<p>“Cultural behavior wise- I find Asians to be " in general” more similar to those of European descent than those who are African American." </p>
<p>emeraldkitty4, I personally have not found this to be true but I do find it to be a very popular train of thought assuming when you mean “European descended” you mean Americans who are white. (Also, I worked for a European company for years and no one there thought that.) I live in an Asian neighborhood and there are many very real differences to white Americans. My daughter is part white, part black and had an Asian roommate (2 immigrant parents) freshman year in college. People assumed her roommate was more like white Americans than a kid who was 1/2 white. Her roommate wasn’t but played along for much of freshman year-- then spent hours by herself because she needed to decompress. I think she was having a hard time finding herself in that atmosphere. </p>
<p>I think in many cases people say that (Asians are more like whites than blacks) as a short-cut to discuss class and emphasis on education. Educated African-Americans really aren’t very different from educated white Americans. The other part of this is, of course, that some combinations of races are considered more attractive. (For example, my mixed race son has TONS of girls throwing themselves at him. My mixed-race daughters are often dateless and ignored. Asian women and men have the opposite problem with men of other races being particularly interested in Asian women while women are not particularly interested in Asian men.) </p>
<p>I’m not saying that any of these applies to you personally just that all these factors are thrown in when talking about this.</p>
I’m Jewish. When I was a teenager, I asked my mom how she would feel if I married someone of another race. She said no problem.</p>
<p>I asked how she would feel if I married someone of another religion. She said she’d be o.k. with it… “just as long as you don’t marry a Republican.”</p>
<p>But there’s planning to be done - if you always want to live in what you call a “good” area, you need to have the type of job where you are in control of where you live. You don’t necessarily want to work for a company that will transfer you to a different small town every year.</p>
<p>Note to parents: Do you think students are even aware that many of us do not live in our first (or even second or third or fourth) choice of cities/towns, but often live where the job is?</p>
<p>NotBlue, I wouldn’t say it has to do with “good” areas. My mixed race kids have found quite a bit of racism in Boston and parts of New England but very little around Washington, DC. Internationally, they found quite a bit of racism in southern Spain but loved London. It does depend on the area but it’s not always about income. It can be about the history of the area and the racial make-up. </p>
<p>Missypie, being in an interracial marriage absolutely affected where I lived and where I raised my kids-- but I am happy with those choices. A person who loves someone who is of another race is probably most comfortable in an area with diversity and not too much racism anyway.</p>
Are you saying I should make a conscious choice to avoid relationships with people of a different race simply because there’s the potential for outside criticism? (I don’t know what else you could be implying). That’s kind of like saying people shouldn’t go to college because there are some people who look down on “edge-eee-kated know it alls who think thar too good for good 'ole manual labor in the coal mines”.</p>
<p>
Oh sorry, I didn’t mean that there’s little racism in all “good” or rich areas, when I said “good area” I meant good in terms of general lack of racism.</p>
<p>Right…some areas may be cool with one race but not another. Young people just need to design their lives so they have choices of where to live.</p>
<p>I dated a guy in the 80s who had relatives in Illinois. A cousin married a girl from a big Chicago Italian family…beautiful girl (certainly an improvement to the gene pool as far as looks were concerned). Some of the relatives actually talked bad about her being Italian. I had thought that prejudice against Italians died out in about 1920.</p>
<p>This reminds me of parents who would have no problem with inter-racial/faith relationships but would have a very hard time dealing with their child dating a Yankees/Red Sox fan.</p>
<p>“My brother inlaw is Armenian, I had never heard that they don’t marry outside their culture- I doubt he has either.”</p>
<p>I know several Armenian families. They feel very strongly about their children marrying Armenians. The roots of this lie deep in the history of the Armenian nation - just google “Armenian genocide”.</p>
<p>Our kids are equal opportunity daters (I like the term of GAMOM :)). DH and are OK with them dating any guy (or girl if they were lesbian, but they are not) as long as the date is not an addict, extremist or zealot of any kind.</p>
<p>emeraldkitty4, I personally have not found this to be true but I do find it to be a very popular train of thought assuming when you mean “European descended”</p>
<p>I was thinking of superficial characteristics like how loud a gathering is & how close others stand to you when you talk. Not the " if you admire something in their house they try and give it to you" value.
:o</p>
<p>I used hispanic being white as a generalization- to point out usage of the word race not being the same. Most seem to have understood the intent. No apologies to the rude poster- frequent derogatory comments on a college thread by that poster. </p>
<p>“ALLOW their children to…” That’s wishful thinking on the part of parents. Most will comply with parental wishes, but not all. It is those strong willed individuals who ignore their family and marry outside their group that help contribute to the greatness of our culture. America may not be the melting pot once envisioned, but the patchwork quilt is held together by the threads of diverse people intermarrying and bringing disparate cultures in contact. Generations ago marrying outside your European village was upsetting, then outside your country of origin; outside of your local Catholic church a century ago (there was a time a city had Catholic churches to accomodate various ethnic groups within blocks of each other), then outside your Christian denomination, slowly but surely more lines have blurred for more people. Homogeneity will never be achieved, however. </p>
<p>Thinking of genetic factors. My two brown eyed sibs carried the blue/green eyed recessive that I got from our mother. They married blue eyed spouses and have some blue eyed children. I married a brown eyed spouse and have a brown eyed child. In my family the blues and browns reversed in the generations. Interesting gene expressions after generations of mixing racial genes will yield more and more people you can’t quite figure out the ancestry of. Americans are in no danger of all looking alike among those whose ancestors chose to go outside their roots.</p>
<p>The definitions of race have also been changing with knowledge of the genetic code. It is fascinating to know the links between us all and the migrations over the generations. Also interesting to figure out WHY differences developed. “Survival of the fittest” was different in different areas. The melanin that protects skin also requires more sun for vitamin D production- hence the north/south color distribution. White was likely the mutation that only survived/thrived in the north where black became the sickly who couldn’t survive before modern dietary habits. Of course these are general rules, exceptions always exist. The value placed by a society on certain traits has resulted in some genomes of no survival use being more prevalent instead of dying out as well. Then we get into certain genes being linked with others for expressed traits associated with races. Gets extremely complex. We have to take the bad with the good- grandpa’s nose with so and so’s…</p>
<p>Here’s another line of thinking. The cultural as opposed to the physical aspects. We all have some bigotry within us. We need to like who we are and therefore find those with our characteristics favorable. We can get over the genetic features and racism. Will we ever change the biases against culture and religion? How can we? To embrace another is to reject our own. A group trait that is contradictory to one we like is incompatible with it. The loud boisterous gatherings versus the staid dignified ones. Belief in one mythology precludes belief in another- religions are like that. Choosing colors to signify events- white, red, black usage in weddings and mourning, for example, have opposite uses/meanings. </p>
<p>Rejection of culture/religion is a rejection of a part of the person holding those, even if only a little. Or it can challenge one’s beliefs in what is right and good, upsetting the family or internal status quo. Here a person is comfortable, all is well and someone comes along declaring their ways aren’t good enough, there’s something different out there that they like better. Easy to see why bigotry develops- defense of one’s core self. Religions tend to reinforce bigotry, in order to keep adherents they have to declare themselves the only right way to believe- and get the young to incorporate the beliefs into their core identities.</p>
<p>Plenty for the sociologists, philosophers and others to keep busy with. Thanks all for the mental stimulation.</p>
<p>I don’t think all cultures are equally positive. I just watched Streetcar Named Desire again…cultures like that depicted in the play, where the husbands hang with each other and verbally and physically abuse their wives…not cool. Cultures that are into dog fighting…not cool. Cultures where women are not allowed to get an education…not cool. Cultures that enslave other humans…not cool. I’m certainly not prepared to say that I’d be okay with my kids marrying into any culture.</p>
<p>I wonder what the OP feels after reading all of the posts. I hope you have a better understanding regarding the attitudes of many people when it comes to inter marraige. I wish you well and hope that you find happiness with the person you choose to enter a relationship with. As far as your parents are concerned, it has been my experience that if people are not open to embracing others there is little you could do other than putting space between you and your family if you enter a relationship that they do not approve of.</p>
<p>People should not endure the type of pain that is fueled by hate, prejudice or ignorance. There is no excuse for this type of behavior but sadly I do not think society (even in a politically correct environment) has come as far as many people proclaim. I do believe that most people just put on a bigger filter on their feeling and mouths in the public arena, so as not to appear provincial and ignorant. We as a society have a lot more work to do in terms of acceptance, and maybe someday we will learn how to embrace.</p>