My son is returning to college again in 2 weeks. He is beginning his senior year. For some reason, this year I am feeling particularly sad. It almost seems more emotional now than in the previous years. Have other parents experienced this same thing? What have others done that seemed to help them deal with this situation? I appreciate just knowing that I am not alone in this.
You are certainly not alone, the last year of college is a big deal. Some may see it as the official end of childhood or even parenting to some degree. Through this period, you have likely been a large part of the process and decisions, including going to this particular college. My guess is you see the certainty of his path coming to an end, while opening to a new journey that is much less defined. And certainly one that will be much less defined by you. It can really feel like an emotional finishing line. What you don’t see at this moment in the impending finishing of college is the beginnings ahead - sharing or counseling in the search for jobs, buying a car, a house, perhaps the upcoming marriages, grandkids, or whatever their life holds, all which will be as exciting to see them go through. Watching them learn and discover through their life never gets old. This time may require much less effort or input from you, but thankfully it can require the same love and support we parents still want to give. I don’t think the magic ever stops, it just moves into new and different things for us to share with them and love about them.
Feel what you feel, it make’s total sense. Endings are sad, but only till we get to what’s next. Before you know it, you will be busy planning life as of May/June and where to put all the crap he brings home. Hugs.
“What have others done that seemed to help them deal with this situation?”
- I experienced downturn when D. started college. She was very busy during her HS years and I was heavily involved with her activities in my after work hours. She also started driving later than her classmates being the youngest in her class, so I was taking her everywhere for awhile. We as a family had good times together, being at her sport events, a lot of out of town and had wonderful vacations abroad together.
I realized that I needed to do something about myself or I will become a great burden to my H. So, I took some classes and acquired several hobbies the list of which seem to be growing over the years. Even D. noticed and commented that she was replaced. Nothing will replace kids but there are many things out there that provide a peace of mind to the sad parent who does not like the feel of the empty nest. Strongly recommend to try few things and see which one fits you personally.
You are not alone! I felt this way, too. All the transitions were hard for me but I’ve found it particularly challenging to feel happy or content since my younger daughter graduated from college last year. She and her sister both live far from home, and because they don’t get much vacation and I don’t like to travel, we rarely see each other. The fact that I’m busy with work does help somewhat, as does reflecting on our good fortune that both daughters are in good health and have jobs that pay most of their bills.
I experienced this as my daughter went off to her sophomore year in college. By the end of the summer after her freshman year (her first and only summer at home during college) it was clear she couldn’t wait to get back to her campus, back to her life on the East Coast, back to the opportunities and adventures she saw there around every corner. I was happy she was so happy. But also sad at how she couldn’t get the heck out of Dodge quickly enough…
How did I cope? Focusing on the mantra, this too is a phase to be replaced by another.
My daughter will also be a senior, although she has another month at home. She has been writing her Fulbright application (the rough draft is due to her adviser by August 1), so if she gets this thing, I know that she will likely be out of the country after she graduates. It hasn’t really hit me yet, because she was away for 12 months last year (July to July), so I’m just glad to have her home now.
This is what we raise them for, to go off and be who they’re supposed to be, but it’s bittersweet when they actually do just that.
I can definitely relate to this. I remember feeling sadder for my D’s sophomore year than her freshman year. Freshman year was so exciting and new and it was fun to hear about all her new experiences and see how she was adjusting to college life. Sophomore year felt more real and permanent somehow, like it really sunk in that my kids would probably never live at home again and they were making their lives away from us. I find the challenge to be to reconcile what I know intellectually- that I’m so happy that my kids are thriving and making their way successfully in the world, they are becoming productive citizens and forging their paths which is what we always hoped for them, with what I feel in my heart which is that I miss them and miss that time of my life when they were really an integral part of my day to day life. Keeping busy helps and I just have to constantly remind myself how blessed we are to have had that time and what a gift it is to have kids that are thriving.
You are definitely not alone! A big part of your life as a parent is coming to a close – no matter what, things will not be the same, and I think it’s okay to go ahead and feel that grief. I know I cried a lot – for the vacations we won’t have again, the packing I won’t help with ever again, the whole thing. The launch of a senior has a finality other transitions have lacked. Just stay busy, and keep reminding yourself that there are lots of other awesome experiences ahead.
I have one at home who just graduated and is now job hunting and another about to go off to start his freshman year. I am also feeling out of sorts - anxious for no apparent reason. I love having my older one home for a while! That s the good side! I am glad he’s here and I won’t be helping him pack! He is applying for jobs all over but many in our city, and I think his preference would be to stay close. But I am anxious for him about the job search - there is no obvious route and outcome and timeline as with college applications. And I am anxious about my younger one having a good start and anxious about his planned road trip with a friend. Too much change all at once!
I can relate. My second child graduated in spring, got a job and moved (though only 50 miles). Now my youngest is (the only daughter) leaving in the fall and I’ll be an empty nester. Im finding it very hard as the date gets closer for her to leave. Though I am close to all my kids, I bonded in ways with my daughter than you can’t with boys (girl stuff) and she is the last. I don’t know what I am going to do since I feel like Ive tried all the hobbies I ever had an interest in. I left corporate world when my first one was 2yr old and been home raising kids. Did start a side job at home 10yrs but worked from home. I looked forwarded to her coming home form school just to say hi. WE spent years going to all their sports games and busy busy. Now the days will be long and trying to decide how to fill up the time. Of course, I have lots I can do (paint the walls, get rid of stuff,etc,) but I just don’t have the motivation or looking forward to doing other things. So the kids will be all out of state which isn’t a 30 min lunch date…
I noticed it the past few weeks, too. Last kid, entering senior year of college, working on grad school apps. Some are all the way across the country. 
It feels like this will be one of her last long breaks at home.
My kids have long been out of undergrad school. Neither lives here. When they went off to college, I didn’t feel so sad freshman year. But each year, I felt a bit sadder as their departures seemed more “permanent”.
When they come to visit, I really miss them when the leave.
It’s bittersweet, that’s for sure.
The older I get the more I want to be with and around family but none here except my husband but he works late. He is more introverted after a long day. Been thinking all day what kind of job and getting back into some time of volunteering. The money would be great but mostly the social part.
Children Are Like Kites
You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground.
You run with them until you are both breathless.
They crash. They hit the rooftop.
You patch and comfort, adjust and teach.
You watch them lifted by the wind and assure them that
someday, they will fly.
Finally, they are airborne;
They need more string and you keep letting it out;
But with each twist of the ball of twine,
There is a sadness that goes with joy.
The kite becomes more distant and you know it won’t be long before that
beautiful creature will snap the lifeline that binds you two together and
will soar, free and alone.
Only then do you know that you did your job.
–Erma Bombeck
Always loved Erma Bombeck 
Saw that poem printed in the newspaper when my first was very little and saved it. I still have it after more than 20 years. Of course today I can google it faster than dig it out of a file!
I could never imagine being parted but knew someday that moment would come. I knew someday that kite string would snap. And I should be happy, not sad when the day came. The image of kite flying stuck with me.
(Not that there weren’t times I wanted to get the scissors out and just cut the damn string!)
Now my kids have snapped those strings and able to fly. It feels good. The kite is launched. and rising.
But kids always need their parents in some way I’ve discovered. Even if it’s just a “hug and I’m here”. No matter how big they get.
Now I look at my new " job" like a buoy in the water. Parents stay stable anchored in place and just ring a warning bell if needed. Or offer a way to safe harbor.
I discovered something recently though and I hope it happens for you—A new wonderful phase has opened–I love spending time with my kids as the adults they have become. I’m more appreciating who they are as individuals. Not as children and teens whom I’ve been constantly responsible for all these years but now just as the great people they’ve grown to be.
we kept my sons room as is while he was at college. He graduated and had a month at home before moving. Took his bed with him to his new place. I decided since he took the bed, it can’t be a guest room so I took everything off the walls and patched up the holes and going to paint. when he came by to visit, I showed up paint colors. He said it was sad that it wasn’t his room anymore. So it goes both ways.
You aren’t alone and you too will find ways to come to grips. You are also very lucky that your baby is about to finish his college. It’s a blessing to know that you did your job as a parent and kid is healthy and capeable to start carving his path in this world. Congratulations! It’s time for you to relax a bit and focus on yourself.
@cali60 D has been on her own for a year now (bed and a dresser with her). We left her room the same through college and even this past year. She’s even engaged now. I convinced my husband it is time. I will cry when we remove the dolphin border… But not until after September.