<p>Not only am I a parent of a senior but I am also a part time teacher of government and economics. I have had a few students approach me for recommendations. SO far, I have written one and sent it. My question regards the second request. I have had a student who was in my class last year request a recommendation. She is applying to basically only top level schools. She does have perfect scores and she is a URM so I am thinking my recommendation will not matter much no matter what I write. My issue is that she marked the do not waive box even though I had told her I would not write a recommendation letter for her if I wasn't actually going to recommend her. She is doing the common application and she isn't applying to any of the schools my own d is applying. If she hadn't marked the no box, I would have generally written a complimentary recommendation and actually recommended her more highly to some schools than others. Would you all change anything considering her checking the no box? Should I omit all explanatory notes about her circumstances (she has very limited EC because the family has many children and one car)? Should I simply check the true boxes (while she may have perfect scores and she did get A"s in my classes, she wasn't the top student and wasn't as well prepared as a number of the others) and then write a recommendation talking about her writing at which she is very good)?</p>
<p>What does the ‘do not waive box’ mean?</p>
<p>This is my 2c…you should write a recommendation that is genuine. Whether the student is applying to schools same or different from your daughter is irrelevant. You should not make assumptions as to whether the recommendation will matter or not</p>
<p>From how the student has been described, a positive recommendation can be honestly written. It just may not be the most glowing of recommendations eg. "Mary is an excellent student and writer’ vs. ‘Mary is the most focused and determined student I’ve had in 30 years of teaching’</p>
<p>(caveat: I have no experience with school application recommendations, but do have experience in writing recommendations in the work place)</p>
<p>My rule is, if I’m writing something I wouldn’t want the subject of the letter to see, I shouldn’t be writing it (either the sentence or the entire letter, depending). I usually offer a photocopy of the letter to my students as a courtesy in any case. (Not a writer of recs for high schools, though, so take with appropriate amount of salt.</p>
<p>I would talk to the student and explain that most schools and recommenders really prefer that students waive the right to see the recommendation, because then the recommendation is seen as genuine and honest. The student only needs to print out the form a second time and check the box for waiving.</p>
<p>The student may not know about the preference schools and teachers have, or the benefits for students from checking “yes.”</p>
<p>She may have checked the wrong box by accident.</p>
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<p>Yes, or before knowing about it. With the CommonApp, once you submit that you would like to waive / not waive, you cannot change that (unless you personally contact CommonApp)… I know of a few people who submitted the agreement before realizing that colleges and recommenders may prefer that they waive the right to see letters.</p>
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<p>A NO checked in the waiver box says that IF she gets into the school for which the recommendation was written and IF she matriculates there and IF the school keeps the recommendation as part of her student file, THEN she can ask to see that recommendation. My question: why would you care what your teacher said in the recommendation when you were accepted to the school?</p>
<p>If you are uncomfortable writing a recommendation under those circumstances, I would tell her that you don’t write recommendations when the waiver box isn’t checked.</p>
<p>@op
Let me preface by saying its late and I might not be reading correctly. It may be clearer if answers are provided.</p>
<p>For student number one, there is no indication in your post, if that student had perfect score, applying to top schools, is a URM or checked the do not waive box . For that student you wrote a recommendation and submitted. As such, I will infer that student one does not fit in any of those categories.</p>
<p>Student number two. You have pointed out all the above AND state that you believe your recommendation will not matter what you write. Why is that? From your posts, you have been on CC awhile, to see there are daily threads discussing the holistic approach of an application, so of course your complimentary recommendation would help.</p>
<p>I am just confused on why it matters whether the student checked the waiver box or not when you stated you would have written a complimentary rec. Is it just the waiver box check here or are there other factors? Does this student attends your daughter’s school?</p>
<p>Did the student confide in you by providing you with information about her circumstances for which she was expecting you to include in her letter? Did you not want to include that info, but instead wanted to zone in on only her good writing skills?</p>
<p>Why the backhanded questions on "should you omit the explanatory notes about her circumstances’, 'saying she wasn’t the top student and wasn’t as well prepared et al. </p>
<p>Think about your daughter in this kid’s position. Would you be ok if your daughter’s teacher used your approach?</p>
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<p>I too am confused as to why which box she checked would determine the content of the recommendation? </p>
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<p>You say she has perfect scores and A’s in your classes, but that she wasn’t as prepared as others? I see the fact that she is such a good student despite the fact she has many siblings and one car as a testamant to her academic ability/work ethic. Maybe she wasn’t quite as prepared as others because she was in a busy and most likely noisy house. She also might have had to assist in child care for the family. That in itself tells me alot about this student.
Do you know these things because she told you herself? I personally think it is okay for a teacher to reference personal character of a student only up to the point that you personally know. The majority of personal circumstances in my experience was left up to the GC’s rec.</p>
<p>Many kids do not understand the meaning of waving or not waving the right to see the rec. Also, her not waving the right does not mean you have to show her the letter, it only means that if at some point in the future she will want to see her file, she will be able to see the letter.</p>
<p>If I was in your shoes, I’d tell her that you will not alter what you write because she checked the box, but that schools will value the recommendation less if the right to see it isn’t waved (which is true, as far as I know)</p>
<p>Why would anyone waive their right to see a letter of recommendation? That right came about in the 1970s. Would you give up your right to vote? To practice your religion?</p>
<p>If someone can’t write you a positive recommendation, that person should decline. Period. No explanation necessary, though an honest or gentle explanation is always appropriate.</p>
<p>If an admissions person would like to comment, I’d be very interested. I don’t think having the right waived means the recommendation is more “honest.” I expect teaching professionals, clergy, whoever, to be honest in their letters. I expect people to be honest unless I have evidence to the contrary.</p>
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Because many schools will disregard the recs if the right to see them was not waived. They think that not waiving the right to see the letter will influence the writer making the letter meaningless. As you can see from the original post, their assumption is correct.</p>
<p>Are you worried about insulting her by stating that she has a big family with one car?</p>
<p>Military Mom – here is advice for life in all situations (including the recommendation): NEVER write anything down in any context that you wouldn’t be comfortable with the person you are writing about seeing – in fact, my rule is - don’t write anything down that you wouldn’t be comfortable with having posted on the internet for everyone to see.</p>
<p>You never know when something that you thought was “confidential” will be disclosed or in what context that will be. The best course of action is to assume that nothing is confidential. </p>
<p>So if you feel some stuff is potentially embarrassing to you or the person you are writing about … rethink what you want to say and how you want to say it. If the information is truthful and you think it will be helpful to the applicant, it might just be a matter of wording. That is – its fine to offer an explanation as to her family circumstances – but perhaps your hesitation was because your wording seemed condescending – you might be able to say the same thing in a way that is more positive. (On another note, however, beware of confusing the concept of an explanation with an excuse – lack of a car is not a barrier to participation for many students – so you may be that your “explanation” just draws attention to the fact that this kid did not have the initiative or motivation to get on a bus or ride a bike).</p>
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I disagree strongly with that. I think its a myth that the colleges look differently at recs when there isn’t a waiver, and I think its a mistake to ever “waive” one’s rights without a very compelling reason. </p>
<p>My daughter refused to waive the right to see her recs, and was accepted at all of her top reach schools. We saw everything written about her – it was detailed and I think very honest. The teachers knew that she was seeing the info anyway, because they provided her with copies of the letters.</p>