I would think that any parent who made a pre-application promise of a specific amount of parental contribution would honor such a promise if there were not unanticipated significant adverse changes in the household financial situation.
A parent who backs out of such a promise with no obvious reason based on unanticipated significant adverse changes in the household financial situation (including future ones that are known now but were not known previously) would be telling the kid that s/he is untrustworthy, damaging the future relationship between the parent and kid.
Obviously, a parent should not make such promises lightly, and should make conservative estimates, keeping in mind retirement savings and younger siblings’ potential college costs.
However, thinking of it in terms of scholarship amounts is misleading. The $109k scholarship is from an out-of-state list price of about $164k at Alabama (so net price of about $55k, or perhaps less if commuting from aunt’s place is considered), while the list price option of in-state UVA is about $116k and in-state GMU is about $96k, so the “$109k scholarship” option is really about $41k to $61k (not $109k) less than the “list price” options. (all of these prices include room and board, not just tuition)
When making cost comparisons, net price is what matters.
We chose full pay, instate, by default, since our kids did not apply for merit elsewhere and we did not require them to do so. I am glad you plan to honor your commitment, should she decide to not take the full ride at Alabama. From your description, she sounds ambivalent about the USNA. That may be difficult if she doea get off their waitlist if she is not fully onboard with the rigor and level of commitment that a service academy involves.
Yes, you aren’t really saving $109k if she goes to UVA or SLO, you are ‘saving’ the $60k or so from UVA and $80k or so from SLO if she goes to Alabama. Alabama could be $109k or 1million - doesn’t matter as you aren’t paying it.
Many people have answered your original question and that is they would not force the ‘free’ choice. In fact, knowing the schools now, I’d prioritize as UVA, then SLO, then Bama, unless getting into engineering directly is important. Just as a personal preference and all within budget.
@Dreadpirit There are many good engineering schools. OP’s choices were between a good/very good university and an “elite” one. I said I would not pay for an elite one. I didn’t say be stupid and choose an underperforming university. DH just went to our state school UG for EE and is at the top of his field and top of his pay scale, over 150K. Just imagine what he could have done if he had actually learned the material and hadn’t cheated himself, eh? You determine your own destiny in engineering and you are always learning your whole life or you fall behind. Always. You work with people who have graduated from a wide range schools from MIT to UState and you all do the same work and you all get paid about the same. In the real world they don’t give two shakes about the pedigree if you can’t hit the mark at work. For the most part, it’s about what you can do and not where you went right after you walk through that door that first time. Heck some of the best innovators never even finished college. Certainly YMMV and it’s your choice and none of my business if you want to spend a quarter of a million dollars on undergrad school. I went to both a state school for UG in engineering and a very good grad school and did not find them very different (very disappointed actually). ABET controls consistency to a good degree. But I’ll fix the statement for you, which ABET accredited school you go for undergrad doesn’t matter much but don’t be stupid and choose a low performing school.
My son is in a similar situation. He has a full-ride offer on the table, and several other affordable offers that are not full-rides but are within the budget we determined early on. Of course I’m tempted to encourage him to take the full-ride school, but I really want him to pick the school that is the best match for him too, and the school that he’s most excited about attending. After all, this is the next four years of his life! He seems to be leaning towards the full-ride school anyways, but if he changes his mind, I’ll keep my commitment and pay for any of the other affordable schools. That’s why having “The Talk” is so important, prior to sending off applications. You set a reasonable budget, everyone agrees, and everyone sticks to it, no matter what.
Door #1: Private Podunk College - $250K for 4 years
Door #2: Various In-state Public U’s - $70K-$90K for 4 years
Door #3: Full ride OOS - $50K for 4 years
Suffice to say, every time I see a Tesla in the neighborhood, I can’t help but think that I can have 2.5 of those in my garage. I guess both of us just can’t say no to the kido. :o)
I believe the majority of parents really go into the college application process blind. They don’t realize that there are so many variables at play. The student applies and gets in and then the parents look at the numbers and are in shock.
My feeling is that unless you have a substantial amount of money already saved you should go to the school where the finances and rank come together.
You just never know what may happen. Loss of job, loss of health insurance, illness. We all want to believe we can work until its all paid off but for many it is not the case. If you handcuff yourself and/or your kids with debt your stress level skyrockets along with expectations of one another. Financial stress can destroy your relationships and your health.
Very briefly, we had a similar decision to make with our son. His choices ranged full pay Cornell at top of ranking and full ride +++ many perks honors college (47 rank)as his safety. There were 8 other options in between.
He chose full ride even although it was not the best fit. He wildly succeeded ( published paper, 2 research positions, one great internship, Phi Beta Kappa). He earned two degrees physics and also BS in engineering. He went off to a top physics Phd program.
Then he decided after all those years he wanted to do computer science. Left his Phd program and got a great paying engineer job which is paying for his CSEE degree at a top 5 program
This is just one example of a smart kid being successful at his safety. There were many more at his school and there are many, many more kids like this all over the country.
You are not being a bad parent and sentencing your kid to a horrible life by asking him to go to a lessor ranked college.
Give yourself and your student the gift of financial security.
I could have written your post. It is true for both my dh and ds who are both chemEs. Nobody cares where they went to school. They care that they get the job done. They both work alongside “name brand” engineering schools grads. When my dh receives calls directly from the global VP commending him for his work, do you think he cares where my dh earned his degree? We have lived internationally where my dh was the lead start-up engineer, etc.
What is the key to their success? Not only that they are great engineers, they know how to work with all types of people. They can relate to the process technicians in the plant as well as top professionals. And they are hard workers who are willing to take responsibility. FWIW, compensation is based on job performance, not origin of degree. Bonuses, etc, are based on individual rating.
Haven’t read the whole thread, but in this hypothetical, which is apparently about engineering school options, is the premise really “full ride” or is it actually “full tuition”? The hypothetical $109K figure sounds like a full tuition offer ($27K/yr), with potential OOP expenses that could range from (another hypothetical) $10k- $25K ish. Under that circumstance, the responses may differ. Both my s’s went to schools and graduated with ABET approved engineering degrees. Costs of their schools were significantly different due to merit awards ,but both are doing fabulously. In the hypothetical, the OP sounded like they were weighing the cost of an education vs a wedding. If I were the dau, I’d take the education, hands down.
I do not think there is an easy answer to this question because there are so many variables. My daughter received significant merit to 6 schools - one with full tuition. All of these schools suddenly became very very affordable, however she did not like them. I made the mistake ( and so did she) of thinking she would like an honors program in a large OOS college- wrong. The truth is that my daughter did not have a true safety by CC standards- one that she loves, has her major, and is hands down affordable. I believe that some kids are more adaptable and have an easier time finding the true safety school. Some kids can be happy almost everywhere- my kid will not. We went back and visited all of these schools- some of them for the 4th time. The truth is that she started to get very very sad and truly could not envision herself at these schools for 4 years. I did not force the issue- I did not have the heart to force her to attend a school that was not the right fit. We then narrowed it down to two other schools: one smaller selective school that offered her a half tuition scholarship, and one top 20 meets full need school that offered us financial aid and uses the fafsa EFC ( despite being a profile school). Both schools are about the same price, although I understand that the half tuition scholarship makes it easier to know the exact cost for all 4 years. At the end of the day I will let her choose between these two options ( decision has been made). We eliminated several schools that will cost a little bit more. Are we paying more than we originally anticipated when this process began? Absolutely. I always envisioned my daughter loving a school with an honors college that threw her enormous merit aid- but I thought wrong, and she did not get the large merit awards at the top top schools. Will the increased cost impact our retirement? No. We are positioned very nicely for retirement and our house is just about paid for. This is a difficult decision to make and it will be different for everybody. I still struggle with the idea of " forcing" the large merit aid schools, but at the end of the day I will not be able to drop her off and leave, wondering if she will find peace and happiness.
I think that money does play a role but fit and comfort does as well. If there was a huge difference in the amount of aid offered, I would choose the school with the larger amount of aid for the purpose of financial security, although my parents will not push me to.
I took the Honors route at OOs public. Half the cost of other choices. It was my only safety, too. Never really happy there, and graduated in 3 years. It felt very important to me to give my son more choices. He’s an “only”, so I wasn’t worried about other children wanting the same options. The college he chose was the 3rd most expensive, but could not see him fitting in to our flagship or U Miami (which would have been free tuition for him). I’ve known other FL kids go OOS for engineering or CS.
Middle daughter (a college sophomore) faced the Alabama/UVA decision. We are out of state for UVA and UA and didn’t require her to take the full ride, but strongly suggested that she weigh the costs and benefits of each option. UVA didn’t even end up among her final choices. From her perspective the vibe at UA and UVA is extremely similar. As an extremely practical and frugal person, she simply could not justify spending $200,000 on UVA when she could go to UA for free.
She hasn’t looked back and has made the most of what UA has to offer. She is studying a subject in which UA has a high national ranking. She is working hard and acing her classes. Her professors have taken an interest in helping her advance in her field. She has an internship this summer which will pay her more than I will make during the same time frame as a lawyer working for the government. She has been able to take advantage of significant leadership opportunities and she has had a chance to make a difference on campus and in the community,. She keeps getting more scholarship money each year. Best of all, she is having a ball and has an amazing group of friends. Her AP credits and the honors college registration preference have meant that she has been able to get not only every class, but the exact section she wanted every semester, in both of her majors – even though one of her majors is quite popular.
Maybe she would have had all the same opportunities at UVA, but UA really is an exceptional school that offers amazing opportunities for high performing students who take the initiative and pick up the ball and run – on the football field or off.
@paying4collegex4 Our ds’s experience is the same. He loves UA and thinks his professors are wonderful. He has 2 in particular who are encouraging and supportive in his career goals. He is also surrounded by a great group of highly motivated, academic kids who all enjoy similar interests. He is having a great time.
Dh finished our taxes today. As much as it going to hurt to pay the large tax bill that is due because of the kiddie tax rate for his non-tuition scholarship $$, it makes usvery aware of what a blessing his attending on full scholarship is. We don’t have thousands of $$ readily available without it impacting everyone in the family’s daily activities. (For us it is x8 and this ds is #4.) Roll Tide! We have nothing but 100% positive things to say about its fit for our top high-achieving student.
