are competing.</p>
<p>The kids who are just “there to have fun” tend not to be the ones whose times anyone cares about. For the most part, if you don’t have a fire in your belly to compete, you won’t be the sort of athlete who produces a note-worthy performance. Just sayin’. I don’t care one whit whether Sally runs 6:10 or 6:50 for the mile. But it she starts running 5:10 or 4:50, then I’d notice. </p>
<p>Again, your analogies are off, PG. These are public sporting events with spectators sitting in the stands, and often announcers listing the medalists and their times. There are also newspaper articles that highlight the top performances, as well as websites. </p>
<p>The parents are the least of a varsity athletes’ concerns. If you have ever had the misfortune of standing within earshot of the locker room after a varsity ice hockey game that the coach thought they should have won, then you know what I mean. Very hard for a parent to hear. I have often wanted to confront these coaches but my H says “if S can’t take the heat he will get out of the kitchen.” After all these years I have come to understand he is right. True competitive athletes don’t really care about criticism, not from the parents or even the coaches. They just want to play. They can process the losses and screw ups.</p>
<p>We took my son and a few team mates out for pizza and pinball after an unexpected loss and a brutal dressing down from the coach, directed at my S and a few of the other better players. After dinner they were relaxed and the conversation turned to the criticism by the coach of their performance. One of the boys said “yeah I’d like to see him get his fat ass out there on the ice.” We roared with laughter. Funny thing is they love the coach and they just take it all in stride. At the end of the day they just want to play the game.</p>
<p>When other kids are competing with your kid on something like a relay team it seems natural to know what their times are. At the casual swim meets we go to, parents will pay money for heat sheets which list everyone’s races and seed time. Your kid is in just a few races, and you don’t need a heat sheet to keep track of that. If you want to know who else’s kids are racing and what their times are, then you do. The heat sheets usually sell out. And this is just a local league, not anything fancy.</p>
<p>“The kids who are just “there to have fun” tend not to be the ones whose times anyone cares about. For the most part, if you don’t have a fire in your belly to compete, you won’t be the sort of athlete who produces a note-worthy performance.”</p>
<p>Shrug. Oh well. Yes, heaven forbid they all go out there and have fun. That just wouldn’t do! </p>
<p>The most outstanding coaches we have known had a skill for being competitive AND making sure the whole team had fun. I think our swim team and track team coaches did this very well. Everyone was included…no cuts…and yes, that meant they had a large group. But their philosophy was that if a kid was willing to put in the practice time, the kid should get to be in the team regardless of how terrific or not the kid was. </p>
<p>My 100 pound kid threw the shot put. Seriously, it was not her strength. But she never missed a practice. On the swim team, she swam the same number of laps as the starters. She also was a great organizers, and jpknew the timing regimen inside and out. She never won or placed in a swim meet but she swam in them all.</p>
<p>The coaches were an inclusive group. Very special.</p>
<p>If you’re on a team that’scompetitive, and has mostly kids who want to win, then it really doesn’t do to just have fun. For many kids, losing is not fun.</p>
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<p>No different from just taking a test or the SAT for the fun of it.</p>
<p>Some people like to perform well, others don’t. </p>
<p>I don’t get the anti-accomplishment attitude people have here when someone wants to actually do well with something they care about.</p>
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<p>I go the opposite way on this. Plenty of folks notice the stars. I try to make a point of noticing when Sally dropped a ten second PR – particularly if her own folks aren’t there to watch a meet at 3:30 on a Tuesday. Heck, I stay out about 800 meters from the finish at most XC races and don’t watch my own kid finish so I can encourage the freshmen back in the pack. Some of those kids will eventually get the running bug, train like hell over the summer, and grow into your senior captains. And the rest at least may learn to enjoy a lifetime sport and the sense of satisfaction one gets from improving at it. </p>
<p>News flash: you can have fun AND be competitive in athletics. Why the assumption the two are mutually exclusive? You can train hard and enjoy training hard, just like you can study hard and still enjoy learning. And doing well is fun.</p>
<p>I criticize no one and cheer on everyone, no matter how fast. While I do notice if a non-star has had a particularly good race, I no longer comment specifically to the parent, because that is when they think I’m crazy. After all, I would have to have known how well she normally does in order to know if she has done better, and they themselves don’t even know what their own kids runs, so I’m crazy if I happen to know.</p>
<p>Sure you can have fun and be competitive in sports.</p>
<p>But my kids think there is nothing more fun than winning.</p>
<p>Crazy parent that I am, I pat them on the back.</p>
<p>We’re all crazy for arguing- but I don’t think anyone here is the sort of extreme nut case we occasionally hear about in the media. Maybe we go with Three Bears regarding engagement: not to much, not too little, just right. And that depends on the individual kid, the team, the competition. Sounds to me, that’s just what many parents here are saying. </p>
<p>I know this thread is about kids- but we’re on CC getting to know each other’s business- it does seem sort of futile to suggest people IRL don’t also get to know about each other and various details- especially in sports, which is SO public. </p>