<p>Grandscheme, I am really sorry for your family. Your daughter sounds a lot like my niece. Her Dad gave her chance after chance after chance… paid rehab paid school paid paid paid… Long story short, she is now 31, has had 6 kids (all taken away and not part of the family), last two with severe birth defects as she did drugs while pregnant. She had so many because people were kind and took care of her when she was pregnant. My sister died (niece came to the funeral drunk) when niece only had 2 out of wedlock kids, but at least they were the same dad. The death of her Mom has been niece’s excuse for years but I don’t think so. She can go six to 9 months on her meds and scrapes herself up. Then will fall off and go binge. This has been a pattern since she was 14. Her dad FINALLY learned to cut her off. He told her next time she went to jail he wouldn’t contact her until she was out. And he actually held that line finally. The second time he did that line was the last time she has been in jail. </p>
<p>I say the sad story above not to say that your daughter will go there . But I do point out it is a strong possibility. And she could go there if you keep doing what you are doing (enabling!) or if you stop and have her face consequences. You can only control you. Let her control her and own her consequences. </p>
<p>And WHAT ABOUT your other kids? WHY do you let this one destroy their childhoods? I can guarantee you that they are hurting from watching her manipulate and drain you. She is probably doing it to them too and you should put as much energy in protecting them as you do her. I can’t tell you the pain a “good” child feels when they percieve that the “bad” child “gets everything”. Maybe you should ask them to talk to your H.</p>
<p>Sorry to be harsh, but sometimes it is a harsh life. I honestly would hit your H with a clue bat, stage an intervention with the whole family. And set out a clear boundary for your D. She will cross it no matter what it is so you can make it semi-gentle, but you need to follow through. I also would get both you and your H to AlAnon, and family therapy.</p>