Would someone care to read over and give me feedback on my SAP appeal letter?

Paying for College
1

Financial Aid Appeals Committee
Office of Financial Aid

Subject: Request for Appeal of SAP Cancellation Status

Dear Committee,

I am writing to appeal my current SAP Cancellation Status, as there is information pertaining to the decision that may not have been known during the ruling process.

In early August when I was preparing to begin my ____ career, my grandmother was admitted to a nursing home in ______ due to unexpected illness. Me and my family were able to make our unknowingly first and last visit on August 31st. On September 1st, she passed away at the nursing center. My grades were substantial, but slightly before this point, course content began to pick up, and having never dealt with death before, my focus was hindered and my ability to keep up with assignments began to falter; I did not know how to handle it nor did I seek out help for the emotional issues that arose. This led to me missing key lectures and assignments in all of my classes, which I take full responsibility for. By the end of November, having missed drop dates and not having the necessary knowledge of material to recover, my GPA was greatly affected and I finished the semester poorly.

I began my Spring 2015 semester determined and started strong. But around mid-April, my GPA began to lower due largely in part to my lack of understanding of course material and my irresponsibility in handling the freedom of an online class and social relationships. On the morning of May 3rd, one of my closest friends and floormates named ______ passed away. Unable to cope with another close personal loss in such a short span, inability to handle death once again led to me losing motivation to complete class assignments and seeking refuge in alcohol consumption. I rarely felt able to leave the vicinity of my room, and with finals approaching rapidly, my dilemma led to me failing to attend most of my tests further harming my GPA.

Since then, with family help, I have come to terms with the passing of both my grandmother and my friend ___. Doing extensive research on classes and majors has better prepared me for future college coursework. After meeting with an advisor and carefully picking out a schedule for next semester, my decision was to study under the Information Science major, which is a field that I am certain I will be satisfied to practice and achieve great success in. Also, thanks to much emotional maturation, I realized how important it is to maintain a level-head and make rational, sound decisions in times of distress instead of using toxic alternatives that may be detrimental to me achieving my goals. My desire to attend is very high, and I am devoted to overcoming future obstacles and putting all of my focus towards schoolwork to show for it. I will be more involved in campus life, develop positive relationships, and utilize the campus’ resources more for emotional and academic assistance. Being the eldest of 3, a 2nd generation college student and son of a single mother, I still strive to be a positive influence for my younger siblings, those around me, and my entire family.

I hope this information offers more clarity about my difficulties. Thank you for taking the time to review my appeal.

Respectfully,

2

You have grammatical errors in your first few sentences. And what does “my grades were substantial” mean?

Please reread this letter. Check your grammar and spelling. Don’t use semi colons to end sentences. Use periods.

I’m also not really clear on what actions you have taken…and will continue to take to make decent grades.

3

I’ve taken note of my misuse of the word “substantial” and will correct my grammatical errors.

I appreciate the feedback.

4

Specifically fix this: “Me and my family were able to …” If you took out “my family,” would you really say to someone “Me was able to”? In addition to the two deaths, you list problems with online courses and social relationships. How have you addressed those problems? Maybe you should leave those out. The paragraph about picking a major is too rambling. How about replacing that section with, “With the help of my advisor, I have decided to major in Information Science. I am really excited about it.” Finally, the second generation college student thing is very common and not notable. It is stronger to say, “As the oldest child in the family and the son of a single mother, …”
Finally, I agree with poster above who says you need to end with a description of the specific actions you will take. Good luck.

5

Also noted. I am very thankful for this feedback you guys and i’m positive you may have helped me form the basis of an acceptable letter.

6

I have revised it and would like your input.

Dear Committee,

I am writing to appeal my current SAP Cancellation Status, as there is information pertaining to the decision that may not have been known during the ruling process.

In late August, while I was beginning my college career, my grandmother was admitted to a nursing home in _____ due to unexpected illness. My family and I were able to make our first and unknowingly last visit on August 31st. On September 1st, she passed away at the nursing center. My grades were good by this point, however, course content began to pick up in all my classes. Having never dealt with death before, my focus was hindered and my ability to keep up with assignments began to falter. I did not know how to handle it nor did I seek out help for the emotional issues that arose. This led to me missing key lectures and assignments, which I take full responsibility for. By the end of November, having missed drop-dates and not having the necessary knowledge of material to recover, my GPA was greatly affected and I finished the semester poorly.

During my Spring 2015 semester, on the morning of May 3rd, one of my closest friends, and dorm room neighbor, named _____ passed away. Having to cope with another close personal loss in such a short span, my inability to handle death once again led to me losing motivation to complete class assignments and to seek refuge in alcohol consumption. I rarely felt able to leave the vicinity of my room, and with finals approaching rapidly, my dilemma led to me failing to attend most of my final exams, hurting my GPA greatly.

Since the end of my first year, with help and support from family and friends, I was able to come to terms with the passing of both my grandmother and my friend _, and have stopped drinking entirely. After conducting extensive research on classes and meeting with an advisor, I have carefully picked out a schedule for next semester that I am positive is the fresh start I will need to display my full capabilities within a major program I am excited to study under, Information Science. I have also looked into the terms of an Academic Plan, should one semester of exceptional performance not be enough to be within the requirements of Satisfactory Academic Progress, I am confident that with one I would be able to recover fully and keep consistently performing well. Also, thanks to much emotional maturation, I realized how important it is to maintain a level-head and make rational decisions in times of distress instead of using toxic alternatives that would be detrimental to me achieving my goals. My desire to attend _ is very high, and I know that because of my recent experiences and new-found stability, I can soar to the top of my potential with federal help. Being involved in campus life, developing positive relationships with peers and professors alike, and utilizing the campus’ resources more for emotional/academic assistance are all apart of my mission for the rest of my time at ____, with more objectives to help me succeed sure to come along. As the oldest child in my family and son of a single mother, I strive to be a positive influence for my younger siblings, and those around me.

I hope this information offers more clarity about my difficulties, how I have overcome them and how prepared I am to stay consistent through future hardships. Thank you for taking the time to review my appeal. Included are funeral notices for my grandmother and my friend ____, my Advisement Record (which I have been instructed by my advisor to include as there are no degree plans for my major yet) and a letter of character from one of my instructors.

Respectfully,