will domeone please rate my essay ? last time taking sat..really need help

Prompt ? Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority ?

It is very important to question the decisions of people in position of authority because doing so will bring about better changes and ideas. Several examples from literary works and historical events clearly demonstrated this questioning decisions of people in position of authority is crucial.

The first case where questioning ideas of people in authority bring about better ideas if in the Buklo war in 1894, in Thailand. Kind Rama the third decided to attack Burmha on the night of the full moon however, several nobles and general questions his decision to do so as they believe the Thai soldiers would all be exhausted from the water festival a few day prior to the schedule attack. Because of this, the king postponded the attack to a futhur date where the Thai army won and was able to take over the capital of Burmha.

In a classic literary work, The White Forest, the leader of the Nagawi tribe decided to raise the cost of tea as he believes it will make tea more popular and demanding to the people. However, many workers and tea producers question his decision as they believe the new change will have a negative impact on the popularity of tea. After close evaluation, the leader decided to bring the price of tea down to its original price which promotes the sales of tea even more than when the prices were increased. The action of the people to question the king’s decision prove to bring about better change to the society.

In 1974, King Nagatoya decide he would send in a gift to the leader of Singapore. He decided to send in a painting of a Japanese women watching over Singapore. Many nobles think the gift would be inappropriate however, none of them question the King’s decision in fear of his power. The gift offended the leader and citizen of Singapore causing conflicts between the two countries for years to come. If the nobles were to question the king’s decision, such event would not have happened proving that it is of high importance to question ideas and decisions of people in authority.

After careful evaluation of Buklao war, the White Jungle and the incident of 1974, it is clear that questioning ideas and decisions of people in authority is crucial and will bring about better changes in the world. Blindly following orders of people in authority proves to bring about chaos and problems.

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I would work on your conclusion a bit. Also there are several grammatical errors (i.e. “In 1974, King Nagatoya decide he would . . .”.

Yep…i spotted those when I typed it down but I didn’t correct them as I wanted my score evaluation to be as close to the real thing as possible. Thank you for your tips…how would you score it out of 12?

9/12.

I say 9/12, as one grader might be more lenient with your grammar mistakes and awkward sentences and give you a 5 while the other might be unforgiving and hand you a 4. Your examples are great, but some sentences are awkward.

“Several examples from literary works and historical events clearly [demonstrated this questioning decisions of people in position of authority is crucial.]” That boxed part isn’t grammatical. It should be present tense “demonstrate”, and maybe you meant to write “that” instead of “this”.

You’re on a track to seriously doing well on the essay. I’d tell you to watch the construction of your sentences and give yourself 2-3 minutes before the 25 minute mark to quickly read over your essay and watch for errors. Keep practicing every day! Good luck!

Thank you very much for the tips. I’ll definitely keep practicing :slight_smile: