We started saving in 529s when the kids were toddlers, as we knew that financial aid was going to be highly unlikely. We wanted the kids to have the ability to go wherever they wanted-- not to have to look for merit.
I wouldn’t touch retirement funds, that’s nuts, but the budget should have been thought out ahead of time.
Personally I would never touch the retirement accounts. I would give up the wedding funds for a better school, but that’s just me.
Not touching retirement accounts and in our family we do not have wedding funds and we will never have so that is not an issue. If I had enough money between the 529, salary and my kids borrowing I would consider paying a full pay school versus free ride mostly for fit. I think one of my kids would do much better in a smaller school so if I had to choose between free ride in big school versus full pay in small school I would seriously consider it.
My husband is an EE. He is a member of IEEE. He does hiring at his engineering firm.
He does not pay salaries based on the college from which a student gets a degree. He pays based on relevant work experience. In other words, an entry level engineer from MIT would get the same starting salary as an entry level engineer from University of Hartford.
But back to the original question…
Our kid was an engineering major. This family made all decisions about the potential for attending schools before the applications were sent…factoring in what we thought we could pay. Lur kids applied to colleges knowing that they would be able to choose from acceptances they received.
We would not cosign loans, mortgage our house, or withdraw money from retirement accounts to fund college…and they knew that.
One kid did choose the more expensive school (by a lot) but we knew going in what the potential costs could be…for all of her college choices.
@thumper We noticed some small differences based on school for starting salaries. They were gone by year 10. Our personal assessment was that spending a quarter of a million dollars for an “elite” engineering degree when there was no financial benefit was not worth it. And no one said that salaries were everything @juliet but if we are going to pay a quarter of a million dollars you would expect some financial benefit in addition to the intangibles. And since you can track electrical engineering salaries specifically based on undergraduate school why wouldn’t you at least look.
@TV4caster What did she choose?
Well…
This is totally hypothetical for me as full pay anywhere but the state schools wasn’t in the budget! And there’ll be nothing left for graduate school, any wedding help will be very modest (if it exists at all), and help with a down payment on a house? Are you kidding me? No. At some point, bank of mom and dad closes. Not touching my 401Ks. Period. Or money in any sibling’s college account.
BUT, the college fund is the college fund. When the kid and I had the money talk before the a single application was sent, she got a budget. If the budget given was full pay, then I would be true to my word. If the kid were to come in under budget, the leftover college fund would be hers to do with as she pleased (we suggested it putting it towards a car as one needs to get around and the college beater will probably be on its last legs), but if the kid wanted full pay and that was within the budget I gave, then full pay it would be.
Doesn’t this student have until May first to make her choice?
I see that engineering is not the for sure major. It sounds like she is uncertain. And it sounds like you at VA residents. If that is the case, there are wonderful instate public options that many OOS students would love to attend. MANY.
We always assumed we would be full pay, so we never talked about the possibility of having a discount. It was a completely surprise to us when D1 was offered a full tuition at a second tier LAC. It had very good reputation in the NE. We discussed it as a family and decided on a full pay top tier school for D1. .
We gave her a limit of what UVA would cost us as in-state residents. Right now tuition is ~14k/yr. The 109k school is Alabama and that is not how much it will cost, but the amount of her scholarship.
@mom2collegekids We are IS for UVA. She got $2k/yr from SLO which makes them approx 4k/yr more than UVA. She is debating whether to take on that extra debt herself to go there. GMU only offered 2k/yr which makes them 2+k cheaper than UVA but she didn’t like them and we would never make her go there over that difference. There are no “in between” choices (other than the slight GMU difference which might even be negated by NoVa housing costs). UVA is probably about tied as the cheapest of all the options.
@BrownParent We wouldn’t be giving up any current retirement savings. The difference is the $14k/yr that I would have to pay versus putting that into retirement savings.
@profparent see the above comment
@SlackerMomMD She is the 3rd (and last) child. #2 finishes at UVA this Fall. #1 finishes next Spring. The other choices were all more than UVA and she is still considering SLO and taking loans for the extra 4k/yr that it would cost.
@frazzled1 We wouldn’t necessarily be risking our retirement, but it would mean working a bit longer.
@donnaleighg our budget was thought out ahead of time and very clearly articulated. That is why we agreed to pay the full pay IS tuition, like we agreed. I also have a 529 that I can use for her. If she had taken the huge merit we could have either used the 529 for another kid’s masters or gotten the money back (minus a 10% penalty).
@am9799 you hit the nail of the head! She feels the IS option is a much better fit than the big merit school.
@gearmom She has chosen UVA although she still wants to consider SLO and may be willing to take on loans for the 4k/yr extra (or get an RA job since I said I would pay the higher rate if she was saving me that in R&B costs).
@ordinarylives I agree, and that is exactly what we did.
@thumper1 Yes, May1. I also realize how blessed we are to have UVA as an option.
It is hard to answer these in hypotheticals as my kids did not apply to schools low enough in the “ranks” that a full ride would have been possible. However, none went to full pay and took either similar or slightly lower ranked with merit or went to instate big public.
I might stretch for a super elite in many fields, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here. I would not pay more simply because a kid would rather be in a particular location.
Many post that the parents should set a specific price limit ahead of time. I found that hard to do, as it depends on the options in both acceptances and money come April. I am also a bit pessimistic about the economy which makes me reluctant to pay $63K and up per year. The stock market is doing well now but that will probably not last which will have an impact on retirement (and other savings). And nobody’s job is completely secure. For those reasons, college at a discount, but still a high price, makes sense for our family.
@TV4caster, do you think that UVA would be a better fit for this d than for your older d? I ask because you’ve posted so many threads about your older d’s disappointing experience there.(Didn’t realize you had two older children there.)
So "Bama would be $109K cheaper than UVA instate? What about the engineering issue? In this case, if I had said she could go to UVA I would hold to that. Especially if i thought that UVA was a better fit than Bama. But if she wants engineering than Cal poly SLO or Bama might be better choices so she could pursue engineering.
@frazzled1 YES, YES, YES! They are complete opposites. We didn’t think my middle child would be happy there, and we were correct. We do think this one will like it there. My oldest is at another big state school, not UVA.
@mom2and No, not 109 cheaper because the OOS tuition is higher than the IS UVA tuition. We already told DD that we have no problem honoring what we said. The Eng issue is a complicating one, though.
Keep in mind that an 18 year old has very limited knowledge of what $100,000 in loans really means. It’s just numbers and we as parents have to guide them. So, encouraging them to strongly consider a scholarship over a full pay school is our job! I’m fairly sure that your child did not get a scholarship to an awful option so he/she should definitely consider all options. Many posting here must not mind going into debt, they have a lot saved or deep pockets. When I tell my D I can not afford NYU even with the generous scholarship they offered I do feel a little bad BUT it’s not a measure of my love! My love is unconditional but I don’t have that much money! Some parents have to understand when they state they are paying full tution somewhere and it cost $64,000 a year it sounds unimaginable!
We may not be able to retire as soon as we’d like, but we told our kids thanks to some well (or poorly!) timed grandparent inheritances we could send them anywhere. An education is our gift to them. A fancy wedding probably isn’t in the cards. I hope they don’t want one! We weren’t taking anything out of retirement, just not putting a windfall into it. If we are paupers in our old age we’ll move in with the oldest who has more money than he knows what to do with and shows no signs of acquiring a partner or kids. 
JK.
Both kids had merit offers they turned down at schools we considered considerably down the ladder of the schools they actually attended, but neither had full rides anywhere.
It would be much easier to consider this question (for you, your daughter, and everyone else) to evaluate the options if you looked at them in terms of net price after applying financial aid grants and merit scholarships, as well as the contribution limit you previously gave to her before she made her application list. Listing just the scholarship amounts makes the comparison more complicated to evaluate.
Based on the scholarship information you gave:
GMU: $24,000 per year in-state after $2,000 scholarship
UVA: $29,000 per year is in-state list price in engineering
CPSLO: $35,000 per year after $2,000 scholarship
Alabama: $40,000 per year is list price; any scholarships?
Pitt: $41,000 per year is list price for engineering; any scholarships?
But what school is the full ride option, and what was your previously given contribution limit? If your contribution limit was UVA’s list price, then GMU and UVA would not require loans or work for her. CPSLO would require $6,000 per year of loans and/or work for her, and Alabama and Pitt would be real stretches (not a good idea when there are cheaper options) at $11,000 and $12,000 per year of loans and/or work for her.
The engineering thing is tough. Hard for a 17 or 18 yo to know for sure whether they really want to be an engineer or even which specialty to go into. And then to make the choice of schools based on something that may or may not end up being what they want to do. Hopefully, it will all become clear.
You could give your kid a pessimal estimate based on a worst case scenario, letting him/her know that at least one safety should be affordable within that, and give another estimate based on a reasonable expectation scenario of household finances.
Not giving any estimate means setting up the kid for disappointment later after the joy of admission turns to let-down when most or all of them are too expensive. (Which is why when a high school student asks “what colleges to apply to?” but his/her parents won’t tell him/her the cost constraints or financial aid parameters, a merit-scholarship-seeking application list is often advised, since the kid in this case needs to assume the worst case scenario of parents too wealthy to get financial aid but unable or unwilling to contribute.)