<p>I thought that it would be nice to have a thread featuring words of advice from parents "who have been there"--just hints, suggestions, etc. I would like to make a special plea to parents to talk to their children about respecting the choices of their fellow students. Ask them to refrain from making broad-based comments such as "I would never go there" or "That school is for losers"--especially when they are in groups. College applications are a topic foremost in their minds, and of course there will be lots of discussions and debate. Reinforce the idea that they do not know the circumstances of their fellow students, and it could be very hurtful to others. "If you don't have anything nice to say, then keep your mouth shut" should be their mantra. My D unwittingly made a classmate feel bad by making a few negative comments about a particular school, and she regretted it, but it was a lesson learned.</p>
<p>Encourage your child to pull together a list of schools they are interested in attending, and then LISTEN to them as they explain their reasons for their choices. This helps them solidify their list, and may help in whittling down the actual number they elect to apply to. I gave my DD a budget for application fees-but did not stipulate which schools or how many.</p>
<p>APOL is correct, get the parents to focus on the process not particular schools. Listen to what your student wants in a school then use that to narrow the list with your help by clarifying what they said.</p>
<p>On the process front this is what I would suggest, apply to one rolling admissions school and if you want to apply early apply to an open EA school. Having at least one acceptance before the new year reduces the stress level dramatically. </p>
<p>Having been through the process twice I found my 2 were much less stressed than the broader student population. The time from January 1 to April 1 is stress inducing for seniors because of the uncertainty of where they may be going to school the following year.</p>
<p>From a personal perspective I would not let me 2 apply anywhere ED because of the financial lock-in it creates. While it is not the whole decision finances do play a role in school selection. Neither of my 2 chose the school that offered them the most money but it was good to have the options.</p>
<p>Anyway, my 2 cents without naming a single school!</p>
<p>My D is a rising Senior at a competitive HS. Her classmates have been in a feeding frenzy for quite a while now--trying to find out who's applying where in order to assess the competition. I advised my D to publicize only a few schools that she's not all that interested in and to keep her business private. Who needs the added anxiety that the judgment of basically clueless students brings? (Many kids know very little about the schools they're applying to.)</p>
<p>I would just beg them not to accept as relevant to themselves even one peer's opinion of a college, or even several peers' opinions. (At my D's school, the process for most of the students is overly prestige-driven. Often students are applying to schools that aren't even appropriate for those students -- and I don't mean that they aren't qualified necessarily, but that the academic programs/majors, expressed needs in an environment, and size or type of student body is way off from what the student declares are preferences, and from what is obvious to the rest of the world.) </p>
<p>Even if you are the same gender as those with a dominant viewpoint of certain schools, it does not mean that you are "just like them." In fact, my D is quite different from most of her peers at school, in temperament but especially in academic needs. But she constantly drives me crazy telling me that so-and-so (majorly different from her) "couldn't stand" Campus X -- a campus she herself has not yet visited. </p>
<p>For those who can't bear to disclose the "humiliation" of applying to a less popular or "hot" school, apply silently, then: don't tell a soul. But you'll sleep better/worry less if you have a diverse list. And any Reach acceptance will be all the sweeter when received as a surprise than as a desperate goal.</p>
<p>Early Decision (as opposed to EA) is a long shot if the school in question is super-selective. (If it isn't, that's another matter.)</p>
<p>I would also tell them that it may not be realistic to visit everywhere. If you got lucky regarding that in Jr. Yr. (had the funds or was able to make a family trip during a break), or can do so in the next couple of months, then fine. But you don't need to visit in order to apply. You can visit or revisit during hosting days if accepted. It's also not worth jeopardizing the quality of your apps or your sr. yr. grades to take out a lot of time to visit colleges.</p>
<p>Very few seniors, including my D, are mature enough to compile a meaningful list of schools. If left to their own devices, most would simply reproduce popular choices from upper classmen, which in turn were copies of other choices...</p>
<p>My approach is to use my knowledge of my D's likes and dislikes, coupled with a realistic evaluation of her academic abilities, to suggest a list of about 15 schools, to be narrowed down by her to sub-10. She was also free to add any of her own, she has not done so to date.</p>
<p>rcefn -- good reminder to be sensitive about other's feelings during a stressful time.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Reinforce the idea that they do not know the circumstances of their fellow students, and it could be very hurtful to others.
[/quote]
When the early acceptances come in, it's hard for the accepted kids to keep a low profile, but they should at least try... It is a very difficult time for the ones who are deferred or rejected from their "dream schools"...</p>
<p>I gave my son a calender with all his deadlines on it. As deadlines approached, I tried to gently remind him, but in the end it was his choice to use his time the way he wanted. Sometimes he pulled a late nighter to meet the deadline, sometimes he pieced it out ahead (but usually the former).</p>
<p>I had to remember that he was trying to enjoy his senior year to it's fullest, spending time with his good friends, enjoying freedoms within the safety net of mom being close.</p>
<p>We do not live in an area where everyone wants to attend high profile top ten schools. So I was fighting the "I'll just go to state with my friends" mentality.</p>
<p>I think the most important thing we did was list schools we were interested in and pick a couple in the categories of reach and match-reach, and added one safety that he knew he'd also love. That list helped me generate the deadline sheet for my son...it worked for us.</p>
<p>Middle-income parents: Don't limit your kids' applications to only state schools!</p>
<p>One thing our daughters' guidance counselors never discussed was the ability of middle-income families to afford private schools. We got no help or suggestions at all with anything but state schools (very good ones where we are: UVA, William and Mary, etc.) and both Ds got into all of them. But we were pleasantly surprised that many top private Liberal Art schools made financial offers, mostly need-based, that put attendance cost at less than our own state schools. I originally told D1 that she could go to any school that didn't cost more than in-state tuition at UVA and she ended up at Washington University in St. Louis for about $2000 less per-year than our in-state costs. The fact that she didn't really enjoy her experience there her first year is beside the point (she ended up transferring to a smaller, more expensive, private LAC which actually matched her scholarship package at WUSTL, though she lost her NM scholarship in doing so).</p>
<p>D2 got an excellent offer from Wellesley that would have been much less money (and a lot less loan for her upon graduation) than any of the other six schools where she was accepted—including in-state schools. Though she decided not to go there after two visits, the application (if filed on-line) was free, as were several others. Some privates she'd expressed interest in not only offered free applications but also quicker, near-instant, applications and indicated aid was readily available. </p>
<p>So don't limit your kids, at least as far as applying to some private schools. Some of these top schools are sitting on such large endowments and have diversity admission policies that benefit those from even middle-income families. And those of you in rural areas or a long way from the "top" schools, most schools seek to increase diversity in areas such as family income, geography, and even size of home town.</p>
<p>The world is your kids' oyster! It doesn't hurt to express interest, or even to apply to schools you think you can't afford. Step out of the box your GC may have drawn to limit your kids. You may be pleasantly surprised. It can't hurt.</p>
<p>ProudDad makes an excellent point here. Both my kids had very specialized majors, and the state schools were actually very poor options given their desired paths.</p>
<p>Both were able to attend private colleges with highly regarded programs for their disciplines, and each received substantial merit/talent aid based on their stats. They were "good", not great students academically (s-top 10% and d- top 20%) and both had extensive EC's, work and summer experience within their fields.</p>
<p>Between the merit aid, a few local scholarship awards, and federal aid, both were able to attend privates that were perfect fits for each.</p>
<p>To add to APOL and Eagle's posts, have your child look at schools from the perspective of "If this is the only school that I am accepted to, will I be happy to attend?" You will be suprised at how short and more focused the list becomes. This includes loving your safety (sure bet) school.</p>
<p>Also remember that what is one student's safety is another student's dream school so always remember to have a little tact and grace when hearing about te acceptances of others.</p>
<p>If you have not done so yet, have the money talk about how much you are willing to pay or borrow for school. Run your numbers though a few FA calculators. The college board will let you run numbers using both the federal methodology (FAFSA) and the insitutional methodology (CSS profile schools).</p>
<p>I would advise parents to make sure there are enough choices on the list that your child would actually ber happy to attend. Cast as wide a net as possible. Keeping a budget for applications may be penny wise and ound foolish because an extra few schools may yield the exact offer you've been waiting for. Some kids have anxiety, but some are over confident, and if they completely drive the process they won't come up with a reasonable list.</p>
<p>S's best friend generated a list of local state u. and reaches. I talked to his mother and gently suggested they add two slightly less competitive Lac's. Those were the only schools beside state u. he was accepted at. The school he chose is an excellent school and an excellent fit, and he is thrilled to be going.</p>
<p>My S was lazy and didn't want to do any supplemental essays. He had to be nudged. It's worth it. He received two EA acceptances with nice offers and had a less anxious senior year as another poster pointed out. He ended up not attending these schools but it did make the process less anguishing.</p>
<p>The college process is like labor, something awful when you're going throiugh it, but something you barely remember when it's over.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Proud Dad is absolutely right. DH found it cheaper to attend an Ivy than an in-state SUNY. This was many years ago, but it still holds today.</p>
<p>I fully agree with the posters who suggested applying to at least one EA school. For my D the early letter of acceptance she received on December 26 was a great stress reliever. Her exact words were "At least I know I'm going to college somewhere." The other huge advantage was that the early deadline forced her to finish the Common Application, including the essay, long before all the supplemental essays and short answers needed to be done for individual colleges. She was also able to ask for recommendations early in the year before the teachers were swamped with requests. She didn't end up choosing her EA college but she's still glad she applied.</p>
<p>Sybbie719,
DS says he could see going to any other schools on his list -- they each offer something compelling to him that he could see turning down the others for. He has developed some favorites, but he would also be very happy at his safety.</p>
<p>wow, Counting Down,</p>
<p>I think that this is a great approach because it does create a win-win for the student especially when it comes to worrying about what might have been, Knowing that he will be happy at any school he applies to will make the acceptances all the sweeter because he and your family will know that no matter what happens, he will be going to a school that is wonderful for him.</p>
<p>all the best.</p>
<p>Sybbie,
I am hoping that we will be able to enjoy this year -- at least once he has the apps finished! He has a great attitude and is very certain of what he wants. Would I have expected this a year ago? Not a chance!</p>
<p>These posts are wonderful.
If a student is dreading the app essay or if they get stuck, the following book might help. I know it's old but the info still applies. It's an easy read and like Puzzled said, getting the major essay written can be a relief. </p>
<p>On Writing the College Application Essay: The Key to Acceptance at the College of Your Choice
by Harry Bauld</p>
<p>Thanks for some excellent advice from parents who have "been there". I've picked up some tips that I hope to put to good use! Please keep them coming!</p>