Wondering about the quality of my essay

<p>I have already applied to all my colleges and in the meantime I figured I would see if I could get an idea of how good my college essay was that I sent out to all my colleges. I have some pessimistic feelings about it, but I do not think it will hurt my chances too much if it does...I've exceeded the word limit that the common app suggests by a bit, so I hope that I am not penalized for that. I only noticed it once I already sent my application :(.</p>

<p>The top schools I am applying to are RPI, Boston U, SUNY Binghamton, and Maryland University (College Park). I also applied to Cornell later on as a reach school. I have specified to these colleges that I would like to study Aerospace Engineering when/if I attend.</p>

<p>Anyway, if I could get some feedback on how good you think the essay is for the colleges I am applying to that would be great. Please be honest. I can take any criticism, and I am kind of expecting it anyway, so go at it :P. Thank you guys and gals for letting me know what you think.</p>

<p>Here it is:</p>

<pre><code> To be honest, I do not think I could have picked a more difficult topic to write about than the one I did. I sensed what I wanted my essay to be on from the beginning, but when I got right down to it, I could scarcely write it down on paper. In retrospect, I realize that I struggle trying to put my true feelings about any passion I have on paper. However, once I really buckled down and focused, I found that I could produce an essay I was genuinely proud of.

The only thing I have a true desire and drive to write about is my interest in astronomy. Everything dealing with space fascinates me. I love learning about things such as how black holes work, the physics and numbers behind everything in the cosmos, the prospect of extraterrestrial life, and especially space travel and exploration.

I am interested in astronomy in part because I enjoy learning about most any science or math topics, and I have a fascination with the beauty of the universe. These are a couple of the reasons why I love the cosmos, but without something even more significant driving me, I do not believe I could have ever come to love space as much as I do.

The principle reason I believe I am so invested in learning about the universe comes right down to the mystery that space holds. I have a strong curiosity about the unknown, which drives my passion for space. There is so much that humans do not know about the universe, and it is so unimaginatively large, that it is not surprising that we have such a limited understanding. Many mysterious objects, such as Magnitards (small, dense, spinning stars) and “super-massive” black holes still hold many secrets about their origin that science has not yet answered. I want to be the one to learn and discover the secrets behind the universe.

When I look back to my childhood, I remember watching many TV shows related to outer space. Most of them were more or less documentaries, trying to capture audiences' attention with dramatic scenes and various mysteries related to the cosmos. I was instantly hooked. To this day, I search my T.V. guide, looking for any of the older shows I did not watch or notice before, as well as for any of the new ones. I can accurately say I have watched almost the entirety of all the space-related shows available on television.

I have also used resources such as the internet, books, and magazines to feed my interest in learning and exploring topics on the universe. The internet provides practically boundless information on the subject. More recently, I have been able to find an abundance of information concerning the new Mars rover, Curiosity, and its mission, which includes the rover's search for life on the red planet. It excites me to know that at any moment, Curiosity could discover proof of life that exists or did exist on Mars. I have also read many books related to space, and I recently finished a couple science-fiction books on space travel, Remnants and Alpha Rising. I have also read through The Grand Design by Stephen Hawking, which discusses and debates many controversial ideas on how space, time, and existence as we know it truly operate. I was always reluctant to put that book down.

I feel that I am truly lucky to have a passion like this. I do not know if there are many people who can honestly say they enjoy learning about something as passionately as I enjoy learning about space. It is something that drives me through life, and something I want to do so for the rest of my life.
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<p>Leave out the metafiction in the beginning. You don’t need to mention the process of writing the essay. You could start with “Everything dealing with space” and it would be fine.</p>

<p>Yes, now that I look at my essay, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Unfortunately, I have already submitted my essay to my colleges :P. I definitely wish I had thought to use this site before I sent my essay.</p>

<p>If anyone else wants to weigh in that would be great :).</p>

<p>Like Halcyonheather said, you should have started at “everything dealing with space fascinates me.” In general, it’s sort of wordy. Examples: I feel that I am truly lucky to have a passion like this could be I am lucky to have a passion. The principle reason I believe I am so invested in learning about the universe comes right down to the mystery that space holds could be: I am interested in learning about the universe because of it’s mystery".</p>

<p>Alright, thanks guys :). Do you suppose that this essay may hurt (or maybe help) my chances at the colleges I applied to? Also, the essay is about 650 words, and the common app had a limit of 500. I was still able to upload my essay and all my colleges will see the entire essay (it doesn’t cut off at 500), but do you suppose this will be an issue for my admission? Thanks again :).</p>

<p>I’ll be honest.
For the colleges listed above, it definitely won’t hurt you.</p>

<p>Had you applied to higher tier universities: JHU, Rice, Northwestern, UChicago, Ivies, etc, your chances would have been greatly jeopardized.</p>

<p>Thank you for your honesty SwedishM8 :). Anyway, that is about what I would have thought as well.^^</p>

<p>Anyone else have any opinions? Thanks again :).</p>