I am 25 and boyfriend is 22 (almost 23). I am currently in grad school and my boyfriend is graduating from undergrad and his ceremony is this week. We have been together for 1 year (this month is our 1 year) and just moved in together. I go to events with his family and he goes to events with my family, but our families have never met (i.e., my parents have never met his parents). His family treats me like family and my family treats him like family.
His mom asked if my parents would like to go to his graduation and come to dinner with them afterwards. My boyfriend doesn’t care either way, and already has a bunch of family coming to watch him graduate (his family is very close). I asked my mom, and she said her and my dad would be available to go to the graduation and dinner. But it occurred to me - would it be weird if my parents attended, especially since they have never met anyone in his family? They also aren’t that close with my boyfriend since he’s a very shy person and takes a very long time to be comfortable around others. I am the only person in the entire world he’s completely comfortable around. So even though he’s the sweetest guy on the planet, he’s still very shy around my family so they still have a lot to learn about him.
Anyways, would it be weird if they came to watch him graduate? I understand them coming to dinner because there will be tons of people there, but it just seems a bit odd if they come to his actual graduation? I’ve already invited them lol. If it may be a bit weird, how can I politely “uninvited” them? My boyfriend honestly doesn’t care either way, but say they may get bored afterwards when they’re just standing there while his family takes a billion photos lol.
No. Sounds like a nice occasion to celebrate and a good excuse for the families to meet one another. Considering you’ve just moved in together, there is a level of commitment there. It was nice of your boyfriend’s mom to invite them.
Coming from a shy guy that went through something similar decades ago, I suggest not overthinking this. While I am still shy, life and parental experience has made social situations much easier. I suspect both families will be able to approach the situation with openness, positivity, and have a fun time.
I would also add that my family and my wife’s family are VERY different, yet can mingle surprisingly well.
No, not weird at all. I think it’s so nice that his parents invited them. They are probably well aware how quiet he is so it will be nice for them to be able to fill your parents in a bit about what he is really like. Also, it will be nice for you to have someone to talk to as his family is taking all the family pictures.
I don’t think it’s weird, and moreover it’s always easier to meet people under happy circumstances like a graduation, which if nothing else at least provides talking points to kick off the sometimes awkward breaking the ice.
My daughter’s GF’s parents came to her high school graduation and to dinner with us after. They were in town for the start or her vacation, so they came.
It’s not weird, but graduation ceremonies don’t have a reputation for being particularly exciting events, at least for most of the spectators. They are known for being (or at least feeling) rather long.
If possible (if boyfriend’s family doesn’t mind), give your parents the option of skipping the ceremony and just meeting up at the restaurant for dinner. If they WANT to come to the ceremony, that’s perfectly okay too.
If my kids have asked me to go to ther BF’s graduation it would signal something to me and it would definitely signal something to his side of family too. The question is if you are at that level of relationship. I personally wouldn’t want to meet my kid’s SO parents until they were close to engagement. My younger daughter has been going out with someone for 3+ years and I have not met the BF’s parents. If she should ask me to have dinner with his parents when they are in town then it would tell me something.
If your parents sit through the ceremony for someone they don’t know because that person is important to you, you can know that they totally support your relationship. And it’s a nice way for the families to share a meal and get to know one another. Also, congrats to the BF!
A little different, but when I was graduating with my PhD, my DH and I had been married for 6 months. I’d told my family that I considered my dissertation defense to be my true graduation, and they wouldn’t understand it (chemical engineering, with a plasma kinetics topic) so to not bother coming half way across the country for it. I loved my defense–my presentation went well, I handled even the trickiest questions from my committee well, and. I was surrounded by my grad student friends, including DH.
And then DH’s parents wanted to come (across the country) for my actual graduation ceremony which I had previously been considering not attending… They even bought my doctorate hood for me. My mother in law just LOVES grad ceremonies–seriously! So I went, walked the stage to get hooded, which was honestly pretty cool, and took copious pictures with DH and his parents–none of my family was there. But it was cool, and I got to know his parents a lot better that weekend. We have an awesome relationship to this day.
Never turn down people who want to celebrate accomplishnents of yours or your loved ones!
Huge difference between new in-laws come for a PhD graduation vs parents of 1 year old relationship attending college graduation.
In my opinion, too many parents become too vested in their kid’s relationships and they get upset when relationship doesn’t work out. I would buy a present for the BF, but I don’t think I would attend a graduation withe all of his family.
When D1 graduated from college, her then BF’s (now husband) parents were in town to visit their parents. They did not come to the graduation, but did stop by the graduation party we threw for her friends & families. D1 had visited the parents a few times, and likewise for her BF to my house. They were quite serious by then, but not at a point they knew it was going to be more permanent.