Wish I Could Have Taken a Gap Year

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I am currently a 20 year old Junior in college and I am on track to graduate in 4 years. The problem is my grades have gone down significantly down since my first semester. It seems like I have no work ethic anymore and I can't concentrate to study for tests. </p>

<p>I never had a list of schools that I wanted to attend. I always knew I wanted to attend my hometown school and that I was going to live at home thoughout college.</p>

<p>The problem with this is that my parents constantly comment that I am "so lucky" because I don't have to worry about my college expenses. My Mom worked throughout college and graduated in 8 years. She said I am lucky that I don't have to work full-time in college. It is hard to attend college constantly hearing this. </p>

<p>Now, back to my topic. I never heard of gap years until I came to this board. If was never an option for me after high school. It was always thought that I would enter college straight out of high school and graduate in 4 years. </p>

<p>It wasn't that I didn't want to enter college right out of high school; I was just tired of school. </p>

<p>I have heard from other people that have had gap year's where they used time to travel abroad and explore their hobbies.</p>

<p>I have been obtaining autographs for 5 years. I think having a hobby is very beneficial because it adds value to your life. Every autograph that I obtain has a story and it is fun to share these stories with other people. Also, hobbies are great ways to interact with other people. I attend many baseball games and get to interact with older people (20-30 years older). I think it is a great asset because I learned how to interact with older people (not just with people that are the same age as me). </p>

<p>Obtaining autographs has been a great adventure for me and I wouldn't trade my autographs for any amount of money. It is something you will never forget. Just a few days ago, I met Presential candidate Rudy Giuliani and was able to have him sign a baseball. This happened a week ago and I am still "on a high" from it. </p>

<p>Autographs have also led me to explore other hobbies. Now, since I met Rudy Giuliani, I will follow him throughout the Presedential race. This has already led me to learn more about politics.</p>

<p>Another example is when I obtained an autographed from Jerry Seinfeld. I didn't know much about "Seinfeld" before I met him, but after that I explored the show and found out I really enjoy it.</p>

<p>Now again back to my topic again. I live in a city where there are not many opportunites to obtain autographes from celebrities, but I make the most out of every opportunity. I have always dreamed about going to New York for a couple of weeks to obtain autographs at all of the shows (Today Show, David Letterman, etc.). I have looked into it and have learned that it is quite easy to do since people are allowed to wait at the stage doors.</p>

<p>Also, I have started to work on a book about my autograph experiences, but it has been on hiatus for quite some time now because of school.</p>

<p>In conclusion, I just wish I would have taken a gap year. To me, it is hard going to college when you wish you could fulfill something that you always wanted to do.</p>

2

<p>First off, I appreciate your enjoyment of collecting autographs as a hobby. The best part is the stories about how you found each one, plus the way it peaks your curiosity to research and learn more. I completely understand this! And you tell it with charm.</p>

<p>I’m not a collector but my H collects archaeology. I see how much pleasure he gets from it. It began in his youth and has grown to the point where we’ll have a college student come live with us during Winter Term for an internship to research, catalogue and organize it. (At least your collection fits in a drawer!! Or are you framing them? If you put them in a scrapbook, be sure to use acid-free pages!) </p>

<p>When people come to our house, his collection is a social ice-breaker and generates a fascinating discussion every time. He enjoys the historical information (my eyes glaze over, is it pre-Canaanite, um, you can tell that by the ripples in the lower third…etc.). Everyone enjoys the stories about where the objects came from, how he got them, what happened in those times…</p>

<p>But you have a few other things to deal with now. It sounds like your grades are slipping, you’re tired of working academically and can’t focus well, you’ve somewhat outgrown the dynamics with your parents at home. So you’re focussing wrongly on the gap year you didn’t take and long for more time on your hobby.</p>

<p>First, at the risk of getting flamed all over the place, I will level with you that some of the gap years for travel are just a rich kid’s paradise. Some kids take a gap year, then never pull it back in academically in time to return to college, so their gap year becomes a gap life. Don’t regret what you didn’t do a few years ago, or envy others. Rather focus on now.</p>

<p>You sound like you come from a hardworking family. Your mom had to stretch out her education to accommodate fulltime work (so it took 8 years) but by now you’re tired of hearing the same tape. I honestly think at your age, it’d be fine to give her a big bear-hug, tell her how much you appreciate her past and being able to live with them at home. Thank her for telling you the story and expressing her values, let her know you’ve got it and internalized it. Maybe she’ll take the hint that she’s overtold her story, maybe not. But whenever she says her thing, just put on emotional earplugs and try not to let it bother you. That’s her story and she’s sticking to it, proudly. You’re working on a different story. </p>

<p>Perhaps you can change your routine to study at a public or college library more, and less study time at home. Some different visual stimulation might make you feel more focussed on your studies, and mature. You might also need to have a set time when you can do something outrageously fun or playful, once a week, so you don’t feel like you’re only studying and slogging around home. Is there an inspiring or really fun thing to do at college once each weekend? Do you have a circle of friends?</p>

<p>It might even be time to check in for a chat at the college psych counseling center to make sure you’re not depressed. </p>

<p>You could also permit yourself one half-day each week to work on the autograph book, which sounds like a project that lifts your spirits. If that’s not possible academically, maybe you can take an entire week between semesters and give yourself over to advancing that document. </p>

<p>It’s great to have hobbies, and they will make your entire life more interesting and fun, whether you’re in college or working. Just learn to integrate them now into your weekly schedule. It’s not anything you have to wait for or pine for. As far as visiting NYC for autographs, maybe you can schedule a trip for the winter or spring, and look forward to it now. Stay at a youth hostel or YMCA and have a ball collecting all you can. If you actually schedule a trip, you can reward yourself with it and keep the anticipation to lift your spirits now.</p>

<p>Finally, my D also always wanted a gap year but couldn’t take one after h.s. because she got in someplace ED and you can’t have it both ways. So off she went to college, feeling a bit too young and missing her gap year. Now that she’s graduated she’s declared a “gap year” of sorts, telling us all to lay off of talking about any longterm plans. She has a B.A., but is just living frugally with a few roommates, working a job half-days, doing some artwork, and thinking about applying to professional school..NEXT year. Although everyone will ask you about your work plans immediately after college, you can declare a gap year THEN. But first, pick up your grades so you have something to stand upon when you do graduate.</p>

3

<p>Insomniatic,
I think paying3tuitions has made some excellent suggestions about how to work in your hobby on a part time basis. I know I need to have vacations to look forward to keep myself “up”.</p>

<p>I wanted to expand on the point about the year off AFTER graduation from college. My daughter loved her four years of college but was very unsure about where she wanted to live after graduation, she knew she wanted to teach but not sure where she wanted to settle down. As a teacher, it makes sense to get hired into a district and stay there. Her decision was to take a year off and teach in China. She loves to travel and is now able to earn a little money while planning trips to the rest of China and Southeast Asia. </p>

<p>I think there is an advantage to doing a gap year this way - she’s older and so much more mature and worldly-wise then she was at 18 and she was able to get a job that required a college degree and will help her overall resume. She was also able to save up some money to afford to live on a low paying salary.</p>

4

<p>Thank you for your responses. The only thing is that a gap year is not going to be possible for me. I am in my Junior year and my parents are already asking what I am going to to tell with the rest of my life. I am a business major, but I am not 100% sure of what kind of field I am going to go into. It is kind of hard going to school and thinking about that at the same time. </p>

<p>That is great that you let your daughter work part-time and live with friends and pursure her hobbies. A lot of people might frown upon it, but I think it is great. To me, you have the rest of your life to work. Your early and mid- twenties are the times to explore the world. If you don’t do it, you will be wishing you have done iso when you are older.</p>

<p>Also, my parents really don’t support my hobby. Since they don’t have any hobbies of their own, they don’t understand the excitement that I have when I pursue my interests.</p>

5

<p>I spent a year between college and grad school happily traveling the country photographing fire stations on Uncle Sam’s penny. If you really want to take a gap year you can make it happen.</p>

6

<p>Mathmom is right, if you really want to do something it’s up to you to make it happen. We didn’t LET our daughter do anything. At 22 and a college graduate she is fully an adult.</p>

7

<p>I went to Europe after college graduation - stayed with friends I had made while studying in Normandy one summer. Then I came back and worked as an interpreter for some friends who sold real estate to French investors. I flew all over the southeast with these folks. Got paid very little, but didn’t mind a bit. All expenses covered, great chance to see the country. That’s how I went to New Orleans and Mardi Gras the first time!</p>

<p>Anyway, as others have stated, my parents didn’t “let” me do these things. I just did them. I got a job as a software engineer the spring after I graduated, and life’s been a series of adventures ever since.</p>

<p>Now I’m teaching computer science in a technology magnet high school after 5 years of teaching French…</p>

<p>Your life is your life. Live it!</p>

<p>Also, on another note, you might want to talk to student mental health services about your feelings and lack of motivation and dropping grades. My son was finally diagnosed with ADD, and the pressures of college had overwhelmed him. All is much better now, and he’s back on track and is getting the support he needs for success.</p>

8

<p>My parents feel like they have a hold on me because they pay for my tuition and I live at home. I understand very well that my life is my life and I should live it, but it is beyond my control.</p>

9

<p>I loved having my co-op jobs while I was an undergrad. School can be so intense that it feels great to get away for awhile & it’s so simple to work 9-5 and not have homework to face later. Is there any chance that you could catch a break by getting a co-op job?</p>

10

<p>Working is what made it possible for my daughter to travel. She worked one or two jobs all through college, during summer breaks and sometimes winter breaks as well. We paid for her college education as I’m sure most of the parents on this board are paying for their kids. Make some plans, see how much it would cost and then figure out how to pay for it. Making a plan itself can be quite empowering.</p>

11

<p>Just a thought - read “The Autograph Man” by Zadie Smith. I like her other books a bit better, but this one is pretty pertinent to, well, autograph collecting. :)</p>

12

<p>Insomniatic – I too grew up with frugal, worried parents who had fairly rigid ideas about what I was expected to do. I also lived at home and commuted to college. My relationship with my parents in those years was always pretty tumultuous.
I want to gently re-emphasize two points that were made above. Get a part-time job if you don’t have one. You will enjoy a new environment that is different from school, you will meet some new people, and most importantly, you can start saving money that is your own. Maybe you can take that trip to New York then.
And PLEASE go to your school’s counseling center. Talk about why you feel your life is not in your own control and what small steps you can take to feel differently.</p>

13

<p>Hi! I saw on another thread that you planned to travel to Phoenix this month. Did you go yet? Was it enjoyable?</p>

<p>I find that for myself I need to have small trips planned every so often to avoid that stir-crazy feeling. Part of the enjoyment of them is the planning, part the anticipation, part the actual trip, part looking back. Maybe you could try to have an “event” or two on the horizon to anticipate. It could be a day trip to a museum or sporting event. It could be a weekend or spring break vacation. </p>

<p>What kinds of things do you imagine would be fun during a gap year? Can you plan those activities from where you are right now? Maybe it is a day in an ethnic neighborhood, maybe a great speaker’s event at college.</p>

<p>Have fun planning!</p>

14

<p>No, I wasn’t able to go to Phoenix. I haven’t been out of town in 2 1/2 years.</p>

<p>I have been working off on for a couple of years. I have over $8,000 saved.</p>

15

<p>I took 2 years in between HS and college and am very upset that I did. </p>

<p>If you did you would find yourself a few years behind your friends, and while they begin their careers and are raking in the cash, your frustration with still being a student grows. It may be different in your cases, it’s just something that has to be a person choice. Take that into consideration.</p>

16

<p>"No, I wasn’t able to go to Phoenix. I haven’t been out of town in 2 1/2 years.</p>

<p>I have been working off on for a couple of years. I have over $8,000 saved."</p>

<p>If you have saved this much money, and really want a gap year after college, you can do it. There was a series in the St. Pete Times about a couple of students who traveled for a year, working their way (camp counselors, that kind of thing) around Europe. They had a BLAST. </p>

<p>PLEASE go talk to your counseling service. You are feeling so trapped, and those feelings seem to be your reality right now. You may be surprised at how much better things may look if you talk to someone.</p>

17

<p>To the OP-- I’m not big into self-help but it’s either AA or Oprah or some such sage who says, “Bloom where you are planted”. You are so lucky; you are moving forward with your life without having to spend every waking moment worrying about how you’re going to pay the rent or the gas bill; your only obligations once you graduate will be yourself (unless you’ve got a dependent or two tucked away you haven’t told us about); you will be able to start your adult life unencumbered by any old baggage unless you choose to take your resentment with you.</p>

<p>So start your grown up life now. 1- head to the counseling center; even if yo’ure not depressed you will find that your problems get hacked down to a manageable size when a professional can help you reframe your frustrations. 2- Take a look at how you spend your time on an average week and pick out the trouble spots… too much time at home? not enough productive studying time? not enough time dropping in at professor’s office hours?
3- Try to expand your horizons so you start getting some cool ideas for what to do after you graduate. Even if the autographs doesn’t become part of a 'job", based on what you’ve written here, there are probably lots of fields that you’d find interesting once you’ve done your homework. If it’s the autographs themselves… get an entry level job at an auction house that deals with manuscripts, historic ephemera (what professionals call things like ticket stubs, old advertisements, etc.) or collectibles. If it’s meeting people, get an entry level job as a conference planner or convention sales person. If it’s being in NY-- thousands of things to do there. Don’t get irritated when your parents ask what you’re going to do when you graduate… try to remind yourself that they ask because they love you, and there are zillions of kids out there going through college alone with zero family support whose parents could care less what their plan is.</p>

<p>Back when I was graduating from HS nobody had heard of a gap year. Too bad; I was young when I started college and definitely could have benefited from one! However, I feel that my life in the last few years is one big gap year… I have a job which bugs me sometimes but which I usually love; it pays well; if I take an hour during the day and prowl through the Frick or the Metropolitan museum nobody cares as long as I get my work done. I read interesting books; I’ve paid off my school loans and am meeting my other obligations-- I’m healthy. My job requires travel and try to tack on an extra day to explore someplace new. I volunteer for a couple of organizations that I care about-- it’s one big gap year.</p>

<p>So go take some grown up steps towards your own plan.</p>

18

<p>paying3 and blossom give you really good advice. You posted for advice and they really came through for you. I would only like to add this:</p>

<p>Consider moving out by late summer. I understand the financial reasons for staying with your parents but it sounds as though if you got a part time job you would be able to afford moving out of your parents home for your Sr. year and that may help you see things more brightly.</p>

<p>Set small goals for yourself that lead you to larger ones, like blossom said take grown-up steps towards your own plan.</p>

19

<p>Thank you for all of your comments, but I have a to disagree with a couple of things.</p>

<p>I don’t think “there are zillions of kids out there going through college alone with zero family support whose parents could care less what their plan is”. I think that is a very ludicrous thing to see. I would say at the most it is about 15-20%.</p>

<p>Also, I don’t think rich kids are the only people who take gap years. I know some people who have taken gap years and their parents weren’t rich.</p>

<p>Also, college isn’t what is was 15 or 20 years ago. Now, parents are realizing that their kids need a college education to get a good job, so they are saving money to do so.</p>