<p>Thank you for all of your help. I just spoke to S when I picked him up from school today. He told me that right now he is planning to stay in the bball program. He, for the first time was positive about speaking to the coach but said he would after the season is over. I have omitted some of the details of his situation in order to remain anonymous but in light of these it really does make sense for him to wait, especially since there is just a little bit of season left. I asked him what he would do if he found himself in the same position next year. His first answer was that that wouldn’t happen and the second was that if it did he would quit. I didn’t belabor the discussion about being prepared for the possibliity of not making the team at all but I think that can wait until after we hear the coaches feedback. In our school Juniors can play JV, there are about 5 juniors on the current team. Seniors can only play varsity. Next year I think there will be 8 or 9 seniors leaving so many of the current JV players will be moving up. Now, I just hope the coach will be honest enough with him to encourage him to move on to something else if he isn’t likely to make the team. As unhappy as that news would be for my S, I think it would free him to explore other options.</p>
<p>Spectrum2</p>
<p>Best of luck to your son - hope it all works out</p>
<p>There has been some discussion on this, so I just want comment on “development”. In my area, I have never seen a school coach develop a player in their sport. The season is too short and as you said, the pressures to win are too great. In all sports but football, you have about a 6-8 week season with about 12 or more games. Practice/development time is limited. The best coaches develop teams (not individuals) by assembling the talent and fostering teamwork and team camaraderie. They get the players to work together. The very best do this to the farthest reaches of their bench, so that every player feels that they are contributing. The mediocre coaches assemble the talent and play like chess masters with their teenage athletes. These coaches may win some games or have successful seasons, but they don’t really develop a winning tradition. The worst coaches pick their favorites throw them on the field unprepared and hope for the best. In some cases, the luck of the talent pool may even provide these coaches with a county or state championship. But, they are really doing more harm than good. Obviously, I have painted this with a broad brush and there are many shades of gray. </p>
<p>Other than football, real development happens on the club teams. There the coaches have the time and resources to really focus on player development. AND, if they aren’t or it isn’t the right fit for the player, the the player is free to go to another team. </p>
<p>Berry, it sounds like you have implemented some good feedback mechanisms. Unfortunately, I think you and your friends are the exception to the rule. And I would hope that if an athlete approached you during the season, you would listen and take all things into consideration. Seniors can not wait until after the season to try to correct an issue. And even underclassmen have only 4 opportunities in total. It is very difficult for a teenager to discuss any issue with an adult in authority. They should be supported. It is possible that the coach is so focused on winning they don’t see all the possibilities. Perhaps a second string 2 guard is a terrific defender and rebounder and despite a lack in size could really give some quality minutes as a 3 or 4. Perhaps the second string second baseman could really help fill-in in the outfield or in short relief. Just giving the starters a few minutes to rest here and there improves their performance and gives the bench players a sense of contributing to the team effort (see coach example #1 above.) I wish you the best of luck with your teams.</p>
<p>spectrum-- I really like the way you are problem-solving with your son. I know it isn’t easy to move into that role and “be there” and be supportive. I just wanted to say I think you are doing a really great job with this, all things considered.</p>
<p>Good luck to spectrum’s ds. Let us know how it turns out.</p>
<p>This thread inspired me to talk to ds about the evaluation he got at the end of last season and look it over to make sure he’s working on those things heading into his season.</p>
<p>Just wanted to let you know the following:</p>
<p>DS is a frosh on JV bball team. Was a leader on the team as a middle schooler and has been disappointed with his playing time this year. His dad, also a BBall coach encouraged him to go to the coach and have a discusson. S felt that he wasn’t being watched in practice and that it was detrimental to his playing time. Last night the boy came home with the news that he would be getting a lot more time in todays game. Turns out he took dad’s advice and explained himself, he was watched more closely and they are giving him a shot. </p>
<p>Good Luck to your DS spectrum. I hope he gets similar results!</p>
<p>Kudos to parents letting their kids work it out for themselves. Too often parents have “rose colored glasses” when it comes to assessing their child’s talent. Coaches are at practice daily and see so much more than we do as parents. Yes, politics can play a huge role as to who starts and plays, but that can be overcome by the player if they continue to work hard and improve. Being a team player is an important life skill and is part of the value of athletics in my opinion.</p>
<p>I finally have a minute to finish out my replies:</p>
<p>Odyessey Tigger, YDS and Poetgirl: Thanks!</p>
<p>Historymom: That is so great. Good for your S! My S was on B team last year but he was a starter and often high scorer for the team. This is his first experience as benchwarmer he probably also has been missed by his coach in practice as your son was. It I know he had to have been during that one game where all of the play was really bad and shot after shot was being missed.</p>
<p>To those of you who expressed that parents view their kids as being better than they are: My claim has never been that my S should be a starter or even that he should get a lot of playtime. We knew from the start that he wasn’t the best and he wouldn’t get much time. There is however a difference between a little time and virtually no time. There are also times when the kid who isn’t the strongest can still make a measurable contribution and it is great when a coach can see this. If a kid is on the team he should feel that he has a role and the coach should make the student feel valued for something. </p>
<p>My3tuitions: Great post. Our experience matches what you stated.</p>
<p>YDS and Berry: I wish we had a survey. I have feedback that I am itching to share but I don’t really have a mechanism to share it.(Everyone here has made it clear that meeting with the coach is a bad idea.) As I said this year was kind of an experiment and I wish the coaches would try and hear from some of those involved to get a feeling about how it worked. </p>
<p>12rmh18: I was touched by your discussion about your son’s essay. I hope my son gains similar wisdom from this experience. I have to say there definitely are guys on his team who are looking out for him .I hope my son grows over the summer like yours did!</p>
<p>glido: I truly hope he does hear the truth from the coach. In his case I think bad news would be better than false hope. My S would do much better seeking out other experiences than being strung along. Honestly I think his future will be determined largely by what we can’t control. His ability to grow and bulk up. </p>
<p>Atomom: Finally someone who sees it my way. Now I dont really see it as a waste of time for every kid, only for the kid who is not happy with the situation. Not that mine doesnt enjoy being on the team it is just that there is lots of unhappiness surrounding it too. Im not sure about chances for next year since it wont be the same team, many will move up to varsity.</p>
<p>Spectrum, what a gracious reply, Perhaps this belongs in Sinner’s Alley, but I am tipping my cup of tea to you. Like poetgirl, I admire how you are helping your S solve this problem. Here’s second tip o’the cup to a future growth spurt!</p>
<p>^^^^^Thanks to the first cup and Amen to the second!!!</p>