I feel overwhelmingly guilty about this but honestly I just need to go home.
My parents are so mad, but they did book me ticket so they have to get it at least a little bit
I have had severe anxiety all my life and it’s gotten really intense since I got to college
I’ve become severely depressed its gotten to the point where I am suicidal at the thought of trying to stay here
I went to emergency psychological services and it was decided that it would be best for me to request a medical withdrawal and go home for a while.
I’m still in the process of like figuring everything out but I’m going home tommorrow. I just feel like such a failure.
And I’ve been telling my parents I’m fine so I just like sprung this on them out of nowhere.
I just couldnt admit to how I was actually feeling
I just feel so depressed and alone right now.
I just want to die
How can I make them understand how awful I feel?
They bought you a ticket. They get it that much. Have you been under a doctor’s care at home for this? Get an appointment as soon as you can when you get home for this. It sounds like you are doing the right thing. Going away to college is NOT for everyone! You need to take care of yourself. Your parents are probably worried, afraid, and possibly a little mad that you didn’t tell them earlier. I am pretty sure a big hug and a request that they get you medical help when you get home will go a long ways toward getting them past being annoyed and on board with helping you get to a better place. Good luck, we are rooting for you.
Sending you big Hugs! This was a huge positive step towards finding the help you need to be able to work through this.
Yes, it can be a shock to parents who thought all was well, but it is probably going to work itself out with a little bit of time. Parents have hopes and dreams for their children, and when those hopes and dreams are dashed, it can be difficult to adjust to what the new normal and new path will be.
Have you hidden your anxiety from your parents for your entire life? If so, the shock and adjustment period may be longer and harder to work through. If they were aware (and hopefully supportive?) of you in the past with your anxiety struggles, then surely they will rally around you after this initial shock.
A Reality Check here in the midst of your anguish…Please double and triple check back with all the various departments at your college to be sure all paperwork needed to withdraw without penalties or fees is taken care of. Don’t assume anything. If you have gotten verbal confirmation, go back and ask for written confirmation (email is okay). Make sure you have checked out properly with housing so you aren’t required to pay for room and board for the semester. Go back and ask “is there any other department I need to notify of my departure?”
Print out all emails and save any paperwork so you can document you left the college on good terms. It may be months before you are ready to reengage, and the conversations you’ve had with your college could be quite fuzzy by then. You want a clean slate so that later on you have options of attending or transferring without a huge unexpected debt.
So many stories here on cc of parents who brought their kids home from school, supported them as they got the help they needed, and then the kids were able to finish school in various ways. Or not finish school, but find another path to be successful in life. Not every kid gets a 4 year college degree in 4 years. And that is okay.
Main thing to focus on is letting go of guilt and finding the resources to get you well. If your parents truly are not supportive, please post on parents forum and ask for more direction.
I am realizing this is a post on College Life, and I am a parent. Sorry to barge in here, but can’t help but respond and offer support. I won’t post again in this thread, but you can PM me or just post on parents forum if you don’t get the support you are looking for.
If you still feel suicidal please let someone know, contact the police or other emergency services if necessary. Anxiety and depression are treatable. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You are not a failure, you are not well right now and need health care.
Deep breaths.
And if you really did mean suicidal, then stop reading right now and contact emergency services. My post will still be here later.
Your parents love you and want the best for you and from you.
They were probably very nervous about you going away from school, knowing your history of severe anxiety. And they were so relieved when it was apparently going well. Then, when they found that you hadn’t been entirely up front with them, they felt as though the rug had been pulled out from under them.
So cut them a little slack with being surprised.
But they do love you and they do want the best for you. And by this time tomorrow, you’ll be back home. And hopefully you have a support network-- a counselor/ doctor-- at home that you’ve worked with before who can talk you through this.
At the end of the day, going away to school (especially a plane ride away!!!) is NOT right for everyone, regardless of their mental health. I learned yesterday that one of the triplets across the street is home, while her two siblings are happy in their college choices. She’s taking a gap semester, then will resume college in January.
And that’s OK. It’s not a race. You don’t have to finish by a particular date. You don’t have to stick with your major.
You don’t even have to go to college at all. It’s a matter of deciding what path you want to follow.
But the first step, the most important step in that journey, is to take care of your health, both mental and physical.
So go home today, and make an appointment with that counselor. And take it one step at a time.
Have a good flight, give mom and dad a good hug, and check in with us in a day or two.
@Cfpana , when you get the chance, check back in with us and let us know how you’re doing, OK??
Thanks so much for your support
I made it home fine
Seeing me in person really made my parents understand
I’m making plans to get my anxiety/depression under control and returning next fall as a freshmen again
I’m feeling some hope for the first time in a long time
Admitting how I honestly felt was the best feeling in the world
To anyone reading this thread, know that talking about extremely negative feelings is hard but you’ll feel so much better once you do
Thanks for giving us an update. Glad you made it home safely, and so happy to hear your parents are understanding. And super glad to hear you are feeling hopeful.
Great to hear Cfpanda, work hard at your therapies and you will get better.
Whoa there! You’ve got to pull yourself together first! that’s the first thing you need to do. Then afterwards look back at what happened during your stay in college. Breathe in [and I mean deeply] and construct the actual reason why it all turned out the way it did and tell that to your parents
Maybe you should consider a nearby 4-year university where you can commute to daily. This way you have the direct support of your parents. Going to a CC for two years and then transferring to a 4-year institution might be another option to consider.
@Jamrock411 has a very good point, at the very least one you’ll want to discuss with your therapist. Or even consider going away, but not a plane ride away.
I’m so glad you’re sounding much better.
I agree with the other posters you may want to consider going to school closer to home with a strong support network of family and therapists. Best wishes to you!
First make sure you have done everythign officially through your school…talk to the Dean of Students or whoever to make sure your withdrawal is done correctly to save your GPA, money and your status.
Tell your parents that you are so thankful for their support.
Ask if they can help you see a psychiatrist and get therapy.
Tell them (if true) that your plan is to back to school, but that you want to get healthy first.
Also tell them examples of what is was like for you.
My DD has anxiety…she has always been more “clingy” but we didn’t really know until HS when she was doing things out side of her comfort zone. I could see instances where she just couldn’t join the choir when they were singing in front ofthe entire school or go to a football game and meet someone…she had to stay in the car until she could see them and then she could go. She got to a tipping point and then saw a psychiatrist and was put on meds. The next year she was voluntarily singing by herself over the intercom to the entire school.
When looking for a school, she limited herself to schools within two hours of home. She ended up an hour a way which is perfect. Easy to get home but far enough she has her space.
I think that won’t take so much effort they’re your parents they will understand someday somehow you know? unless they’re those do-what-we-want-you-to-do ones.
First you need to accept that you make the right and likely only reasonable decision. You faced a medical problem. You sought help and advice from a medical professional. You evaluated your options and made a rational decision. There is nothing else that you could of done based on what you wrote. Treatment of severe anxiety takes time. With time, your parents will realize this.
My only advice I have is that you need to open up to your parents. If you are like my dd, you are probably very good at hiding your anxiety from others. While this is understandable, it can make it difficult for a parent to fully understand the severity of your anxiety. By opening up, they hopefully will understand the serious of your condition and get you the help you need.
Also as bopper stated it is extremely important that you follow all the procedures for withdrawing. Be aware that withdrawing for mental health reasons is treated VERY differently then withdrawing for medical reasons (at least at my dd school). There is likely a VERY different set of rules about what is needed to be done to return to your school.
Also, try to not rush back to school. If you need medication, then it is highly unlikely you will be ready to return next semester. Long term medicines can a LONG time to get the proper dosage determined. It can take 4-8 weeks just to see if a drug can help. Therapy is also a long process.