<p>My son discussed playing time with the HS varsity baseball coach after his sophmore year. Based on what the chach said, he decided not to play his junior year (and ride the bench). The coach emailed me asking why my son was not playing and telling me he probably would not catch up as a senior.</p>
<p>He made the varsity as a senior eventually earning a starting position and hitting in the middle of the lineup. He disliked sitting on the bench in any sport. I was like that at his age.</p>
<p>^^^So true. My son3 is a two season athlete. He’s a first stringer at one sport and a bench warmer at the other. He loves both and is happy at both sports, but it is alot more fun sitting on the sides “basking” in the glory of your kid and getting backpats from the parents when he’s playing and the announcer is saying “your” name. I dunno, the intellectual side of me says that’s stupid, but my heart just knows that is what being a parent is all about – you do “feel” the good and the not so good…</p>
<p>Some sports create prima donnas and crash dummies. Basketball and volleyball especially. The crash dummies never really get to practice plays or develop as players on most teams. If the coach can’t answer “What is it you need to see from me in order for me to get more playing time?” in a meaningful way. Well, that’s your answer. If you like the exercise- keep on going; but don’t expect to play.</p>
<p>Be prepared to support him no matter what the outcome of his interactions with the coach. Unfortunately, many high school sports coaches (particularly JV) don’t really have a clue on what they are doing whether it be in the sport or just dealing/communicating with the athletes. It may be that the coach just doesn’t have a good feeling for your son. In club sports or the working world, if you have friction with your coach/boss you find another coach or job. In high school sports, you are pretty much stuck with whoever is getting the coaching stipend. I have seen it over and over at my kids HS. The coach picks their favorites and severely limits or eliminates everyone elses playing time. Year after year, good athletes quit the team sports because of the arbitrary nature of the coaches. Too bad they don’t recognize the damage they are doing to the kids and to the team. Last fall, one coach looked like he turned over a new leaf and had a good rotation of subs, in fact, the subs came in and scored more than the starters. Season ended, playoffs started and coach went back to old methods of playing favorites and got beat by an inferior team. Coaches are imperfect people and we need to help our kids understand they will meet all kinds of imperfect people. It is how they deal with the situation and keep their own standards and values that makes the true measure of your son. I wish him the very best as I have seen this situation far too often including a time or two with my own children.</p>
<p>“My S is a HS sophomore and his life’s passion is basketball. He is 3rd string on his JV team.” </p>
<p>Most sophs who are third string on the JV basketball team don’t get to choose to be on the team or not as juniors.</p>
<p>Thank you all for the replies! I am trying to remember all that each of you said but let me try and generalize:
S definitely isn’t ok with this situation. He initially came home upset after each practice but he has learned to deal with it and I am proud of how he handled the stuggle. I don’t think he is having a real team experience. After one game some friends asked how the team did and S replied “they won” they said so you lost, he corrected them “they won” meant his team won, he just didn’t feel that he could claim any part of that victory. He has been on many teams and is still on a club team, at times he has been a starter others he’s gotten less time then he wanted but this year he is relegated to virtually no time. Early in the season we spoke to him about talking to his coach but he would not. In prior years he had no problem talking to his coach’s but I think he feels so minimized that this is really difficult for him. After a recent game where the team played poorly, several 1st string players were out due to injuries,and he was the only kid on the bench who got no playing time. It is clear that the coach has no intention of playing him at all. I suggested that he talk to the coach and tell him that he thought he really could have helped the team,(based on the dynamics of this game and his skill set, I believe he could have.) He said he wouldn’t. His concern was that the coach might then put him in and he might not do well. At this point in this season I am fine with him taking the bench role and he is dealing with it too. I know it isn’t what he wants next year but he may stick with the sport in hopes of having a real role next year. He won’t be happy in this role as a junior. I would be happy if I thought he was even if he was a benchwarmer. I know there are other classes he would love to take but doesn’t have room for because of basketball and I am concerned about him missing out on opportunities and being in a situation that seems to deminish his self esteem. </p>
<p>I am definitely supportive of him talking to his coach. What I don’t think I can support is him taking basketball class next year if neither he nor I speak to the coach. </p>
<p>BBall camps, summer leagues and individual coach are all great suggestions and things we may pursue this summer. He, may have a once in a lifetime opportunity this summer and if it works out it will trump bball. I will say that last summer he did some of each of those things,worked incredibly hard, improved his skills dramatially but…</p>
<p>Thank you for the suggestions about how to approach the coach. Thanks for the phrasing, “what can I do to improve my performance over the summer”, and for the suggestion to read the coach’s reply and understand that will little reply there is probably little he can do. </p>
<p>I appreciate hearing about the kids who chose to stick with it and got a lot out of it as well as those who decided to quit. </p>
<p>What I’m really interested in hearing more of are suggestions regarding how to approach the coach, since this seems to be the thing that my son is having the greatest difficulty figuring out how to do. Somehow he thinks he can somehow say something that will make his situation worse.</p>
<p>I wonder if your son world be more comfortable sending coach an email for starters.</p>
<p>Spectrum2</p>
<p>If your son is the last player on the JV bench this year, he likely doesn’t even make the team next year. You need to be prepared for this. Your son’s not wanting to talk to the coach may be because he knows what the coach is going to say and doesn’t want to hear it.</p>
<p>Nevertheless he needs to talk to the coach NOW asking what he can do to improve his position on the team going forward. If the answer comes back “nothing” - so be it. At least then he would know to focus on his club team if wants to keep playing.</p>
<p>Odyssey Tigger: Let me clarify. He isn’t certain to make the team, but he will be invited to take the basketball class. If he wants to be on the team he pretty much has to take the class, if he takes the class he foregoes other class options. If he takes the class he may make the team, he may make it as a bench warmer, or he may not make it at all. In anycase he has given up the chance to take other classes would like. The only of those 3 options that he would be happy with is making the team and getting some play time.</p>
<p>Would you support his not taking the basketball class?</p>
<p>MY S has been in similar situations at his very large private school. His school is known for sports and is always very competitive. At S’s old private school he would have made at least 2 teams (fball and bball, maybe baseball), at his current school he made the freshman bball team and the freshman, sophmore and jv football team. He would have loved to make the Varsity bball team this year (jrs can’t play jv) but was cut. So he plays rec ball in town and aau ball. He will try out again next year. </p>
<p>In his freshman year he missed a few football practices in Sept due to illness and was moved from the 1st string to the 3rd string for the rest of the season. I did not understand it and figure it was because of those 2 missed practices. We told S to talk to one of his coaches, but coach really just had nothing constructive to tell him. </p>
<p>I would have your S find other outlets to play, like AAU and use that time to improve his game. Good summer camps are another place to hone skills. We always told our S that if nothing else he is getting a good workout at practice 6 days a week.</p>
<p>You Don’t Say: Yes I would. The thing is that he will almost certainly not be on the team if he doesn’t take the class. Giving up the possiblity of being a participating member of the team is a difficult dream to let go of. That’s why I think he needs to make a choice based on the vibe he gets after speaking with the coach.</p>
<p>Which is why he needs to speak to his coach NOW.</p>
<p>Odyessey Tigger: “Nevertheless he needs to talk to the coach NOW asking what he can do to improve his position on the team going forward. If the answer comes back “nothing” - so be it. At least then he would know to focus on his club team if wants to keep playing” </p>
<p>I understand what you are saying, I just don’t understand why you find it so urgent that he have this conversation now rather than in a few weeks after the season ends.</p>
<p>Actually, while there is definitely the possiblility that he won’t make the team and he knows it, the chances of him making it are improved by the fact than many of the Sophs will make Varsity since most of the Varsity members this year are seniors.</p>
<p>What, pray tell, is a basketball class? Do they just learn X’s and O’s or is it skill based? I am confused by the class component. So I ask… is this a championship program at your school? I just don’t see how you convince a community that one of their slots of academic time be devoted to athletics. And I say this as a very active supporter of athletics, but I don’t think I would have liked my son having to choose between that and econ or Euro History or any other academic elective, especially with what collges are expecting on a high school transcript. </p>
<p>I understand the hesitation as a sophomore to not want to make what he considers a bad situation worse, but seriously… how much worse can it be? How does he feel it goes in practice? OR is this a coach that also seems to bench kids during practice only letting the “real” players get intensive practice time. However, to say nothing is often times akin to saying, “i am not bothered by my situation.” </p>
<p>I might agree with the email entry to the conversation. A short note saying, Hey coach, I was wondering if you might have time after practice one day this week so I could talk to you. Thanks for letting me know when might be a good day. Timmy.</p>
<p>You could also practice a simple conversation, because I can tell you that once he opens the door, it is a rare coach that won’t be able to talk. Just saying… they tend to be verbose.</p>
<p>I agree with most of the posts here. Most importantly he NEEDS to talk to the coach and do it now during the season. Two reasons for this. One, based on what the coach tells him it will allow him to start working on those things now, on his own, after school and weekends, etc. And two, part of the key aspects of being in a sport is learning how to communicate with your coach. It is a life skill that will help him down the road with teachers, professors, bosses and so on. It’s hard for a teen to do this but it’s part of the growing up process.<br>
Also, I strongly support the suggestions he get a personal trainer and go to basketball camps. This will improve his game and when he gets results he will see the personal satisfaction of his extra work. Good luck.</p>
<p>I thought that “class time component” was interesting…never really heard of anything like that however, our school has a phys-ed class that is open only to Freshman/JV/varsity athletes every semester. The more academic athletes don’t sign up for it and hit the gym after school because they don’t want to give-up a class time for it, hence my comment about the coaches ■■■■■■■■ the gyms during off season. OP are you “sure” the b-ball class is mandatory? And by the way, I still think your son has to do the talking, not the parents. He’s also right at that age where size, speed, physical strength and fire in the belly make a gigantic difference between who makes the cut no matter a small high school, gigantic high school or parochial school or private school. Can you stand back and objectively say your son is varsity material?</p>
<p>Modadunn and MomofThree: In this part of the country athletics classes are as common as band and art, and more competitive. Participating in the class is not a written requirement, it is more implied. Kids have to be invited into the class, presently no kids are on the team that aren’t in an athletics class although some are in the class of a different sport. During the early part of the fall semester kids are actually cut from the class based on their skills.</p>
<p>Modadunn:I’ve also asked the question about how much worse could he possibly make things for himself. Its not like his play time is going to be cut. His reply is he doesn’t want to mess things up for himself next year. As for practice, there are times its active and at other times it isn’t. Someone previously mentioned crash dummies, I guess that would be the role he plays.</p>
<p>Thanks Catdaddy, good answer!</p>
<p>Mom of 3: You do hit the nail on the head when you said age size, speed, strength and fire. My kiddo is shall we say age, size and bulk challenged. If it were just about heart and spirit he’d be a starter. He probably isn’t Varsity material today just based on the physical maturity component. Putting his skill set, fire, passion and smarts into a bigger body would definitely make varsity material. For now all he wants to do is play JV. He definitely has what it takes to do that. IMO and the opinion of the supportive parents at the games around me.</p>
<p>My3tuitions: I appreciate the support. It doesn’t seem that the coach dislikes my S, it just seems that my S is presently invisible to him. It is hard to understand why my S is even on the team. I’m thinking it was some positive vibe that made that happen. But why would a coach pick a kid a virtually never play them. Neither my son or I can understand that. There were good players that were cut. I think maybe he thinks he was doing my son a favor but as hard as I try I don’t get it.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap and Modadunn: The e-mail route might be the way to get this going.</p>
<p>The coach and your son are not on the same page and need to get there.</p>
<p>Not talking to the coach could leave the coach with the assumption that your son is fine sitting at the end of the bench.</p>
<p>And then there may be something else going on here. The story about the “they” comment suggests a negative attitude which the coach may have picked up on and is punishing your son for.</p>
<p>Or maybe not.</p>
<p>As stated elsewhere - what is there to lose?</p>
<p>And finally, I assume class selections for next year are due soon.</p>
<p>Odyessey: I think we will have a small window between the end of the season and next year’s scheduling. But I do see your points. One thing my S has said about not wanting to talk to the coach was that he didn’t want to come accross as telling him he was wrong. I don’t think he would be if he just asked what he ought to work on to be more of a player next year. …The first week or 2 of the season there may have been some attitude and he wasn’t alone with that. After that he has been his spirited high fiving self…out there during warm ups hitting 3’s and on the bench the rest of the game.</p>