Why I Quit My College Fraternity

<p>“Much like that Georgia Tech letter or the Hobart incident, the most predatory of these houses have ritualized their targeting of the susceptible and the naive, overwhelming them with attention and sweetened vodka drinks.”</p>

<p>I shudder to say this, because I don’t wish to blame the victim in the Hobart story, and I don’t care if she stood in the middle of the party completely naked, no one had the right to touch her in ways she didn’t desire - but when I read the NYT story this weekend, I kind of shuddered, because that’s not the best example – she did make the choice to drink a large amount that evening. That excuses NOTHING, and it’s not her fault, but it doesn’t make her case the best poster child case IMO. </p>

<p>Interesting PG, because I thought the fact that she was gang raped made her a pretty good poster child. Drunk or not it’s hard to imagine consent to that, nevermind consenting to a bunch of guys standing around taking photos of it.</p>

<p>Of course it’s hard to imagine consent, and of course it’s absolutely awful. I’m not disagreeing with that in the least, for heaven’s sake. </p>

<p>The details of the Hobart case are OT, but after reading the NYT, can anyone claim with any certainty at this point that she was “gang-raped?” </p>

<p>Rape kit said multiple partners so I suppose that could have been consensual. When her friend found her she was in “the barn” having sex with one guy on a pool table while others looked on. She says she doesn’t remember that part but does remember being raped by 3 men. So no, not with certainty.</p>

<p>Here we go again</p>

<p>This is why prosecutors have a problem. It’s not always a conspiracy, although I agree the schools have an incentive to protect athletes. Police, however, have no such motivation. </p>

<p>Part of the problem is that drunk or drugged victims may not report crimes promptly to the police (the real police, as opposed to non-police campus safety departments), or may not remember enough to give a coherent description of the incident and suspect(s) to the police, or give a credible statement in court.</p>

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I think it’s a much bigger problem that so many campuses have fraternities that have this reputation. (By the way, I have to note, again, that nobody has mentioned calling any individual man “rapey.” That’s your effort to equate it to “slutty.” College women understand exactly what is meant when a frat is described as “rapey,” even if you don’t.)</p>

<p>Ok, so when someone refers to a fraternity as “rapey,” they are not describing the individual members? Who are they describing then?</p>

<p>Well, I’ve heard rapey used to describe people, places, and things. A rapey looking bus stop, for example. It has become a real word. Regarding frats I think they are describing the reputation and culture.</p>

<p>They are describing the atmosphere of the fraternity, and its general attitude and approach. Are you just pretending not to understand this? How many times does it have to be explained to you? It means the frat where guys ply girls with alcohol in order to hook up with them. For example, it may be that Phi Kappa Tau at Georgia Tech is one of these: <a href=“Georgia Tech Frat Email About 'Luring Your Rapebait' Condemned By Everyone | HuffPost College”>HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost;
Maybe the guy was just joking.
More details about those particular jolly fellows: <a href=“Infamous 'Rapebait' Frat Disbanded for Being Entirely Too Rapey”>http://jezebel.com/infamous-rapebait-frat-disbanded-for-being-entirely-t-1558252895&lt;/a&gt;
Is it OK if we call that particular chapter “rapey?”</p>

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<p>Ok, well I still do not see how calling this fraternity “rapey” is appropriate. Maybe you can explain to me why it is, since I am apparently dense.</p>

<p>Once a fraternity has a acquired a “rapey” reputation, is there a name for women who choose to go there, too?</p>

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Yeah, they’re called first-semester freshmen.</p>

<p>Bay, I honestly don’t think I can explain it any more clearly than I already have. But read the links in #151. A rapey fraternity is one that harbors people with the attitude depicted by their own words.</p>

<p>You mean, words like these?
<a href=“■■■■■ Bitches Get Leid," the Sleazy Frat Emails of Snapchat's CEO”>http://valleywag.gawker.com/■■■■-bitches-get-leid-the-sleazy-frat-emails-of-snap-1582604137&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Yes, I read the links. I find the Jezebel publication to be offensive in itself, so I generally do not read anything they publish.</p>

<p>The guy’s letter looks like macho puffery to me, and his salutation is highly offensive.</p>

<p>The idea of serving alcohol in hopes of encouraging physicality is as old as history. I have a hard time getting worked up about that, or calling men “rapey” because they think about it or even try it. The idea is simply not offensive to me, I guess.</p>

<p>One thing that was notable about the Georgia Tech case was that when they finally wanted to shut the fraternity down, they discovered that underage drinking was going on there, and used that as the basis for the punishment. So, apparently, until they did a full investigation they had no idea that underage drinking was going on at fraternities…</p>

<p>Well, if there are girls who find the idea inoffensive, they are always welcome to head on over to those houses with you Bay. In the meantime, girls find it a useful way to describe in one word the exact places and situations most of us want our daughters to avoid, and many might want their sons to avoid joining, as well. </p>

<p>Unfortunately, most young women know exactly what rapey means. </p>

<p>Uttering a word because it is “useful” does not make it right. “Rapey” is an offensive, insulting term, no matter how convenient it is to use. I’m surprised that adults (especially women) would perpetuate its use.</p>

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<p>It is probably more like the situation where they generally do not care about violations of a commonly disobeyed rule, but use it as a club against those whom they want to investigate or punish for other reasons.</p>