Worried about a friend

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

Hello CC community,

I am concerned about a friend of mine, who is struggling in school. We are in 8th grade, and our school does not have any advanced classes except for the Honors math classes, which he is not taking. All of the classes are normal, easy, middle school classes.

In sixth and seventh grade, and the first two quarters of this year, he was doing just fine, with all As and one or two Bs here and there (as a quarter grade). However, this quarter (the 3rd quarter), he is having a lot of trouble with maintaining his grades.

He currently has two Cs, one B, and two Ds in the core classes (English, Math, Science, Spanish, and Social Studies). Recently he received a C on a really big English essay and bombed the social studies test (or so he says, as the scores are not out yet). He doesn’t seem to be caring much, at all about school, and when I ask him about high school, he shrugs (not even jokingly).

I know that 8th grade is a bit too early to be worrying about grades, but when I say our middle school curriculum is easy, I mean it’s really, really EASY. We do have a test and a quiz every month or so per class, but those are mostly just really light content that has been covered extensively in class.

Please help with this situation, I have absolutely no idea what to do and how to help him. Maybe it’s nothing, or maybe I should do nothing, or maybe I’m just exaggerating everything in my head. I really don’t want him to end up in the wrong place in life, but I’m probably just overthinking this… I don’t even know.

I tried helping him study for the recent social studies test, and coaxed him to write the short paragraph according to the prompt that would be on the test (our teacher tells us the exact material on the test beforehand), and quizzed/tutored him on the material.

He’s a really bright kid, but I don’t think he cares enough to try harder.

Thank you,
~raventhemage

2

That happens every year to me… i swear. Its nice of you to try to help him,

He perhaps lost his motivation this year for school.

3

Unless you’re taking high school courses in middle school, middle school grades do not matter at all. He has time.

4

^agreed. I wasn’t motivated in middle school (65 on my eighth grade math final! lol) but I buckled down and worked really hard in high school.

5

Perhaps you should talk about something besides grades?

  1. He might not appreciate comparing your grades to his, since he is struggling.
  2. His problems with grades might be because something else is bothering him. He may need someone to talk about other things going on in his life.
6

I have a friend just like this. Super smart, but a really poor student. He just got diagnosed with adhd as a junior. Your friend might have a similar issue or might need help with organizational skills. Don’t push too hard. Disrupting a friendship isn’t worth it even with good intentions.

7

@PlayWithPropane @hhjjlala @greenteen17 @AroundHere @Hamlon

Thank you all for the great answers! I really do appreciate all the help.

Update: He received less than 80 on the most recent Spanish test. I do not know if he has ADHD, but he does have a really hard time maintaining concentration, and is very disorganized (forgets homework and tests, loses things, has unorganized binder, etc.) I know that he studies hard and does worry about his grades, but I don’t think that he has good study methods. The day before the Spanish test I mentioned, he did study for hours (maybe 1-2) but ended up scoring not the best (lost 20 points in the first section, other sections not graded yet). Maybe I could help him with studying skills, or help him become more motivated?

I think I will probably lay back for a while, and help him if he wants it, and maybe try again in high school if he doesn’t change his worth ethic/habits (or whatever it is that is causing his extreme grade drops).

My other friend commented on how the first and second quarters (the ones he received mostly As and a few Bs on) were easy, and I do remember the teachers saying how the 3rd quarter would be the most rigorous, and maybe he is not adjusting well to the increased courseload/difficulty. My other friend also said that this quarter’s tests/quizzes were more difficult than last semester’s.

He may have become distracted with his girlfriend (although I doubt that is the case [doesn’t seem like it], but they do facetime for hours every night, since she goes to a different school).

8

He has to do those things for himself. It’s not your job, and a friendship where one friend has to nag or parent the other isn’t going to stay a friendship for long.

9

@bodangles Thank you for your input, and I can see that point of view, but from my experience, my very best friends are the ones that parent me/that I parent. We call ourselves a second family (yeah, cheesy, but we are really close), and we often have conversations about helping each other in need, etc.

However, helicopter parenting is not going to help, and he and I both would probably be better off if I simply encouraged him instead of coercing him to study/do better.

10

@raventhemage

6 in the last paragraph is one reason why I don't have a girlfriend. It's for the better.

The 3rd quarter does seem to be the most rigorous.

Don’t tell him to get help. That might make him feel terrible about his grades.

I don’t know if this would help, but some great motivation I find useful when I’m tired of school is this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0