<p>My oldest child just left the state for college today. I have read the posts telling me that it will get better as time goes on, but what do I do today? And tomorrow? My head tells me that he (and I) will be just fine, but my stomach feels like it's been kicked over and over again. When does this feeling go away?</p>
<p>It goes and comes for quite a while. Be patient and good to yourself. Spend time with the other child(ren.) Watch funny movies. Be physical. Plan something new for yourself.</p>
<p>It’s definitely a loss. Don’t let anyone tell you different.</p>
<p>But it does ease in time. I can’t say that it ever completely goes away, but almost.</p>
<p>^^^Agree with mythmom. For perspective, one of mine has been out for five years and one for four years (year round).</p>
<p>Ohh…It feels awful. I don’t think it really gets better completely. The reason you feel that way is because he has been a joy to you, as I am sure you have been to him. There are people out there that don’t always have the experience or feeling. I slept in my older daughter’s bed the first night. I had a hard time washing her sheets right after she left.</p>
<p>it is as mythmom says. it’s tough because we love them, spent huge amounts of energy on them, enjoyed so many activities with them, feel as if their growth is dependent on us, and will simple miss them. but in reality, they are ready to move on, be independent, this is the next big adventure for them and they are eagerly looking forward. we should be as well. when my oldest went away to school, two years ago, our relationship evolved to a new and better place. i was sad then, but thrilled now. my next (and last child) is leaving next week and my stomach will be doing the same as yours. but it gets better, especially when you realize new plateaus of the relationship are yet to come. at least, that is my hope and i encourage you to remain hopeful as well.</p>
<p>I was there a year ago! I tried to keep busy with other things, my 2 younger children starting school and all the activity that brought. It did get better, but there were times I would set an extra place at the table without thinking, which would bring some tears again. I have a hard time with good-byes, it was hard after breaks during the year as well. It was so nice having her home this summer, and now I am facing another good-bye. I don’t think that part will ever get easier.</p>
<p>I’m going to return to this thread next year when mine leaves. I want her to go and have wonderful experiences, but I already dread missing her. This past year she’s been a delight and when she leaves, she will take a big part of my heart with her…</p>
<p>I seem to have had a harder time this year, than the first ( I ALMOST shed a tear…). But then, it was different in a lot of ways, i.e., dropped off at the local airport; didn’t “go with”. But meal planning is WAY easier.</p>
<p>Maybe I’m in the minority here…I do miss my kids like crazy. They’re among the most interesting people I know. BUT I am happy for them to be in college (or out of it) and moving on to the next stage of life successfully. They’re supposed to leave the nest–I know some who are having trouble doing that and that’s another kind of tough, believe me.</p>
<p>So, it was tough saying goodbye the first time, less so the next, and I even got used to them having summer jobs that weren’t in town. </p>
<p>Keep their rooms nice for when they come back to visit. With any luck, they’ll eventually marry & have grandkids for you to play with. 
:)</p>
<p>I was there a year ago too…and started a very similar thread. I never thought it would feel “okay”. I got through it by continuously preparing a care package - adding to it over a period of time and then sending it. Talking/texting or instant messaging …every day. I now have a cell phone with a qwerty keyboard and am actually pretty good at it! Sometimes it’s only a text or two, and other times it’s a conversation. But we communicate.</p>
<p>The first time she came home, I had fresh flowers in her room and her favorite cookies ready. It felt great to welcome home (with a little bit of fanfare) a beloved member of our household! What I have found is that she is happy. She’s learning, she’s meeting new people and I am so proud of her I can barely contain myself! I miss her every day, but the part of my brain that allows me to view her as a separate entity is so proud and excited for her and mostly, so thankful that she is happy. </p>
<p>I dropped her off again earlier this week and it’s still hard, but it did get easier and a new relationship has formed. Best of luck to you. I was so thankful for the support and kind words I received on this board a year ago!</p>
<p>Seeing Facebook & Twitter posts helps! Sometimes I feel like a fly on the wall, but it is nice to know what they and their friends are up to…which was not possible a few years ago when our eldest went off to school.</p>
<p>Child #3 was just home for 4 days, after not being home all summer. He got his dentist & eye doc visits in and get this–he’s getting glasses and I won’t see him in them until the next time he’s home (they’re being shipped to him.) I’m paying for them, however!</p>
<p>My oldest is 24 and so I’ve been through this, right down to her moving permanently to another state 800 miles away. When she left for college, however, it was a little relief to be honest. She was 6 years older than the younger two and that space in age was difficult to traverse. When she went to college, I could concentrate on the needs (and appropriate schedules) for the younger ones. Now, however, my only son is getting ready (and I use that term loosely because it’s not like he’s packed anything yet) to leave for college. As has been pointed out above, a lot of my own identity has been wrapped up in being a part of his life, especially last year since a lot is expected of captain’s parents in terms of organization etc. I know this will be hard, and made harder still because of my youngest left at home “alone.” </p>
<p>We’ll muddle… and maybe, just maybe… those doors opening when windows close will come to fruition. Or is it when doors close and windows open? All I know is that there is always a way to get through to the other side. I am counting on it.</p>
<p>Hearing all of your stories and knowing that so many of you were where I am now (and survived) helps so much. Big thanks for all the kind words :)</p>
<p>Sorry to be the bearer of bad news…You may have good days “yes, he/she is where they need to be” but you will also have the bad. Sorry to sound so pessimistic, but I am crying right now, chest heaving crying, over my D going away…again, for her sophmore year. Some may get over it, but it is horrible for me. My heart is aching for the loss that will come.</p>
<p>I hope you will not have this pain.</p>
<p>It does get better if you are able to take joy in the fact that you’ve done a good job raising your daughter so she can explore life’s bounty without you close by, and if you also involve yourself in things that you enjoy – perhaps things that you put off doing while child rearing.</p>
<p>Suck it up like a man</p>
<p>Unless you’re a woman, then ditto all posters above me</p>
<p>Terrygreg thanks for starting this thread. We drop ours off in 6 days. I have thought about it for over a year and I think I am going to try my hand at knitting. My grandmother knit beautiful things and I have wanted to take classes since she passed four years ago. My point is that maybe you can do something like that. Like NSM suggested something you put off during the last 18 years can be just what you need to get your mind on other things.</p>
<p>OP,</p>
<p>Try texting him short message daily. Kids this age much prefer texting back rather than calling. You will feel good to hear back from him and feel that you have not entirely lost your connection with him until you see him next time. I found texting to be very reassuring.</p>
<p>Also, setting up a time for a phone chat helps. We call our DS every Sunday morning when he is most relaxed and does not have to worry about friends overhearing him.</p>
<p>My oldest child, now 23, left a huge hole in my heart when she left. I cried every day for six months. She was deliriously happy, but there were also plenty of times I’d get a sobbing phone call. She’d be fine by the time she hung up, and I’d be a basket case, worrying. Yes, if you’ve done your job right, they’re well launched, but it’s really hard to recover from. There seems to be a difference between boys and girls, too. My son is a rising sophomore, and he almost never communicated with us the whole year, unlike his sister. That made it even harder. I hope you are friends with the mothers of his gal pals, because they can pass information on to you when your son is incommunicado. I agree with the texting advice. It gets better, but it’s never as lively or as much fun without the kids as it was with them.</p>
<p>As has been said, this is a loss. You are grieving the end of one kind of relationship with your child and the next relationship is not firmly established yet. </p>
<p>It’s not the same, but when my husband went to Iraq, I got through the first few weeks minute by minute. I just felt my feelings. Feeling like I need a good cry? Hopped in the shower and wailed. Feeling like I needed a break from crying? Called a funny friend or popped in a funny movie. </p>
<p>Be kind and gentle with yourself. Allow a new normal to develop, I promise that it will.</p>