@carolinahbrahh I agree that going out with people helps develop social skills and confidence in social situations, That makes sense. I do not agree that partying ( i.e. frat parties) helps develop the kind of social skills that are necessary in the workplace.
It’s the former.
One faculty member insisted I couldn’t be more than 20 and was only convinced after our conversation turned to past current events in which I mentioned Leona Helmsely’s infamous remark about taxes.
Only then did she realized I was much older than she initially thought as she said no current undergrad or even some younger grad students would have been old enough to remember it well enough to casually bring it up in the conversation the way I did.
@cobrat whats your secret
Carolibabrah: I didn’t party on weekends and didn’t stay in my room either. No I wasn’t at the library. It’s not binary - get wasted/hIgh at a party or sit alone in your room unable to have fun.
We organized parties with friends (no alcohol except sometimes cider), played games, went to the movies, participated in the weekend activities organized on campus, challenged each other to silly things, had snowball battles, went hiking in the fall, went to concerts, went into the city, went sledding at midnight…
For OP : you need to find out if the 'party school ’ ALSO organizes lots of non alcohol based activities for students - ask what all the offered activities were during the weekend of October 26? (random weekend that should be typical).
“I do not feel that “partying” is a necessary way to achieve social skills. In fact, I feel it is used as a crutch to those who cannot socialize”.
I couldn’t agree more. A top consideration in my D’s college search was substance free housing. She is in her second year at an LAC in that type dorm now and is very happy there. Sometimes its more about the quiet than it is about the drug-free.
I too was concerned that the substance-free requirement would mean recovering addicts but that has not been the case at all. In fact, several of D’s friends still go out and have a beer or smoke but they don’t do it in the dorms and for the most part it is minimal and not “partying”. I’m sure there are a few students who may be recovering but she doesn’t know who they are and really, if the worst thing that happens to her is living next to a recovering addict, I’m all good with that.
I’m not sure where or how she got a distaste for partying but it doesn’t run in the family (maybe that’s where? LOL). She can hold her own in ALL social situations and her feelings are often raw and unprocessed, certainly not tempered or lubricated with alcohol/drugs and that makes me very proud. I am someone who prefers a glass of wine before entering a party where I don’t know anyone so I’m not judging.
@MassDaD68: Very well said! I totally agree. Very few translatable social skills are developed at frat parties. And, if the life-of-the-party went on to law school, I would not place my “bet the farm” litigation in his hands for safekeeping!
@cobrat: My personal experience did not bear this out. I had stopped drinking almost completely by my senior year of high school because I realized, like you, that I didn’t see the point in getting wasted and making a fool of myself. I still had fun at FSU, including sometimes going to parties and bars with friends who did drink. I was the one who had a rum and coke with no rum and made sure that no one tried to drive and that everyone got home safely. But FSU is a big school, and there are always other options for entertainment that don’t involve drinking. Whatever your thing is, you can find like-minded people to share it with at a big school.
I went to a Playboy Top Ten Party School and managed to seek out a party only when I felt like it (mainly on the weekends). Hubby went to a Christian school in a dry county and still managed to find the party crowd who partied in the next county. My parents assumed I would go to parties, and we had many talks about appropriate behavior and alcohol consumption … and then they trusted me to make good choices. Hubby’s parents just assumed the alcohol and revelry wouldn’t exist, and he and his friends did not always make good choices. You have to know your child, what their temptations are, and how to handle the pressure.
Commuter colleges offer education without dorm and frat parties.
^^^^^ Agreed. Very safe to commute and live at home.
https://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/media/finalpanel1.pdf may be of interest.
The section starting on page 17 may be of particular interest. The section starting on page 23 describes college characteristics as they relate to high risk drinking.
@blevine @MassDaD68 and they’re awful. There is no advantage to it being safer; it’s probably a disadvantage. It’s not a good thing to shelter college students. They’re adults.
Not necessarily as some commuter/suitcase schools can have hard drinking/party cultures such as a public college a friend transferred out of after one year because he grew fed up with the noise, stepping over vomit of drunken dormmates, rowdy/belligerently drunken classmates on campus, etc.
One nearby well-respected local public commuter college* had a student in the news as a result of his dying while attending a party hosted on another campus by its chapter of his fraternity.
- No dorms so students either commute from home or find an off-campus apt.
The thread was about “Party Schools”. A commuter college by definition, that has no frats nor dorms, cannot be a party school. There may be party kids, those who invited all their friends over in HS whenever the parents are away, to drink, no reason to assume they wont do something similar in college. But that has nothing to do with the school.
My D1 in fact went a a “good” commuter school for a year (not a comm college a 4 year competitive school with no on campus dorms nor frat houses, in an urban area). He went there with a delayed admission to an elite school, with a traditional dorm/frat living style. He was terribly lonely as a freshman, living in an off campus apartment when most students lived at home with parents. He could not wait to transfer. So it’s not for everybody, but he definitely was not exposed to drinking parties. At his 2nd school, it’s there, but he does not participate. He finds other ways to waste time and avoid getting As 
Actually, while one of the commuter colleges I referred to didn’t have dorms, both have fraternities which had plenty of parties on campus and at frat chapters on other campuses.
People, it is “shmooze,” not “smooze”.
The big metro university in my city has both Greeks and dorms, and is definitely a commuter school. I’d guess that fewer than 1% of students live in the dorms (more like apartments). Most live around the city (many in their parents’ homes) and take the light rail or buses to school. The school has a lot of activities on campus, has D2 sports (not football but baseball, basketball, volleyball), has a big student center with a brewery in it, is in an area near the sports stadiums and arenas, so there are plenty of bars and places to eat. It does have huge parking lots which serve the stadiums and arenas on weekends.
Where it is different from a traditional school is that many of the students are older, and many classes are held at night.
I think this is half right. You don’t need to drink heavily to learn social skills, but I think you’re underestimating how difficult it is for some people to develop those skills. I don’t think anyone on the autism spectrum picks up those skills in a matter of weeks or even in a matter of months, unless they were misdiagnosed to begin with.
OP - You might want to take a look at *Paying for the Party." Although the dorm described is a women’s dorm at Indiana University, and a dorm specifically known for attracting students interested in partying, some of the conclusions might be pertinent to your concerns. Some time ago, several of us read and discussed issues raised in this book.
Your kid will probably find his “tribe” no matter where he goes. My D is decidedly not a drinker, and it took her awhile freshman year to find folk who were not cutting loose being away from home for the first time. Led to quite a few Friday night phone calls first semester when she was in her room alone. But, over time she joined activities and met friends that are like minded. As a junior, she now has a great social life at school and parties are not a part of it at all. It can be done.
Also, if your kid is going to drink irresponsibly, that can be done in the privacy of his/her own room. By now you probably know your kid really well and their high school personality usually does not change drastically in college. You should know how much they will be sucked into the wrong circles and begin to mitigate it (as much as any parent can) now before they go away.