As our son begins his senior year of college, this is his eighth year starting school away from home. For me, it has gotten harder rather than easier each year as I contemplate the loss of my child to his adulthood, his childhood “stolen from us – not always in one momentous event but often in a series of small robberies, which add up to the same loss” (John Irving). College is certainly one of those robberies. He has faced each new step in this transition with confidence, competence, and even a bit of bravery. We are terribly proud of him, but there is still a child-shaped hole in my heart that reminds me of Emily Dickinson’s lost jewel:
I guess I’m waxing poetic today as I grieve the child I’ve lost at the same time I celebrate the man he’s become. There is something about the beginning of each new school year that brings these mother’s thoughts, mother’s tears for me.
Hugs to all of you who are facing this loss for the first time. I hope it gets easier for you.