Worth keeping as a friend?

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Ha, and here I thought high school drama would stay in highschool.</p>

<p>So I got this buddy who I've been friends with since last semester, we're both freshmen and great bro's. We would always hang out the last semester, going to smoke and shooting the **** about anything and everything, and we became really tight friends. But all that has seemed to changed this semester.</p>

<p>This semester though, things changed. I had to get my act together since I didn't do so hot grade wise last semester, and that meant studying more and spending less time smoking pot. Throw in the fact that I got a girlfriend at the very start of the semester, and worked 20 hours a week, I didn't have nearly as much time to hang out with him (and all my other friends). But that doesn't mean we never talked and chilled. We live in a dorm so I would see and chill a bit with him through the day, and almost every Friday and Saturday I would invite him to come party with me and my girlfriend and all our other friends. We've had some pretty good times this semester. Despite all this, while knowing all of my circumstances, this "great bro" keeps on claiming I don't want want to be friends with him and has twice so far (once a couple days ago) said he's not my friend/doesn't want to be my friend. The first time he got over it by the end of the day, and he's probably the same way now. Both these times all this seemed to come from nowhere, and always ended up with him raging and me sitting their quietly and calmly trying to get him to settle down and explain himself rationally (i.e. not just calling me a jackass or saying I've changed).</p>

<p>Aside from chilling less with him than last semester, the only thing he *****es about are my other friends that I've made this semester, mainly my neighbor that moved in straight across the hall. He claims that all I do is chill with him, and I'm exactly like him now. But the fact is, the only reason me and him "chill" together much at all is because he lives straight down the hall from me and we both like playing halo. So we'll play a few games of halo here and there through out the day, but apart from that, the only time I really chill with anyone that isn't my girlfriend is on saturdays and fridays. Plus he says he doesn't like him and my other new friends because "they don't have intelligent conversations" and that they're "jackass's", little tidbits of their personalities that shouldn't have anything to do with how you judge some one.</p>

<p>So what all this amounts to is that for all my efforts to try and stay friends with this guy have been met with rage and childish remarks. His only real reasons of starting this is the fact that he doesn't like some of my new friends and doesn't like that I'm spending less time with him due to school/work/girlfriend, even though I'm trying my best to stay friends with him (and the rest of my friends, who all seem to understand...). So now we get to the question. Is he worth keeping as a friend?</p>

<p>A note should be said be said about my friend though, he's bipolar (diagnosed) and has had a rough life, he has abandonment issues according to some of my other friends. He also self medicates heavily, with pot, alcohol and various other substances (basically everything but what the doctor prescribed). He's somewhat suicidal and I've talked about it many times with him, and I've always told him he needs to get professional help, ASAP, but he says it never works. The other day I even heard that he doesn't know if he'll "make it through this summer", which is disturbing but may be relevant here.</p>

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<p>Get him professional help. If you don’t you will have legal and moral issues on your hands.</p>

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<p>How? Me and our close friends have tried getting him to go get some, but he always refuses.</p>

4

<p>I think the best way to get him some help would be to contact someone. You just have to figure out who would be the best person to get in touch with. Have you ever met his parents? that would be a good place to start. If not then isn’t there someone that keeps watch at the dorms where you live? Maybe the RA can point you in the right direction.</p>

<p>You have to do something, because if he is that unstable and has suicidal ideations, you are going to feel really awful if he acts on it. Telling him to get help or that he needs help is not going to make any difference.</p>

<p>It is obvious that you are a good friend, and that you care. Most people would have stayed away from him from the time he started acting all dramatic and weird. The problem is that he most likely can’t help acting out the way that he does. He could have gone off of his meds, if he takes them. If he is on medication the smoking and drinking could be screwing with the way that it works. Tell someone what is going on, someone that can do something about it, even if you do it anonymously</p>

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<p>To me it sounds like he was more or less dependent on you. Does he have other friends on campus other than you? If not, it’s common for one to become jealous and exhibit feelings of hate and anger when the person they depend on goes off and makes plans with other people. If that’s the case, he’s not really angry with you but he’s seeking for you to notice his desperateness and tend to it. I know a lot of people pretend to be suicidal or violent to get noticed. I’m not by any means saying that he’s not authentically depressed or what have you, but there’s a possibility that it’s a game. </p>

<p>If he DOES have a lot of other friends, it’s an entirely different story. He’s either trying to instill feelings of guilt just to be a jackass, or has something else up his sleeve. Not to cross the boundaries or anything, but might he be gay and have a crush on you? And be jealous of your girlfriend? Since things started going downhill when you got a girlfriend, that leads me to think that started his jealousy. Just a thought. </p>

<p>I’d sit down and talk to him. Be frank and only opt for legit responses from him. If you don’t get anything good from him, I’d say to find his parents on FB and ask them and if that fails to call the police. That might be the only way to get him looked at and listened to by a higher authority.</p>

<p>And as far as your question, it’s too early to tell. You need to know his motives behind his behavior.</p>

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<p>His relationship with his parents is rough to say the least. Over winterbreak I got a call from him in the middle of my shift say that he had just been kicked out and needed a ride, and none of his other friends would help him. So I pulled some strings with my boss and got off early, then picked him up with all his **** and drove him to campus. Over 2 hours in total of driving. This kind of stuff always happens with this guy, and I’m always the one helping him out. And yet he doesn’t seem to appreciate it (Ironically he gives me **** for not appreciating what I have).</p>

<p>This guy is in the same friend circle as I am, and we know a lot of the same people outside of it. He doesn’t lack friends. And I don’t think he’s gay, because me and him would have a lot of bro talks about chicks and he would always complain how he could never get the girls he likes to like him. But that was mostly last semester, I’m not sure he’s paid attention to any girl in specific since then.</p>

<p>He doesn’t take his meds, says they don’t work. And he doesn’t want to see any professional help because he claims every service costs money. This shouldn’t matter though, since he’s able to pick up a sack of weed and booze just about every week, but god forbid he loses those. I know he’s on medicaid, which I think should pay for his appointments… but im not positive on that one. His RA does know about his problems and so does everyone in our friend circle. He doesn’t want help. </p>

<p>As of right now, he’s avoiding me and is probably still *<strong><em>ed. Also he has a tendency to start *</em></strong> talking as soon as he starts to dislike someone, and will probably cause some drama in my friend group, possibly alienating me with some people. So at this point advice from me is out of the question, and calling in any authorities based on stuff I heard weeks ago won’t do anything either. The only thing I get to do now is watch him cause drama for the rest of my friends, and collect all the stuff he borrowed from me this semester. Some friend…</p>